Drinking. . .It feels like I'm on vacation
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Over the rainbow
Posts: 2
Drinking. . .It feels like I'm on vacation
Hi all! I have many things that I need to change about myself but drinking is on the top of the list. Nice to meet you all, btw!
Why is it that when I drink, I feel as though I'm ushered out of my routine everyday life and onto a sandy beach with cabana boys, a floral sarong and zero need for SPF? My life is better now than it's ever been. I'm a successful glass artist and jewelry designer. I work from home and enjoy my work very much. If that's not awesome enough, I'm three years married to the love of my life. So, what's wrong with me? Why is it that I can't stop drinking? Each night when the sun goes down, I curl up on the couch with a half a bottle of pinot. Sometimes, I snack too and smoke a bunch of cigarettes. I know it's ridiculous but I do it anyway.
For some reason, the idea of never drinking again freaks me out. I've tried to only drink on weekends but that always finds me making excuses for why it's okay to drink on Tuesday, which eventually leads to it being okay to drink on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday too.
Well, anyway, I'm not much of a forum poster. I'm shocked actually that I've posted the same day that I joined. I didn't expect to post for at least a year or better. I guess this half a bottle of pinot helped my stage fright. Crap. . . I just found another reason to keep drinking. lol (KIDDING!!!)
Why is it that when I drink, I feel as though I'm ushered out of my routine everyday life and onto a sandy beach with cabana boys, a floral sarong and zero need for SPF? My life is better now than it's ever been. I'm a successful glass artist and jewelry designer. I work from home and enjoy my work very much. If that's not awesome enough, I'm three years married to the love of my life. So, what's wrong with me? Why is it that I can't stop drinking? Each night when the sun goes down, I curl up on the couch with a half a bottle of pinot. Sometimes, I snack too and smoke a bunch of cigarettes. I know it's ridiculous but I do it anyway.
For some reason, the idea of never drinking again freaks me out. I've tried to only drink on weekends but that always finds me making excuses for why it's okay to drink on Tuesday, which eventually leads to it being okay to drink on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday too.
Well, anyway, I'm not much of a forum poster. I'm shocked actually that I've posted the same day that I joined. I didn't expect to post for at least a year or better. I guess this half a bottle of pinot helped my stage fright. Crap. . . I just found another reason to keep drinking. lol (KIDDING!!!)
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Hi Heart!
Welcome to SR!
I know the feeling you describe until it began to feel like a prison sentence. So are you drinking only 2 glasses of wine per night or is your bottle bigger than mine was?
By the way, you don't have to not drink forever, you just have to not drink today.
Welcome to SR!
I know the feeling you describe until it began to feel like a prison sentence. So are you drinking only 2 glasses of wine per night or is your bottle bigger than mine was?
By the way, you don't have to not drink forever, you just have to not drink today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Over the rainbow
Posts: 2
Blackshirt, I hate that for you as well as I hate it for myself. I'm thinking maybe if we can figure out why it freaks us out so much, we'll have a leg up in this addiction battle. I like clarity. I detest fog. My mind becomes plagued by both once I get to the bottom of my first glass. What's to love about that? Why is leaving it behind create such a fear factor?
TTO, thank you for the welcome! Sometimes, my wine bottle can be bigger than others but for the most part, it's standard. I normally MAKE myself quit after glass two because I work 7 days per week and I can't create art when I'm hung over. If I could, I'd be a serious lush.
I'm intrigued with your latter statement. I can't figure out how that works. I plan meals four days ahead of time. How can I stay sober today when I don't know that I can stay sober tomorrow. To me, when I quit, it's gonna have to be a serious commitment. Perhaps that ideology is keeps me heading to fridge for another drink? lol
TTO, thank you for the welcome! Sometimes, my wine bottle can be bigger than others but for the most part, it's standard. I normally MAKE myself quit after glass two because I work 7 days per week and I can't create art when I'm hung over. If I could, I'd be a serious lush.
I'm intrigued with your latter statement. I can't figure out how that works. I plan meals four days ahead of time. How can I stay sober today when I don't know that I can stay sober tomorrow. To me, when I quit, it's gonna have to be a serious commitment. Perhaps that ideology is keeps me heading to fridge for another drink? lol
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Please see if this link explains to you why
you are drinking when you don't plan to.
It also mentions why you feel that rush of euphoria.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Yes! you too can quit....millions of us have.
you are drinking when you don't plan to.
It also mentions why you feel that rush of euphoria.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Yes! you too can quit....millions of us have.
being me
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 252
Hi Heart,
I tried to quit so many times and it never stuck. The thought of not drinking or getting high again was stifling. Finally, something changed for me recently, and it just clicked. I was tired of my life revolving around how to get away from being sober and decided to embrace being myself without a filter.
I think one thing I was scared of was not being able to control my emotions with chemical infusions. Nothing really changed when I drank, but it made me feel better (at first). If I was upset, I could drink to change that. If I felt stress, I could drink to change that. If drinking is not an option, then I must get a new plan, and that requires work. Just my experience.
Glad you are here on SR, keep posting and reading. There is a lot of great information and support.
K
I tried to quit so many times and it never stuck. The thought of not drinking or getting high again was stifling. Finally, something changed for me recently, and it just clicked. I was tired of my life revolving around how to get away from being sober and decided to embrace being myself without a filter.
I think one thing I was scared of was not being able to control my emotions with chemical infusions. Nothing really changed when I drank, but it made me feel better (at first). If I was upset, I could drink to change that. If I felt stress, I could drink to change that. If drinking is not an option, then I must get a new plan, and that requires work. Just my experience.
Glad you are here on SR, keep posting and reading. There is a lot of great information and support.
K
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Hehe. You don't NEED to know that you can stay sober tomorrow. Just TODAY. Now I have only been sober 6 months but when I first got sober I was not even sure that I could. I have not taken more than a week off in years. And I KNEW I could not get through July 4th, etc. But I thought I could get through that one day. So I did. Then the next day I thought, well I got through yesterday, I am going to not drink today. And it has been going like that for 6 months now.
My self esteem has skyrocketed and every day is a pretty damm good day (at least I have one thing to be proud of and happy about) if I just don't drink. So now I am unsure if I could take the blow to my self esteem if I DID drink, so today, I choose not to. See how that works? lol
I know, it probably sounds crazy, but it works for me. I am also involved in my recovery every day. I participate in AA, work with others and am working the steps. Life is pretty darn good.
My self esteem has skyrocketed and every day is a pretty damm good day (at least I have one thing to be proud of and happy about) if I just don't drink. So now I am unsure if I could take the blow to my self esteem if I DID drink, so today, I choose not to. See how that works? lol
I know, it probably sounds crazy, but it works for me. I am also involved in my recovery every day. I participate in AA, work with others and am working the steps. Life is pretty darn good.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to SR!
We are glad you found us. Lots of good information and support here for you.
I recommend Carol D's link above. I read those excerpts from Under the Influence and bought the book. It helped me on so many levels to understand what years of drinking had done to every part of my body, why I could not control my drinking, and why I could not imagine life without another bottle of wine.
Sobriety is achieved minute by minute, then day by day, then month by month, etc....I am addicted to alcohol. My body had become dependant on alcohol. I am in recovery now and live day by day without alcohol. Because of the addiction, living the rest of my life without enjoying even a glass of wine seemed ridiculous. Cruel. But because I understand my addiction, I know that one glass of wine could send me back into a life beyond my control.
Today, I am 68 days sober. I have been in control of my life for 68 days now. I gotta tell you..... That is empowering! It rocks!
We are glad you found us. Lots of good information and support here for you.
I recommend Carol D's link above. I read those excerpts from Under the Influence and bought the book. It helped me on so many levels to understand what years of drinking had done to every part of my body, why I could not control my drinking, and why I could not imagine life without another bottle of wine.
Sobriety is achieved minute by minute, then day by day, then month by month, etc....I am addicted to alcohol. My body had become dependant on alcohol. I am in recovery now and live day by day without alcohol. Because of the addiction, living the rest of my life without enjoying even a glass of wine seemed ridiculous. Cruel. But because I understand my addiction, I know that one glass of wine could send me back into a life beyond my control.
Today, I am 68 days sober. I have been in control of my life for 68 days now. I gotta tell you..... That is empowering! It rocks!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I agree with not looking at tomorrow. Just live in today, since you can only live one day at a time so just don't drink for today. Settle tomorrow when it gets here and becomes today. You can do this. I was trying to stop drinking and failing for months, so if I can stay sober, so can anyone.
Welcome!:ghug3
Welcome!:ghug3
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
Hi and Welcome,
It is overwhelming to think about giving up alcohol forever. In my case, alcohol was my only friend by the end of my drinking days. I had given up friends, activities, etc. One of my favorite books is "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. It's a memoir by a young, highly-functional alcoholic woman who realizes that she is having a love affair with alcohol and has to give up her lover. She recognizes that there is a grieving process. It helped me to accept the huge role alcohol was playing in my life.
It is overwhelming to think about giving up alcohol forever. In my case, alcohol was my only friend by the end of my drinking days. I had given up friends, activities, etc. One of my favorite books is "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. It's a memoir by a young, highly-functional alcoholic woman who realizes that she is having a love affair with alcohol and has to give up her lover. She recognizes that there is a grieving process. It helped me to accept the huge role alcohol was playing in my life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Southwest PA USA
Posts: 339
Welcome HeartofGlass!
I plan a lot of things in advance, too. I just don't plan alcohol in advance. I have shopping and laundry to do tomorrow, I have to go to work Monday. I have bills to pay next week, but I won't drink today. I admit that sometimes it's hard to separate those ideas, and it takes some practice and looking inward at times. I'm only sober about 5 weeks now, and I'm trying to learn to fill the time I spent drinking with other more constructive things. I was an all day, everyday drinker. If I wasn't working or sleeping, I was drinking.
I'm glad to meet you! Keep reading, keep posting. This is a very helpful community.
Blessing Be, Heart!
BHJ
I plan a lot of things in advance, too. I just don't plan alcohol in advance. I have shopping and laundry to do tomorrow, I have to go to work Monday. I have bills to pay next week, but I won't drink today. I admit that sometimes it's hard to separate those ideas, and it takes some practice and looking inward at times. I'm only sober about 5 weeks now, and I'm trying to learn to fill the time I spent drinking with other more constructive things. I was an all day, everyday drinker. If I wasn't working or sleeping, I was drinking.
I'm glad to meet you! Keep reading, keep posting. This is a very helpful community.
Blessing Be, Heart!
BHJ
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Welcome to SR-
First of all, is drinking causing you problems in your life? Why do you want to stop? It is very importand to ask yourself that question.
Second, if you have decide you want to stop, you don't have to stop forever, you just have to stop one day at a time. Saying you are quitting forever is too over whelming.
Third, if you find you are having trouble staying sober, you may want to check out a few AA meetings. Good Luck!!!
First of all, is drinking causing you problems in your life? Why do you want to stop? It is very importand to ask yourself that question.
Second, if you have decide you want to stop, you don't have to stop forever, you just have to stop one day at a time. Saying you are quitting forever is too over whelming.
Third, if you find you are having trouble staying sober, you may want to check out a few AA meetings. Good Luck!!!
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