babsywabsy

Things with AH have gotten increasingly out of control lately. Yesterday I'm guessing he must have consumed nearly a gallon (yes, that's GALLON) of vodka. He then proceeded to "nap" for about 7 hours, woke up, ate dinner, and went back to bed for the night! This morning at about 5:30am he went into his office and closed the door. I'm sure he was drinking!

He looks awful. Overweight, dark circles, blotchy skin, red eyes, terrible breath, giving off a weird odor even after a shower. I often hear him puking in the middle of the night. The man is definitely on the road to killing himself.

So, here's my question. Do I try to arrange some kind of intervention? Has anyone done this with their partner/family member/friend? Has it worked?

Would be curious to hear your thoughts.
Barbara

sailorgirl2nv

I don't have any advice, but I look forward to what others say.

It sounds like he is in a terrible place.

emilystrange

hi barbara,

what sort of intervention would would be possible there? i can only think of police (but they wouldn't be interested in him if he "only" destroys himself), or do you mean get him sectioned or something?

i wouldn't know what conditions he would have to fulfil so to speak for you to be able to hand him over to "the professionals"..
or do you mean getting his parents etc. involved?

in any case i wish you all the strength you need to cope with the situation and having to see him self-destruct like this.

Silverberry1331

B-

I know nothing of intervention. I would consult a professional in the area who deals with this, and see if this is a feasible option.

I am praying for you. Please go to Al Anon if you haven't already started to.

(((hugs)))

denny57

I've heard of interventions that work; do you have others on board to participate in one? The successful ones I've heard of all involved a professional interventionist.

Rebecca4

Babsywasby - I love your name

Have you tried to talk to him before you do an intervention?
You sound like you are so much and really worry about him.
Could you sit down and have an honest non-judgemental chat about how you hate seeing his health fail like this and all the punishment he does to his body?

I am so sorry if I have not read all your previous posts, maybe you have tried this.
But the overall message I got from your thread is that you love and care for this man and want the best for him.

I wish you all the luck in the world

B
x

Rebecca4

Sorry I wanted to add

I know how lonely it can be as the wife of an addict. I have been there. I have also been on the other side. But I also know how lonely it can be when everyone close goes off to Al-anon etc and when you try and talk, you are met with stop quacking, or the 3 c's (didnt cause it etc...........) From what I can gather from your post, you are totally nonjudgemental, I think you just care and love.

I think AA and all other support groups have some really good slogans, but when you try to talk and you are met with a tried and tested (pity party, cheese with that whinw? wtc), thats lonely too.

Praying for you Babs

B
X

babsywabsy

First of all, thank you for all of your input and support and prayers.

Intervention was suggested to me by a good friend who is 10 years sober (from alcohol and meth). She had an informal intervention - a few friends sat her down and said "HEY! You are going to die if you don't do something" and that worked well for her. I have said as much to my AH, but it seems like all of the "helpful" suggestions I make are met with a lot of anger and defensiveness - I've sort of given up trying lately.

The last time things were this out of control I contacted a "facility" in order to find out info on detox and rehab. I spoke briefly to an intervention counselor and she described a scenario where I would gather other supportive family member and she would plan and run the intervention. This service is, as you might imagine, pretty expensive. I've also heard that the alcoholic often gets (and stays) very anrgy and this can sometimes backfire on the family.

I'm just not sure what else to do. I really love my husband and though I will leave if I need to (I have two young children to think of here), I'd really like to see him take responsibility for this thing and get himself well. I want my kids to grow up knowing their dad (the man he used to be).

I am in Alanon and am so thankful for everything I've learned there. I wish AH would go to AA, but is just not his thing.

Babs

steve11694

Interventions can and do work, though not 100% success for everyone.
I would contact my local rehab center for information on local interventions.

I read an excellent book about intervention called "Love first" Jay You will learn a lot from the book.

It sounds like you or your husband don't have much to lose in trying an intervention. He sounds quite bad from your description. The breath maybe from liver disease with gastric irritation on tp of it not to mention poor hygiene.

I am very sorry for im and you.

bodychek

Babs,

For me, I had to find my own bottom before I would be open to help. Luckily I hit my bottom and surrendered before I had any serious health problems or lost everything. When I started talking to other alcoholics, I knew that I was in fact an alcoholic and needed to open myself up to ask for help. If you know anyone who is in AA, you may want to seek their help to talk to your husband if he is willing to take the time to speak to another alcoholic. Where in CA are you? I live just north of Los Angeles and would be willing to do what I can to help.

My advice is to make sure you take care of yourself. Al-anon helped my ex wife immensely in dealing with me when I was practicing my alcoholism.

Good luck and let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

justanothrdrunk

If you do decide on an intervention, don't even consider moving forward without the aid of an experienced, professional interventionist.

babsywabsy

bodychek, thank you for your generous offer. We live in northern cal, so we're a bit far away, but thank you, thank you. Al-anon is definitely helping - I went to two meetings this week.

And I agree with you justanotherdrunk, the intervention would need to be done by a professional.

This has been a rough week, but AH going on 2 week vacation starting tomorrow - I CAN'T WAIT!

B

Stubborn1

This sounds very familiar. He sounds as if it is medically nessasary at this point. An intervention wouldn't work. He needs to go to the ER. He could very well die and he probably knows this. He stays alone because he's scared. I'd beg him to please go to the ER right away.

Reminder

Hi Rebbeca:

Could you please elaborate on what you mean here?

Peace.

Reminder

Hi Barbara:

You might find the link below interesting.

HBO: Addiction: Understanding Addiction: Myths of Addiction


The other big myth, says Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the federal government's National Institute on Drug Abuse, is that you have to want to be treated in order to get better. Even as an internationally respected researcher, she once believed that to be true, Volkow says, but she knows now that people who are forced into treatment do recover. Addicted people may be pushed to enter a treatment program by an employer, a companion or the criminal justice system. Employers may threaten to fire a person unless treated; a spouse may threaten to leave the relationship, or the court may offer treatment in lieu of prison. (In this case, people convicted of nonviolent, drug-related crimes may go through specialized alternative courts, called drug courts, in which they can reduce their sentence or avoid jail altogether by getting intensive addiction treatment.) In fact, research has shown that the outcomes for those who are legally mandated to enter treatment can be as good as the outcomes for those who entered treatment voluntarily.

The research seems to contradict the beliefs of many in Al-Anon that one should let the addict hit rock bottom. One could argue that intervention is controlling behavior.

You might also want to browse other areas of the HBO website I gave you. I found it very informative and perhaps so will you.

Peace

denny57

Whoa, is this bash Al-Anon day today LOL?

I attend many different Al Anon meetings and never hear the term "rock bottom." Occasionally someone will say personal bottom or make reference to everyone's personal moment of clarity. Call it what you like. Even an intervention could be considered a bottom, if that is what sets someone on their path of recovery.

I have a few friends who got sober through intervention. Even after "forced" into treatment they are the ones who had to choose to stay sober. Some who go through intervention don't.

BTW, my best Al Anon meetings don't bring up the alcoholic at all, so there's no chance of the dreaded term "rock bottom" being mentioned.

Jazzman

I love it when DRs and/or researches who have never struggled with an addiction or beaten an addiction publish opinions on how to do so.

That article has some good information but also can mislead the reader as well as it educates.

23 years ago I was a major cocaine addict so I have 1st hand experience at beating an dependency to a highly addictive chemical.... And it took a LOT of will power. I'm not a bad person, nor am I going to be addicted to everything else you can rub into your belly. True there are some promising new meds out there for treatment of addiction but where are the long term studies? Don't exist. Period. Take everything you hear or read with a grain of salt.

I don't believe an addict HAS to hit a "rock bottom" before seeking help either, but I have known some people that have no bottom at all.

And professionally led Interventions can and do help, and also fail to produce long term sobriety.

Education is always best and remember that old saying, opinions are like......, everyones got one.

Reminder

Hi Jazzman:

Whoa, is this bash DRs and researchers day? Just kidding. People can disagree with each other without pointing the finger and labeling somebody a troublemaker or a basher. No need to fear; I am not going to label you a DR basher or troublemaker.

Peace.

denny57

Hey Jazz

Thanks for taking the bullet for me buddy! LOL!!!!

p.s. happy belated b'day

denny57

The first time I heard this was at an open AA meeting and it brought all the readings I had done down to a very succinct definition. I love it.