kj3880

Here's a question for you all.
I went to a meeting today with a really...well...disturbed woman, I'll call her. Disturbed woman used the Burning Desire portion of the meeting to talk for about 20 minutes on how she isn't taking her psychotropics because she is still getting high, and she now feels crazy, like she might hurt someone. She didn't take hardly a single breath during her 20-minute share. Some of the things she said were scary in an obsessive thought kind of way. I won't go into specifics, but I was concerned. She sounded really crazy and very, very high.

She followed me to the parking lot and wanted my phone number after the meeting, even though I didn't say anything at all that night. I gave her my cell number, and she said "When can I call you? Can I get your home number, too?" I just told her that I don't give out my home number (that was true, I don't give it out). She seemed kind of mad when I said that, and it made me sorry I even gave her my cell number.

I know how this sounds, but I actually hope she doesn't call me, as I don't think I can be that helpful to someone who isn't based here in reality at all. Obviously she has a lot of problems, and I am sorry that she is so miserable, but would it have been OK to just say "I'm sorry, I can't give you my number right now?" Does that seem way selfish?:wtf2
KJ

lilkim

No, it seems safer

least

Not selfish at all, would be a smart move to keep a distance.

Toomutch

I do not think it was selfish at all. The fact that you felt uncomfortable around her and that she said such disturbing things, you had no other choice. Always listen to your gut.

Ananda

I've had similar delimas although more in deciding just not to put my name and number on the meeting schedule that is passed around for a newcomer.

I am interested to hear others expereince with dealing with this sort of issue. In my gut i believe there is a time to say no.....but i am really lousy about figuring out how to say it.

Tks KJ

TTOSBT

Ugh, NO, that is not selfish!
If a sketchy newcomer asks for my info, I tell them that I will be at this meeting f20 minutes ahead of time if they would like to talk but I do not give out my number a lot because I have found that I don't have enough time to call everyone back and I don't want anyone to get their feelings hurt. I then make sure that the have Central's number if they need to call someone or use. And to be honest? She shared that she was still using! She needs a doctor, not me.

dancinggirl

Wow...good thread...I never even considered this type of situation!!! When people asked for my number when I first started going to meetings I just told them that I'm too new and not comfortable enough yet to give it out.

Mattcake

Not selfish at all... We all have a right to set boundaries we feel comfortable with JMO.

Dean62

Of course you can say no. Your only responsible for your sobriety. Don't feel like you have some obligation to give out your phone number to anyone anytime. That's not a part of the program. If she can't even make the minimal commitment of coming to a meeting clean and sober then she is probably not ready yet. I'm speaking from my own past actions on that one.

CarolD

When I was a drinker....and a jerk wanted my number
I transposed the last 2 numbers ..so I got no call. I've also done that in sobriety.

The chairperson of that meeting must have been
inexperienced to allow this disruption to continue.

...I would not have given her my number
as I can not help anyone high or manic.

I'm sorry this happened to you....and if I were you
I would not be going back to that meeting for
a few weeks. I also would be screening my cell calls.

adore79

You did the right thing and you dont need to have anything to do with her if you dont want.

I will also say, that AA is supposed to accept people with mental illness other than addiction to alcohol, but in my experience they are completely unprepared and unwilling to accept people with serious mental illness like schizophrenia.

Anna

I'm glad you said no and hope you continue to stay safe.

bostonluv

Sounds safe. I believe from my past experiences to always go with my gut if even it seems "rude." A lot of people have had terrible things happen to them (raped, mugged, etc.) trying to avoid being rude when their gut indicated otherwise. IMO.

Aysha

Actually..You did way more than I would have. I wouldnt have even let her get far enough in to ask for anything. Sorry..I may sound mean..But thats too much for me to handle. Especially when I have enough of my own **** to deal with.

lostbutterfly

There's a woman at my AA meetings who is still drinking - a lot - and she comes in reeking of booze. She lives quite close to me and has my number. I find her really hard to be around - I don't feel nearly strong enough to be around someone like that while I'm so early on in my own recovery. Wish I'd never given my number too.

I don't think you're being selfish KJ. The times I've gotten into trouble are the times I ignored my instincts/gut feeling. We've been given them for a reason!

Missymae737

This is great advise...