finally willing to admit
down the rabbit hole
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: near Boston, MA
Posts: 321
finally willing to admit
Hey everyone... I've posted on here before, mostly about my struggles with my alcoholic dad, and also about my (currently losing) battle to quit smoking... but I'm finally at a point where I'm willing to admit I'm starting to use alcohol a little too much as a crutch to deal with some painful situations going on. I'm definitely the type of person that's guilty of the "oh, I'm not as bad as "that guy" so I must be ok" but I'm starting to realize it's becoming more and more of a problem in my life. I don't drink every day, and there are times where I have one or 2 and no more, and even a lot of situations recently that have come up where I could drink, or am around drinking, and don't have a drop. I even just had ginger ale at a bachelorette party last weekend. BUT, I know how easily and quickly things can slide downhill, and I want to keep that from happening. Beucase there ARE nights when I will very happily settle in at home (I live alone) and finish off a 6-pack or even more by myself... a few times when I've had to call into work because I'm hungover, either from drinking at home or going out with friends and having one too many... I went through an immensely painful breakup in March, and I realize, that pales in comparison to what so many have gone through, but the pain is still real and raw for me and it's like I experience it over and over every day. There's more details to that I'll go into later, but I'll just say the EX is not a drinker and the break-up was not alcohol related in any way. I just see myself walking down a very dangerous hill, and i'm scared I'm going to lose my footing and start skidding and then rolling out of control, and I don't want that to happen. I do go to Alanon meetings because of my dad, not sure if AA is for me at this point, but I do read posts here faithfully, and I know there's a huge wealth of ESH here, and I'm hoping to reap a little bit of that for myself... I know I need to take it one day at a time...
thanks all for listening, and I do appreciate the huge amounts of time and effort and wisdom you all put into making this board what it is...
-Alice
thanks all for listening, and I do appreciate the huge amounts of time and effort and wisdom you all put into making this board what it is...
-Alice
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Hello, Alice.
You are wise to address this now. Have you thought about talking to someone such as a therapist or psychologist? The reason I'm asking is because this stuck out:
I hope you feel better soon.
:ghug3
You are wise to address this now. Have you thought about talking to someone such as a therapist or psychologist? The reason I'm asking is because this stuck out:
Originally Posted by AliceinWndrland 
I went through an immensely painful breakup in March, and I realize, that pales in comparison to what so many have gone through, but the pain is still real and raw for me and it's like I experience it over and over every day.
I hope you feel better soon.
:ghug3
down the rabbit hole
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: near Boston, MA
Posts: 321
I actually have been seeing a therapist for years and years... It does help, and I do feel better once I get out of an appointment, but it seems like it doesn't last. I just can't seem to let go of this relationship. I've tried dating other people but I don't know - maybe it's still too soon - it feels like no one could compare.
BUT I know that drinking it away is not the answer, and even when I think it's going to "help" it never really does. Yet sometimes I can't seem to stop myself, or in the moment I think "Yeah, a few beers would be a good idea right now..." I guess I just feel really lost...
BUT I know that drinking it away is not the answer, and even when I think it's going to "help" it never really does. Yet sometimes I can't seem to stop myself, or in the moment I think "Yeah, a few beers would be a good idea right now..." I guess I just feel really lost...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Western New York
Posts: 375
This post is amazing to me to read, because this is me. I don't mean this is similar to me, I mean, literally I wrote this post 4 1/2 years ago. When I decided to return to SR, I couldn't figure out my old password so I just started a new user name. Something made me search out my old posts today.
I had come here mostly to deal with my father's drinking, and I didn't even remember that I had once acknowledged my own problems with alcohol. I mean, this is over 4 years ago, and I could have written it a 2 months ago, and still could have called it "finally admitting" Wow, it just really shows the power of denial. If only I'd gotten help then, what pain I could have saved myself. Really just - wow.
And funny - Ex I was talking about? We got back together- and I married him.
-Alison
I had come here mostly to deal with my father's drinking, and I didn't even remember that I had once acknowledged my own problems with alcohol. I mean, this is over 4 years ago, and I could have written it a 2 months ago, and still could have called it "finally admitting" Wow, it just really shows the power of denial. If only I'd gotten help then, what pain I could have saved myself. Really just - wow.
And funny - Ex I was talking about? We got back together- and I married him.
-Alison
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
That must be really weird to look back on Alison. I often wish I had written something down when I was contemplating quitting years ago, I'd love to have know how I felt then because I can't remember now. I think it takes us all years to finally get it. Thanks for sharing your discovery 
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