totallylost

Hi everyone! I haven't been around alot lately. I have been working alot of hours at my job. I have been seperated with my hubby since last July. It has been a ton of ups & downs with him since he was unfaithful and started up drinking a year ago. I made a wrong choice well actually two of them. After a year of being seperated and frustrated he wouldn't quit drinking nor work on our marriage, I continued to pull myself away from him knowing only he could stop the drinking with help and God! I waited for him, forgave him and just gave up. I made the wrong choice in which still married to him, I choose to go out on a date with man that had been my friend for long time. Loneliness and frustration got to me and I broke my marriage vows by having sex with someone who cares about me and the kids. I told the friend I wasn't ready for a relationship and I was sorry for bringing confusion into our friendship. I prayed and felt bad for breaking my marriage vows to my hubby. I had admitted to him on tuesday that I had been unfaithful although I didn't tell him who the man was. Of course he was furious with me when I told him and the whole day it was just fights. I felt better telling him not to hurt him or get back him deal but the fact I hadn't ever been dishonest with him. In this whole year we have been seperated he wouldn't even so much as say he would try or act as he was trying. I ended feeling crummy for the choice I had made in having sex with someone else while still married. My hubby always told me if I did cheat he would never speak to me again and file for a divorce. Well I looked at my actions as having closure with him after a year of waiting. Then I ended up surprised by him that the next few days he didn't mention what I had done and had kind words and trying to be helpful. Then 2 days of quite time with no phone calls, then today he goes and brings birthday cards for the kids. One of my son's had a birthday on thrusday, well the other kids that he had just dismissed along with everything else in our family, he brought them birthday cards as well as a gift. I was shocked the five kids got anything from him and he hugged & loved them up after he hasn't had much to do with them. Then he went on to ask for sex from me. I didn't give into him and explained I didn't have anything else that he was giving into our relationship. Well he took it okay but continued then for the first time since he left home to remind me of all the good and happy times we had shared. As well as telling me he was going to back away from booze. On tuesday I had told him I would be filing for a divorce. Which by the way is something I have been telling him but not following through on. He just continued to make contact with me and the kids. I am so confused just from my own actions and now his as well. I never imagined that he would put any effort into our family life again. More than anything I have wanted him sober and my family life back on track again. I don't know if what I told him made him realize or hit rock bottom. I don't know what to do. Thanks for listening. Hugs, Dawn

phoenix

Don't beat up on yourself for being human.We make mistakes,we struggle and (hopefully)we learn and move on from there.Keep taking care of yourself,and stay in touch

phoenix

countrygirl

1. I don't think having sex with a caring person is such a bad thing. A whole year? I don't think I would have waited that long, if I had wanted to do it. Maybe it was your own way of letting go of the marriage.

2. Honesty or no, I wouldn't have told him unless I wanted a reaction from him. Maybe the same thing?

3. He partly is realizing he is losing you for good and I think it likely he really does care about you, when pushed to feel at all. So good that he has done some good for the family. But that doesn't really change anything, does it?

When my ex got married again, it felt like a punch in the stomach. I sure as heck didn't want him back, but it all just seemed so final. Maybe we mourn the things that we used to dream would happen, possibilities gone forever, even though they never truly were possible.

4. I would go ahead with your plans. Be kind but firm. If there is reason to change your mind at some time in the future, you can change your mind then. I don't see a reason now.