Language of Letting Go - Nov. 2 - Denial
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - Nov. 2 - Denial
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Denial
Denial is fertile breeding ground for the behaviors we call codependent: controlling, focusing on others, and neglecting ourselves. Illness and compulsive or addictive behaviors can emerge during denial.
Denial can be confusing because it resembles sleeping. We're not really aware we're doing it until we're done doing it. Forcing ourselves - or anyone else - to face the truth usually doesn't help. We won't face the facts until we are ready. Neither, it seems, will anyone else. We may admit to the truth for a moment, but we won't let ourselves know what we know until we feel safe, secure, and prepared enough to deal and cope with it.
Talking to friends who know, love, support, encourage, and affirm us helps.
Being gentle, loving, and affirming with ourselves helps. Asking ourselves, and our Higher Power, to guide us into and through change helps.
The first step toward acceptance is denial. The first step toward moving through denial is accepting that we may be in denial, and then gently allowing ourselves to move through.
God, help me feel safe and secure enough today to accept what I need to accept.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Denial
Denial is fertile breeding ground for the behaviors we call codependent: controlling, focusing on others, and neglecting ourselves. Illness and compulsive or addictive behaviors can emerge during denial.
Denial can be confusing because it resembles sleeping. We're not really aware we're doing it until we're done doing it. Forcing ourselves - or anyone else - to face the truth usually doesn't help. We won't face the facts until we are ready. Neither, it seems, will anyone else. We may admit to the truth for a moment, but we won't let ourselves know what we know until we feel safe, secure, and prepared enough to deal and cope with it.
Talking to friends who know, love, support, encourage, and affirm us helps.
Being gentle, loving, and affirming with ourselves helps. Asking ourselves, and our Higher Power, to guide us into and through change helps.
The first step toward acceptance is denial. The first step toward moving through denial is accepting that we may be in denial, and then gently allowing ourselves to move through.
God, help me feel safe and secure enough today to accept what I need to accept.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I believe that I lived in denial until I could face the fact that my son was an addict and that this might be a very long road for both of us.
When I realized that there would be no "quick fix", when I began to listen to what others who had walked this path told me, when I was ready to turn to God, meetings or anything available for help...that's when I was able to walk past the denial and into recovery.
Denial is a safe place to hide sometimes, but it is just the resting place while we prepare to acknowledge, accept and take action.
Hugs
When I realized that there would be no "quick fix", when I began to listen to what others who had walked this path told me, when I was ready to turn to God, meetings or anything available for help...that's when I was able to walk past the denial and into recovery.
Denial is a safe place to hide sometimes, but it is just the resting place while we prepare to acknowledge, accept and take action.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
Thanks, Ann. I struggle with is it denial or "did I really not know?" I am not sure it matters as long as I am working on getting myself to a better place right now. That being said, it is haunting me as I try to unwind "why" I made choices I did and why making decisions to not be involved with an addict at this point is the right decision. I suppose some of that is learning to trust that I am where I am supposed to be... little steps, huh?
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