PeaceTrain

My daughter has been involved in drugs and a drug lifestyle on and off for the last 10 years. (Mostly On) She has gone to treatment twice, many meetings, counselling and still does not get it. My question is for the loved ones of addicts -- How do you handle questions from others - friends, business associates or family members who ask how your children are doing? They are not asking from a meanspirited stance, they are asking so that they can catch up on your life. Most do not have a clue about her lifestyle. I usually say she is fine and change the subject.
Just curious how others handle this..
Thanks,

sknyfats

Great question. I'm new to being with an addict. I've wondered that myself sometimes when I take a futureistic look down the road to a long term relationship with her. If what many people have written down about their relationships with addicts in their life is what I can expect - than it's only a matter of time before I'll be approached by someone asking how she's doing - even though I know she's not doing well.

I'm not one who likes to air my dirty laundry -so I'd find a way to keep it vague & honest - and change the subject, like you have been doing. I haven't gone myself - YET - but the Naranon / Alanon meetings might be helpful for you too.

lagrutke

I think it depends on who is asking. If it is business associates, I would be vague and say the family is fine. If it is close family that are aware of the situation or should be aware, I would give them an honest answer.

caileesnana

I too have an AD. If they are genuinely concerned I share the truth. If just being nosey, I say 'she's struggling/great/fine". Drop it, anyone w/ any sense will get the message.
susan

wooforever

I have an addict in my life and it is funny why are the one that have to lie about them. My sons father is an addict and when people ask him how is his dad he tells them, he is clean and sober today, but that I is all I know.

His father is back in prison and he comes out now and when people ask why his dad is not at his football games he tells them his is in prison and doing what he needs to do to get clean.

Tell them whatever makes you feel comfortable.

CatsPajamas

I remember struggling with this as well. I had a few answers - one was that he wasnt in a very good place at the moment and I appreciated the support and good wishes...

and the other response was "D has some important life lessons to learn and at the moment they aren't from me.".

Somehow it answered their question and didn't leave much opening for them to ask any more details.

Freedom1990

Well, most people who ask me that do know my oldest AD from many years ago and I simply reply 'She still struggles'.