And The Circle Continues!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
And The Circle Continues!
Hi All:
More new excitment in my life! OR NOT!
I got a call from my 20-year old granddaughter (son's daughter) who has a 14-month old baby girl that was just taken away by the paternal grandparents!
I have not been in contact with her for a very long time. The first couple of times was last year and she called asking me for, what else, but HELP! You know the kind of help "SEND MONEY!"
She tried pushing all the usual buttoms, but couldn't hit on any of them! Gee, I wonder why??? Guess it's because her father, my son, had already pushed them all.
While all of this is very, very, sad, I stood tough! I felt very proud of myself!
This time she called to inform me about losing her baby and just to tell me she was going into a 6-month program. I almost thought she was just calling to let me know so I could pass this information on to her Dad; however, you know they always have a need.
So, she finally got to the point which was all of her things are in a storage unit (of course, remember her Dad??) and she had no way of paying because she was going into the program. Would I pay for the next 6 months?? Afterall, Grandma, it's all my stuff!!
I started to say NO, but then said let me think about this call me later.
What I finally decided (actually felt in control and good about the decision I made) was I would pay her storage monthly as long as she was in the program. The moment she left all bets were off. I made it perfectly clear. She more than agreed.
I got the name, address, phone number of the facility she was to report to on Tuesday (this was on Saturday she called). I called and spoke to the director who confirmed she was to report there on Tuesday. I told who I was, and about our "deal." I asked that she contact me if she didn't show or didn't complete the program.
I sent the money to the storage unit!
Bet you're wondering if she showed huh? What do you think? Of course she didn't show!
The director called said she tried to contact her, but the person who answered the phone said he had bought the phone from her.
I wasn't really mad about getting taken for a month's storage. In fact, I expected to.
I then called her cellphone and left a message. All I said was, "It's Grandma calling to let you know all bets are off!"
Man, I no sooner hung up the phone and she called with all the usual excuses. I told her I had heard them all and wasn't interested in anything she had to say. I told her I didn't appreciate being used, and I wouldn't be paying anymore. I told her I didn't care about her "stuff" and if she did care about it I suggested she make better choices.
In the end, she found that no matter what she said and what excuse or lie she came up with...it wasn't working! She then cried and said she had only 6 months to 1 year to get her baby back; to which I replied then you best start making better choices, and perhaps she should get her priorities in order. You know baby first, STUFF later!
That was the end of the conversation except she said she was looking for a detox center as soon as we hung up.
I said, I love you, and will pray that you think of your daughter whenever you make a decision
We'll see. I'm just not putting up with yet another addict. How sad!!
Sorry about this being so long! Aren't you glad when I don't post! NOT!
Hugs, Devastated
More new excitment in my life! OR NOT!
I got a call from my 20-year old granddaughter (son's daughter) who has a 14-month old baby girl that was just taken away by the paternal grandparents!
I have not been in contact with her for a very long time. The first couple of times was last year and she called asking me for, what else, but HELP! You know the kind of help "SEND MONEY!"
She tried pushing all the usual buttoms, but couldn't hit on any of them! Gee, I wonder why??? Guess it's because her father, my son, had already pushed them all.
While all of this is very, very, sad, I stood tough! I felt very proud of myself!
This time she called to inform me about losing her baby and just to tell me she was going into a 6-month program. I almost thought she was just calling to let me know so I could pass this information on to her Dad; however, you know they always have a need.
So, she finally got to the point which was all of her things are in a storage unit (of course, remember her Dad??) and she had no way of paying because she was going into the program. Would I pay for the next 6 months?? Afterall, Grandma, it's all my stuff!!
I started to say NO, but then said let me think about this call me later.
What I finally decided (actually felt in control and good about the decision I made) was I would pay her storage monthly as long as she was in the program. The moment she left all bets were off. I made it perfectly clear. She more than agreed.
I got the name, address, phone number of the facility she was to report to on Tuesday (this was on Saturday she called). I called and spoke to the director who confirmed she was to report there on Tuesday. I told who I was, and about our "deal." I asked that she contact me if she didn't show or didn't complete the program.
I sent the money to the storage unit!
Bet you're wondering if she showed huh? What do you think? Of course she didn't show!
The director called said she tried to contact her, but the person who answered the phone said he had bought the phone from her.
I wasn't really mad about getting taken for a month's storage. In fact, I expected to.
I then called her cellphone and left a message. All I said was, "It's Grandma calling to let you know all bets are off!"
Man, I no sooner hung up the phone and she called with all the usual excuses. I told her I had heard them all and wasn't interested in anything she had to say. I told her I didn't appreciate being used, and I wouldn't be paying anymore. I told her I didn't care about her "stuff" and if she did care about it I suggested she make better choices.
In the end, she found that no matter what she said and what excuse or lie she came up with...it wasn't working! She then cried and said she had only 6 months to 1 year to get her baby back; to which I replied then you best start making better choices, and perhaps she should get her priorities in order. You know baby first, STUFF later!
That was the end of the conversation except she said she was looking for a detox center as soon as we hung up.
I said, I love you, and will pray that you think of your daughter whenever you make a decision
We'll see. I'm just not putting up with yet another addict. How sad!!
Sorry about this being so long! Aren't you glad when I don't post! NOT!
Hugs, Devastated
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Hi Dev - So good to hear from you. Sorry about your granddaughter, but wow - your post could be a How To Guide for codies - awesome! What I like best - you said what you meant, meant what you said, but didn't say it mean!
Hope you and Mr D are both well and enjoying life
Hope you and Mr D are both well and enjoying life
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Hi Greeteachday & Liesagain
Thank you very much for your kind words. I do feel good about myself these days. I actually feel in control.
As I said, I didn't answer her right away, which is something I learned here. Take your time, think about it, then decide. I also didn't feel like I was being a CODIE! I know in a way I was, but at least it was on my terms, not hers.
The best part is I did say what I meant and meant what I said and did it without, as you said, being hateful.
When we said goodbye, she said, "I love you" and I replied "I love you more!"
I didn't realize it, but Mr. Dev heard the entire conversation. You know I spent half of my life hiding everything from him! Anyway, when I came outside on the deck he said "gooda joba, I'm a proud of you mamma!"
Now I know I did well!
Thank you to everyone here that has helped me through all my years of crying and throwing myself on my sword! Big hugs to all you big girls out there that keep telling me that one day everything would be ok!
While things are certainly not perfect in my life with my son and now his daughter, I'm no longer killing myself to make things ok! I now leave it in my hands of my HP, and HIS plan.
Hugs to you all,
Devastated
p.s. talk about being a slow learner! Hello? 32 years?? It's about time!
As I said, I didn't answer her right away, which is something I learned here. Take your time, think about it, then decide. I also didn't feel like I was being a CODIE! I know in a way I was, but at least it was on my terms, not hers.
The best part is I did say what I meant and meant what I said and did it without, as you said, being hateful.
When we said goodbye, she said, "I love you" and I replied "I love you more!"
I didn't realize it, but Mr. Dev heard the entire conversation. You know I spent half of my life hiding everything from him! Anyway, when I came outside on the deck he said "gooda joba, I'm a proud of you mamma!"
Now I know I did well!
Thank you to everyone here that has helped me through all my years of crying and throwing myself on my sword! Big hugs to all you big girls out there that keep telling me that one day everything would be ok!
While things are certainly not perfect in my life with my son and now his daughter, I'm no longer killing myself to make things ok! I now leave it in my hands of my HP, and HIS plan.
Hugs to you all,
Devastated
p.s. talk about being a slow learner! Hello? 32 years?? It's about time!
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hi Dev, Sorry to hear about your grandaughter losing her baby but hopefully shes in the hands of someone that can care for her better at this point. As I was reading your post~~ I immediately said to myself that I would pay for the storage.....NOT expecting to read what I did next. Hopefully she does get into a rehab~~and fast!! You do sound great and you've got this all together. I have spent years not telling my hubby everything either. NOW I do. He's retired and home and nothing gets by him......oh~ is this an adjustment......LOL So, glad to hear how things are on your end and keep up the good work. Hugs, Bonnie
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
dev, i do know how hard it is for you. my a.s, j's 16 yr. old son makes me sad. he is in youth detention. he just spent 30 days in jail for assult on a school official. i got a letter from him yesterday saying how hard he was going to try to do the right things so he could go home. problem is he has no home. i ask mr. hope "where is home". it breaks my heart but i can not go thru with him what i have gone thru with his father. i just pray & turn them both over to my h.p. hugs & prayers for you & yours.
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Hi Moose; Marle; Hope213; Bonnie
Yep Moose you're right, it is a damn shame that the wheel keeps on turning. I told her that too. She said "if I could just get out of this town and start over somewhere else!" I said, it doesn't matter where you go, what matters is the choices you make wherever you are!
Whew, just full of wisdom, I am! LOL Come a long way from the days when I would call San Quentin to talk to the Warden huh? LOL Oh, yeah, how about calling SQ and asking to speak to the chaplain asking him to get a message to my son? Love that one!
Kidding aside, it is true. I told her she could go to Timbuckto (sp?) and it wouldn't matter if she was looking for bad she'd find it!
She never gets hateful or argues with me, which is pretty refreshing; however, she probably doesn't listen either.
Hope, that breaks my heart too! I also have a grandson that age (my son's son) so far he's been ok, but I don't have a lot of hope for him either. He will have nothing to do with his father as he is very angry.
Thanks Marle, I sure hope I make the difference in someone's life.
Hi Bonnie, I actually am happy (and told the granddaughter) that the child is with someone who cares for her. The paternal grandparents. The bf and father of the baby isn't any better than she is, as this all began when he got thrown in the slammer for selling drugs! I know what you mean about retirement....we've been retired since 1993. Very early retirement! We do have a lot of fun though.
Anyway, thanks for your replies. Nice to hear from you.
Hugs, Devastated
p.s. how come I only show so few posts since 2002? God knows I posted 100 times a day from 2002 to 2007.
Whew, just full of wisdom, I am! LOL Come a long way from the days when I would call San Quentin to talk to the Warden huh? LOL Oh, yeah, how about calling SQ and asking to speak to the chaplain asking him to get a message to my son? Love that one!
Kidding aside, it is true. I told her she could go to Timbuckto (sp?) and it wouldn't matter if she was looking for bad she'd find it!
She never gets hateful or argues with me, which is pretty refreshing; however, she probably doesn't listen either.
Hope, that breaks my heart too! I also have a grandson that age (my son's son) so far he's been ok, but I don't have a lot of hope for him either. He will have nothing to do with his father as he is very angry.
Thanks Marle, I sure hope I make the difference in someone's life.
Hi Bonnie, I actually am happy (and told the granddaughter) that the child is with someone who cares for her. The paternal grandparents. The bf and father of the baby isn't any better than she is, as this all began when he got thrown in the slammer for selling drugs! I know what you mean about retirement....we've been retired since 1993. Very early retirement! We do have a lot of fun though.
Anyway, thanks for your replies. Nice to hear from you.
Hugs, Devastated
p.s. how come I only show so few posts since 2002? God knows I posted 100 times a day from 2002 to 2007.
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New York, USA
Posts: 230
Right now I feel pretty good about the grandkids and the choice's they've been making. The oldest is 15, plays all kinds of sports and is on the honor roll. I know all of this can change in a moment but knowing what her mother is doing and knowing we aren't accepting of it she's made a vow to not ruin her life with drugs. She wants more out of life but like I said it can change in an instant.
And if it should, thanks for giving me a heads up that grandkids need the same response as my AD. I've already learned alot from watching my AD using her grandmother and vowed to not do the same thing and it just makes me feel good seeing how you cam stay firm with love.
You rock.
And if it should, thanks for giving me a heads up that grandkids need the same response as my AD. I've already learned alot from watching my AD using her grandmother and vowed to not do the same thing and it just makes me feel good seeing how you cam stay firm with love.
You rock.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by devastated 
p.s. how come I only show so few posts since 2002? God knows I posted 100 times a day from 2002 to 2007.
Your light is just shining, Dev, I'm so darn proud of you, and I hope she makes better choices soon. She's in my prayers, along with your boy and that wonderful Italian man you are married to....he's in my "nice work, God" prayers
When I read about the storage place, it reminded me of when your son considered living there and the fun we had with that...oh, lordy you make me laugh sometimes.
It's great to see you again. Love you lots.
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
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Thanks .....
to all you wonderful friends. JMF, you never want to grow up to be like me believe me! Whew, that would mean that you would have to go through all I did, i.e. having warden's name on your speed dial! Nope, you want to grow up to be like you, but the thought was sure swee!
Baxter, that's a good thing keeping the children busy with sports! That grandchild sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. I think that's wonderful that she wants to rise above the problem of drugs. Good for her!
Sleepygoat, you're right it does feel good not to be manipulated anymore. I like the feeling of being in control again.
Impurrfect, gee thanks. You left out the fact that I am such a "fast" learner! LOL
Ann, my dearest friend, without you I probably would be curled up in a little ball somewhere still crying! You were right it does get better! OMG, I thought the same thing when the grandaughter talked about the storage unit! Do you remember how we laughed, well after I got over the shock, when my son said he was going to live in his storage unit? You have to admit the kid is really creative!! The grandaughter has some real "living up to" to beat his stories!
Remember when I was so sorry that the pillow case in SQ had such a bad thread count!! To think my child had to rest his weary head on a pillowcase with less than 1000 thread count! LOL
Yep, we sure did have a few laughs along the way! Thank the Lord 'cause it kept us sane. The prison wedding was the best. I'm kind of sorry she turned him down. LOL
Thank you for your prayers as I'm sure my son and now the grandaughter can use them. As for Mr. Dev, he is truly the BEST! I am so lucky he is still hanging around after what the kid has put us through!
Can you imagine Mr. Dev can actually laugh about the time my son sold his truck to some dope dealer in the worse neighborhood, and we went and got it back! The guy was really mad too...he said, "man, I was going to help my friend move today and needed that truck!" YIPES! NEVER WANT TO SEE AN IRATE ITALIAN AGAIN! EVEN THE DRUG DEALER APOLOGIZED! LOL
Yep, those were the days my friend! Never want to live them again!
Hugs, Devastated
Baxter, that's a good thing keeping the children busy with sports! That grandchild sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. I think that's wonderful that she wants to rise above the problem of drugs. Good for her!
Sleepygoat, you're right it does feel good not to be manipulated anymore. I like the feeling of being in control again.
Impurrfect, gee thanks. You left out the fact that I am such a "fast" learner! LOL
Ann, my dearest friend, without you I probably would be curled up in a little ball somewhere still crying! You were right it does get better! OMG, I thought the same thing when the grandaughter talked about the storage unit! Do you remember how we laughed, well after I got over the shock, when my son said he was going to live in his storage unit? You have to admit the kid is really creative!! The grandaughter has some real "living up to" to beat his stories!
Remember when I was so sorry that the pillow case in SQ had such a bad thread count!! To think my child had to rest his weary head on a pillowcase with less than 1000 thread count! LOL
Yep, we sure did have a few laughs along the way! Thank the Lord 'cause it kept us sane. The prison wedding was the best. I'm kind of sorry she turned him down. LOL
Thank you for your prayers as I'm sure my son and now the grandaughter can use them. As for Mr. Dev, he is truly the BEST! I am so lucky he is still hanging around after what the kid has put us through!
Can you imagine Mr. Dev can actually laugh about the time my son sold his truck to some dope dealer in the worse neighborhood, and we went and got it back! The guy was really mad too...he said, "man, I was going to help my friend move today and needed that truck!" YIPES! NEVER WANT TO SEE AN IRATE ITALIAN AGAIN! EVEN THE DRUG DEALER APOLOGIZED! LOL
Yep, those were the days my friend! Never want to live them again!
Hugs, Devastated
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Dev, I still have my "friend of the mother of the groom" prison wedding dress, I think the leather is a nice touch, don't you.
Yup, we've learned to laugh along the way, there's more than enough time for the tears. It's the laughter that kept me sane some days, and dear friends like you to hand me the tissues.
Hugs and Lotsa Love
Yup, we've learned to laugh along the way, there's more than enough time for the tears. It's the laughter that kept me sane some days, and dear friends like you to hand me the tissues.
Hugs and Lotsa Love
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Oh Ann
After seeing that dress, the memories are flooding back! Makes me so sad that the "hey, I'm almost a bride" didn't get to wear her gorgeous dress.
Oh, and your gown was so lovely...the leather gave it such a nice touch!
Thank the Lord I was able to keep the dress just in case there is yet another willing "bride" in the future. LOL:rof
Hugs, Dev
Oh, and your gown was so lovely...the leather gave it such a nice touch!
Thank the Lord I was able to keep the dress just in case there is yet another willing "bride" in the future. LOL:rof
Hugs, Dev
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