Learning not to react
God's Kid
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
Learning not to react
There was a great reading on not reacting this morning in Al Anons daily reader, Courage to Change.
I think pre Al Anon I just was like a ping pong ball reacting to everyone and everything around me, it never occured to me to stop, think about what I wanted to say or do, then act.
An example of this for me is arguments in the supermarket.
The number of arguments I have had with partners and/or children in the supermarket are endless. If my partner or child ever got upset with me or about something in the supermarket, I'd automatically read them the riot act, right then and there. I wasn't interested in listening to their whining or complaining about what we were buying.
Then one day, after I'd been in Al Anon a year or two, my BF at the time, started spaking out over something small and I felt myself tense. Then I stopped, smiled, rub him on the arm and said "How about we do this instead then?"
If I have had defining moments in Al Anon, this was one of them.
He said, "Okay." And then we carried on shopping and that was that. No drama, no incident - everything was peaceful and nice. And I felt really good about the way I'd behaved.
Al Anon has taught me to not make a situation worse by reacting and how to be responsible for myself by acting. Despite the fact that relationship ended, I still think about that incident and feel really proud of myself.
I think there's a lot to be said about behaving like a sane, rational human being. Living with alcoholism can rob us of this, but it has been my expereince Al Anon can return it ten fold.
I think pre Al Anon I just was like a ping pong ball reacting to everyone and everything around me, it never occured to me to stop, think about what I wanted to say or do, then act.
An example of this for me is arguments in the supermarket.
The number of arguments I have had with partners and/or children in the supermarket are endless. If my partner or child ever got upset with me or about something in the supermarket, I'd automatically read them the riot act, right then and there. I wasn't interested in listening to their whining or complaining about what we were buying.
Then one day, after I'd been in Al Anon a year or two, my BF at the time, started spaking out over something small and I felt myself tense. Then I stopped, smiled, rub him on the arm and said "How about we do this instead then?"
If I have had defining moments in Al Anon, this was one of them.
He said, "Okay." And then we carried on shopping and that was that. No drama, no incident - everything was peaceful and nice. And I felt really good about the way I'd behaved.
Al Anon has taught me to not make a situation worse by reacting and how to be responsible for myself by acting. Despite the fact that relationship ended, I still think about that incident and feel really proud of myself.
I think there's a lot to be said about behaving like a sane, rational human being. Living with alcoholism can rob us of this, but it has been my expereince Al Anon can return it ten fold.
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