CatsPajamas

Insanity has been defined as doing something the same way over and over again and expecting different results. In the past I tried to control people, places, and things, believing that my way was the correct way. I knew my track record-my way, based on insisting upon m will, did not work. Yet I kept trying. It was an insane way to live.

Step Three, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him,” was a turning point for me in relinquishing control. It meant choosing between an insane life and a sane one- my will or God’s will. Since my will had let me down time and time again, the real question was how long would I continue running around in the same circles before I was willing to admit defeat and turn to a source of genuine help?

Today’s reminder:

I may find it easy to point to the alcoholic’s irrational or self-destructive choices. It is harder to admit that my own behavior has not always been sane. Today I can let go of insisting upon my will. With this simple decision I make a commitment to sanity.

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end.” –As We Understood...

CatsPajamas

Today's reading struck me for a few different reasons: My own best efforts brought me to where I landed. My own best thinking, too. Like that reading says, it was a lot easier to point out HIS irrational and self destructive choices than to look at my own. I went a long time believing that I had no part in creating the chaos that was my life.

AND, the greatest gift that my angel sponsor ever gave me was this: you can start your day over anytime you wish. I don't have bad days anymore. Bad moments? yes. Bad days? nope. I just start my day over with coming here, going to a meeting, talking with a recovery friend.

Rella927

Love this and how true it is! Thank you for sharing this Cat!

I sit here with hope that my girlfriend who is going through a horrible divorce who is filled with so much anger inside will someday realize this....

And yes that saying I heard from my counselor one day "you can start your day over at anytime you wish" has stuck with me...."Bad moments" are much better than "bad days"

Blondie

Thanks for this, I needed it today!

good_luck

Thank you for this!

Looking at our own bad behavior is also, ultimately, much more empowering than wondering about the choices of others. Because it is something we have control over.

So, as much as it pains me to admit that I am not perfect, I always feel better when I do so.

denny57

What took me a while to understand was that didn't mean creating HIS chaos. It meant, to me, I was making choices that invited chaos into my life.

BumblingAlong

I thank you for the inspirational posts. The pain is starting to give way to anger...I'm definitely grieving. But knowing that there's end to it has inspired me. I still find myself thinking and wondering if there was anything different I could have done, but I always come back to the same answer: Alcohol. No matter what I'd have done or said differently, he'd still drink. Now he's someone else's problem. I have the choice and the ability to put the drinking behind me - he doesn't (at least not while he's in denial).
He has not contacted me; I have not contacted him. I fully expect that he try to get in touch with me in the future, but I'll deal with that when it happens (I have a few things in mind to say; the number one thing being "Leave me alone and do not contact me again"). The counsellor I'm seeing suggests that if he gets treatment, I could see him again after he's been sober for one year - but I don't really relish the idea of leaving any door open, because I will subconsiously wait for him. Life is too short to wait for an alcoholic.
So -- I'm getting back on the horse. I met a nice guy who has asked me out for dinner, and I think I'm going to accept the invitation. I am not looking for a relationship - which I've made crystal clear - but he suggested since we have a great rapport (and he makes me LAUGH), we could pay our own way and just enjoy a nice dinner with no strings. A nice distraction.
I need to move on with my life; my friends are encouraging me to "get out there". I'm not sure it's the right thing to do at this point, but it sure beats sitting alone at home wondering what HE'S doing with his new girlfriend.

Stubborn1

This is for sure a reason why I recovered from codependancy.

I was staying in the same place expecting different results. It's like wanting to swim but never getting in the pool. Wanting to hike but sitting and watching the mountain. Wanting to be happy but staying a prisoner to my alcoholic.

This is a great post. I hope it opens some eyeballs. Thanks.

Barbara52

I can look back now a year and a half after I left xAH and see that I was the one holding myself back, choosing to deny my reality, choosing to not take responsibility for my choices. For too long I focused on his problems and saw myself as a victim of his actions/words/lack of actions/addiction.

I was not a victim. I was a willing participant for a whole lotta unhealthy reasons. Choosing to marry an alcoholic met an unrecognized need within me. Choosing to stay married to an alcoholic for 4 years even though I was miserable met unrecognized needs within me.

It was not until I started to look honestly and ruthlessly inside me that I began to heal, that I was able to take action to begin the road to better mental health and a better life. It hasn't been a smooth path but it's been a path that is not forced by denial of reality. Reality hurts sometimes. But denial hurt even more.

I thank God that He found a way to open my mind and heart to reality, and that I learned and accepted that I am not in control of anyone or anything but me. Since I let go and let God, life has become wonderful again. Not perfect, not what I want fully but wonderfull nonetheless.

utopia

Thanks. this ties in what im practicing today. Thinking "ok what they just said, their actions reflects on them not on me. What I do, how i respond, THAT is what reflects on me and only that is my responsibility. also to live and let live and i keep saying, even in my head. "Not my will, but Thy will be done" peace..