lyn_blossom78

As most of you know, Squinty quit drinking on June 11. I was cautiously elated. I realised that without working a program it would be hard. I was aware of the fact he was taking one day at a time.

Well, he drank last night--so why am I so torn up? I knew there was a better chance that he would drink again rather than never drink again.

I knew, too, that he was going to be in a position that he would almost feel he needed to drink--so he did.

Let me back up and fill you in on a few things. My mother gave up a baby for adoption in 1956 in Tampa. Then she married my dad in 1957, and proceeded to have the rest of us 5 kids. I found about my other brother when I was in high school, after my mother had died. I searched for several years, and 2 years ago I found him. He still lives near Tampa. My sister and I went down to meet him, and he's a wonderful man with a wonderful family. They drink. Well, so do/did we. Socially, that is--except for Squinty, who has developed an addiction. During that time, Squinty was at his worse. There were many times my brother would call, and Squinty would be drunk and beligerent. It was hard to hide from my family, even this brother down in FL. About a year and a half ago, I decided I wasn't going to drink, because I didn't want to cause my husband to have any extra excuses--he already had enough. Then my husband and I went down to see my brother and family last September. Of course, they were raised that you offer drinks as hospitality, etc. I only drank when it came a point on about the last day, that it was awkward to say no anymore, due to the fact I was beginning to look like a goody-goody, and making my husband mad as well. (I know--I know). I only drank a couple of drinks.

Anyways, they came to Ohio to see all of us this week. Of course, they are on vacation, so they drink. My siblings all drink, though they keep things under control. As I said, this was social, not drink till you are drunk, stuff. A couple of beers with steak, some drank a glass or 2 of wine. I had none. Don't want it--especially since Squinty hasn't been drinking. Well, he did pretty well on Tuesday night at my sister's house. I didn't take him any alcohol (I refuse to provide it for him). Though, one of my nephews thinks he went out to his truck a couple of times, and suspected he drank, I found out later. We had driven separate, and Squinty went home first. We have been getting along pretty well, now that he hasn't had alcohol in his system. I went in and told him how proud of him I was that he didn't drink. He acted like I had insulted him, or something, so I changed the subject, and made light of some things.

Well, last night, everyone was to come to my house. Squinty decided to buy alcohol for my brother and sister-in-law. Bought way too much. But I wasn't worried, because he bought stuff he wouldn't drink. He is a strictly whiskey and pepsi man. But, he still had his bottle out in the garage, so he drank. Until he was plastered. Not just a couple, like everyone else, of course.

I'm so disappointed. Now, what? We were doing so well. He's been looking for an excuse, so I know it would have come anyways, with or without the visit. He's brought it up so many tiimes, so I could just feel it coming. But I'm still really really down.

Thanks for listening,
Lyn

constant

Oh lyn......I really feel your pain......I am waiting too, although it hasn't happened yet, but we know the possiblities are high!!!

I don't know how open y'all are, but I would talk with him about it. How you feel, how he feels, what his intentions are now. Does he plan on getting back to his sobriety or does he think because he slipped that it is all over. I am sure he is going to be feeling pretty bad about himself maybe he will see a program would be helpful now. I could be wrong being a co-die and all, but I think that is what I would do.

Of course continue your own program! Take care of yourself and by all means keep us filled in. ((((((((((((((lyn)))))))))))))) I hope that things are going to be brighter for you this weekend.

Constant

lyn_blossom78

Thanks so much, Constant! I'm trying not to pay much attention to whether or not he drinks. But his behavior is back to its previous shaky state. He is depressed a lot. This weekend, he has barely spoken to me. Thankfully, I've been at our County fair most of the time, so he's been easy to avoid. But, tomorrow it's back to work, and his nasty attitude. After a month of a break (which was sssooooo nice) I'm not going to put up with the nastiness. I don't listen to his remarks. I know he's mad at himself and taking it out on me, but he's just going to have to grow up and deal with it. It's so hard to not just think he did this because he doesn't care about me or his family. But I know it's just that the alcohol is powerful, and he's not turning to God for guidance, and trying to do it all by himself. He has always believed he is the greatest thing there is, and that there is nothing he cannot do.

I guess I probably sound discouraged--which I am to an extent--but I was aware of the whole situation, and knew I couldn't change it. Now, step 2 is, he knows he has a problem, he chose to do something about it, then decided to use excuses so he could drink again (denial, blaming), he points fingers at all that didn't change "after all he did"--now he will know he needs help to deal with it (I hope). This is the first time he's tried to quit. I think he needs to see it is a real problem.

Thanks,

Lyn

Morning Glory

Lyn,

I'm sorry for your disappointment. It's frustrating to know there is nothing we can do to help with their recovery. It's also very hard to watch the alcohol take them away from us again.

I hope he gives it another try.

Sending you lots of hugs,

MG

Ann

Lyn

I'm sorry too, I know this is hard for you.

I'm sending hugs and prayers that he will try again and get back on track.

In the meantime, just keep looking after you and leave the rest up to God and Squinty.

Hugs
Ann

lyn_blossom78

Thanks so much--I really needed the encouragement today.

Hugs,
Lyn

Sarah2003

((((((((((((lyn))))))))))))))

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this. I know the feeling of *waiting* and knowing that something is about to happen. Even while we detach and focus on our own recovery, we do get the *feeling* and are surprisingly not shocked when the bomb drops.

You are so strong and confident. You have such a wonderful family who support you. I've always admired your tenacity....you're upbeat, even during the tough times.

And you are so right...squinty is mad as heck at himself right now. He hates himself for pain that his actions cause you. He knows he messed up~~~that is exactly why he is blaming you. It's easier for him to do so.

I have you and Squinty in my thoughts and prayers. I believe that Squinty is a lucky man to have you as his wife, and I think he knows this.

Take care,

Sarah