kingston

Hi everyone, well I guess I hit my emotional rock bottom on Wed morning. I received some disturbing news (from my girlfriend of almost 40 years). She has in her wisdom decided to take sides regarding myself and my XAH. To the point of hiding information etc. The details are not important but what is are the feelings of ultimate betrayal that I felt. I believe this and everything else that has been going since I left the AH finally hit me.

I have not cried since I left him over 2 months ago. I've been fighting the usual the anger, hurt and let down feelings. I didn't even cry when I heard about his OW who he has been keeping a secret from for years! I never honestly knew, that's how much I believed in him and his fake recovery. Again I kept trying to deal with it.

So, I lost it as they say on Wed, everything from the last two months - no probably 24 years came out in huge gulping soul shattering crying. I now know what keening means.

It was terrible! I didn't sleep very well on Wed night and yesterday was very shaky and crying on and off again. Couldn't go to work.

I was lucky one of my best friends came over and spent the afternoon and early evening with me. She is an addiction counselor and really helped me get thru some of the feelings that I have been having.

Today I have deleted all the emails from AH that he has sent in the last few days and blocked his number and email from everything that I have. I've also spoken to my boss and the person who answers the phones here at work, they will not put any calls thru.

I feel like I have put up a fortress of sorts around me. I plan on looking after myself even more than I have. I have accepted what happened and am moving on.

Made an appointment to have my hair cut tomorrow and attend a yoga meditation workshop.

I think I needed this crying session (I don't often give myself "permission" to cry) to help clean out my heart if that makes any sense.

Thanks everyone for being there - K.

Freedom1990

:ghug

I don't remember who told me this, but I wrote it in the front of my AA big book, "Tears are for the soul what soap is for the body."

I too have a really hard time crying, and when I do, it comes in buckets.

Holding you close to my heart and in my prayers today, my friend!

blessed4x

Even with all your pain you are able to keep the focus where it belongs.....on YOU! Good work and great example for the rest of us. You are in my thoughts and prayers today.

denny57

When I learned of xAH's final betrayal, I went fetal on the kitchen floor. That seems a very long time ago, but I do remember the pain I was in. During the last 3 years, I have also been betrayed by people I considered my friends. It took me a long time, but with the help of Al Anon and my therapist, I learned to let those people go. Today, I am happier for it, but it was not an easy process.

Growth is painful. I continue to work on other areas of my life; none of it is easy, but it is oh so worth it.

Much love to you. ((( )))

sailorgirl2nv

I haven't cried like that in a really long time. I do remember that afterwards I felt exhausted but on the path of healing.

I hope that each day gets better and you feel stronger.

sunflowerintx

kingston,

I am so sorry you've been hurt and you went through such a difficult time. I'm grieving right along with you....

(((((( big hugs )))))))

Much love,
Sunny

Bernadette

(((((((kingston)))))))

ugh- a few people posted on the board today of being in sadness and emotional distress--- it must be a big wave of change that is sweeping over each of you--- it's so hard and to top it off betrayal by an old friend?? WTF!?

It's nothing less than a new you that is being born from this painful labor! Stay in it- keep moving forward - there will be light at the end of the tunnel!

Peace & prayers for your peace of mind--
B.