CNH08

Hello,

It's been two months since I last visited the forum, almost to the day. After I joined I managed to stop drinking for two weeks. I started again which is why I stopped visiting. It began slowly; I could limit my drinking and stop after two. But then it became three, four, five. Next thing I knew I was drinking uncontrollably to the point where I would get sick in public. And then keep drinking. I already lost my job, destroyed a relationship, and ruined my reputation in some circles. I am trying to admit I have a drinking problem, and take responsibility for my behavior, but it is really hard. I don't know if I can do it. Personal accountability has never been one of my strengths. I just don't know...maybe I shouldn't have posted if I am not yet willing to commit to being sober, but I felt the need to reach out. Thanks.

britabroad

CNH, I so get you. I have lurked on this forum for years and joined in January but have been faffing about and not committing to anything, and still drinking. But tomorrow I'm hitting my first AA meeting. I'm proud of myself already for contacting AA and making the arrangements. Hope things get better for both of us. X

peanut44

What do you have to lose trying it out??

I'm glad you're here!!

Dee74

Welcome back CNH08

I think if you can accept that this progression

is inevitable - it will keep happening (the only change is it will get worse)... then you're a long way to keeping sober.

Acceptance of what I was really helped me.

Support did too - use SR - if SR is not enough, find other outlets as well.
Change those things in your life that encourage drinking.

Fight that apathy that says 'well I might do something or I might not'...

things only get worse unless we decide for change.

D

Hevyn

I'm glad to see you too, CNH08. I drank all my life and failed many times to get it right. I kept insisting if I used enough willpower I could have a few now and then. We see how well that works. Once I finally understood that I couldn't touch it - I was able to get free. Being here with others who'd traveled the same road made all the difference.

Never stop trying for a better life for yourself. You can do this.

ScottFromWI

CNH - you can do it if you want to, and you coming back tells me that you do want to get better. Otherwise why would you have posted? No one said it would be easy, but nothing in life that is worth anything usually is. As you probably know, it's all up to you - you have 100% control over the choice to stop. And ANYONE can stop if they truly want to. I hope you make the choice and decide to stay with us - we want you to get better too. You just have to make that step.

CNH08

All I can say is thanks for reading and for the support. I really do want a life where I am free from alcohol-induced depression, anxiety, guilt and shame. Sometimes I don't leave my apartment for days. Sometimes I don't talk to my friends and family for weeks. My brother stopped drinking for a month and said he never felt better. I want to experience that feeling.

Dee74

For some there's instant relief...for others, like me, I had to work at it...there were many other things in my life and in me that were making me unhappy....stopping drinking was simply one step for me.

Once I realised that, it made it better somehow...and you will get there...I love my life now...don't give up

D

ScottFromWI

You can experience that feeling. And the greatest part is you hold the key - no one else can turn it for you. SR is a great place for support once you decide to quit, but as you'll hear over and over no one can help you until you decicde to help yourself. We're all ready for you, and someone is always here if you need reassurance.

least

Whatever you do, don't give up! I tried and failed many times but kept on trying and finally got it right. You can too.

Nonsensical

Sobriety is risk-free to try. If you decide you don't like it you can always go back to getting sick in public and ruining your relationships.

Most of us flop back and forth a few times before we figure out what we really want.

Read around on the forums here. There are multiple ways to attain and maintain sobriety. Don't just settle for the first thing you hear about. Try the method you think is most likely to be successful for you. Everybody is different.

Best of luck!

CNH08

I decided that I am going to go to an AA meeting. I was looking for groups in my area and I came across an Alano group. I found them on the AA website, but is it different than AA? They have the only open meetings near me. Also, the meetings have different names, does it matter what one you go to? I don't want to get in over my head. Thanks.

artsoul

It can be a bit confusing, I know. Different AA groups often have names for themselves (like "Main Street Group" or whatever) - it's just a way that people identify the group/location.

The Alano group looks like it has lots of meetings, which is great. I think I'd probably stick with something basic (12&12, 24 hours a day, 12 step group, or Beginners Steps 1-3), but any meeting you attend will give you a feel for AA and you can always ask around for the best beginners' groups.

It's hard to feel positive right now, I know. I really didn't think I would be able to get/stay sober when I first started, but reaching out and taking it a day at a time was what helped me the most. Glad you're back!

Anna

I'm glad you're back!

I didn't experience instant relief either when I stopped drinking. I had a lot of stuff in my life to deal with so it was more of a gradual, but steady improvement.

I'm glad you're continuing to work on your recovery.

CNH08

Thanks artsoul. There is a Beginners 1-2-3 tonight. I am going to check it out. It seems I keep putting one foot in front of the other in the direction toward making a change. It feels like there is someone else doing these things, but I think it is maybe the part of me that knows I have a problem.

CNH08

Thanks Anna. I love your quote. I have it posted in my house in an attempt to surround myself with positive affirmations that will hopefully, eventually, have an impact on the way I think about myself.

soberlicious

Good for you CNH08 for starting to make changes in your life. You can have the life you want and be free from addiction. Believe that.

Hevyn

I hope the meeting is helpful for you. I think it's good you're giving it a try.

soberclover

I agree that you must want to make some change in your life as you posted on SR, responded, and looked up information regarding AA. As the days pass that I remain sober I'm finding it harder to think about drinking as I was so much like you and I don't want to go back to that way of life. I want a real life. I'm glad you posted!

CNH08

So I went. I almost broke down in tears like 5 times before, a few during, and then couldn't help it on the bus ride home. Honesty is a bi%$h. The whole experience was emotional for me, even though I didn't speak.

Everyone was respectful and I felt at ease the whole time.

I'd like to go back but I have a scheduling conflict at that time for the next 12 weeks. I found one tomorrow for young people. I'm in my early thirties, is that too old?

And, thank you for all of the kindness and well-wishes :-)