Curiosity is getting to me again.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Curiosity is getting to me again.
I feel like the biggest hypocrite right now. All those positive posts I have posted. I still feel that way. But I am not going to pretend like everything is working like clock work either.
But tonight I am feeling urges. Not to get high. Not even for the drug. The freakin atmosphere of chaos.
OMG..Thats what drives me crazy when I am over there high. I am thinking what people are doing.
I put minutes on my phone today for the first time in 2 months. It should be safe by now. But I was going through my text messages and found a number. I deleted every single number in my phone 2 months ago. I didnt think to look in the texts. Now I am wanting to call this person and see whats going on. Just in general.
I have gotten rid of the number. And I dont know this one by heart. I only know 2 and I have no reason to call those numbers.
I dont know. I guess I am bored tonight. While everyone else is out at the club and having friends over like my cousins are doing. I am sitting home all by myself.
Nothing on tv. bored with the computer. My whole mood just flipped fast.
I'd play nintendo but that thing pi$$es me off.
Found out my brother..not real brother but he might as well be is in prison again. His mug looks really bad. He lives in NC and I only know where he is when he does get locked up. He is a crack addict too.
Just one of those days I guess. It will be better tomorrow.
Just feeling down and needed to vent.
I really hate how I feel like I am missing out on something over there. I am not missing anything except a bunch of crazy BS.
:wtf2
But tonight I am feeling urges. Not to get high. Not even for the drug. The freakin atmosphere of chaos.
OMG..Thats what drives me crazy when I am over there high. I am thinking what people are doing.
I put minutes on my phone today for the first time in 2 months. It should be safe by now. But I was going through my text messages and found a number. I deleted every single number in my phone 2 months ago. I didnt think to look in the texts. Now I am wanting to call this person and see whats going on. Just in general.
I have gotten rid of the number. And I dont know this one by heart. I only know 2 and I have no reason to call those numbers.
I dont know. I guess I am bored tonight. While everyone else is out at the club and having friends over like my cousins are doing. I am sitting home all by myself.
Nothing on tv. bored with the computer. My whole mood just flipped fast.
I'd play nintendo but that thing pi$$es me off.
Found out my brother..not real brother but he might as well be is in prison again. His mug looks really bad. He lives in NC and I only know where he is when he does get locked up. He is a crack addict too.
Just one of those days I guess. It will be better tomorrow.
Just feeling down and needed to vent.
I really hate how I feel like I am missing out on something over there. I am not missing anything except a bunch of crazy BS.
:wtf2
"Welcome To The Future..."
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: WV
Posts: 224
Don't feel like a hypocrite Chi!
We all get those urges from time to time, whether it's for the drug or just the atmosphere. You're learning to live a new lifestyle. Think about it, it's like learning to walk a new way after knowing only one way to walk for so many years. After all, that was your lifestyle for a long time. The memory of it is not going to go away so quickly. But it will improve. Just don't use, and give yourself time to learn this new walk. It's going to take you to some really great places in your life!
Love ya,
butters
:ghug3
We all get those urges from time to time, whether it's for the drug or just the atmosphere. You're learning to live a new lifestyle. Think about it, it's like learning to walk a new way after knowing only one way to walk for so many years. After all, that was your lifestyle for a long time. The memory of it is not going to go away so quickly. But it will improve. Just don't use, and give yourself time to learn this new walk. It's going to take you to some really great places in your life!
Love ya,
butters
:ghug3
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
yeah, you know I'm just an alkie, but I know you haven't missed out on jack, Trish. Nothing good anyway
They're just thoughts - stoopid idiot crazy self sabotaging thoughts. We've done that for so long - even know when they're no reason to think them we still do.
But there's no reason at all to act on them.
You're doing well
D
They're just thoughts - stoopid idiot crazy self sabotaging thoughts. We've done that for so long - even know when they're no reason to think them we still do.
But there's no reason at all to act on them.
You're doing well
D
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Number has been deleted.
Just got sad over my brother for a minute.
I seen his mug and my heart broke.
He looks like a corpse.
But just as noone could change me. I cant change him.
Unfortunatley..He will be a lifer. And I know its not good to say. But it is true.
He wont change because he doesnt want to.
All I can do is hope he does someday. And that he does it before he dies behind his addiction.
But I also have to accept that I cant let his circumstances bring me down. And accept he will probably never stop.
But I will always be there for him no matter what without helping him kill himself.
Just makes me sad.
Just got sad over my brother for a minute.
I seen his mug and my heart broke.
He looks like a corpse.
But just as noone could change me. I cant change him.
Unfortunatley..He will be a lifer. And I know its not good to say. But it is true.
He wont change because he doesnt want to.
All I can do is hope he does someday. And that he does it before he dies behind his addiction.
But I also have to accept that I cant let his circumstances bring me down. And accept he will probably never stop.
But I will always be there for him no matter what without helping him kill himself.
Just makes me sad.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
"But I am not going to pretend like everything is working like clock work either."
That's good because it never will be like clockwork.
The disease is always there, we just need to recognize it's speech & ideas occasionally.
That's good because it never will be like clockwork.
The disease is always there, we just need to recognize it's speech & ideas occasionally.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Trish)))
Glad you got through those feelings. I still get them, every now and then...I just don't give in to them.
Sorry about your brother. I got a letter from my XABF, who is back in jail, full of "jail talk" but I don't know that he will ever "get it" either. It's sad, but at least WE are moving forward
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Glad you got through those feelings. I still get them, every now and then...I just don't give in to them.
Sorry about your brother. I got a letter from my XABF, who is back in jail, full of "jail talk" but I don't know that he will ever "get it" either. It's sad, but at least WE are moving forward
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Seriously Fun!
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California coast
Posts: 415
Originally Posted by butterfly19 
Don't feel like a hypocrite Chi!
We all get those urges from time to time, whether it's for the drug or just the atmosphere. You're learning to live a new lifestyle. Think about it, it's like learning to walk a new way after knowing only one way to walk for so many years. After all, that was your lifestyle for a long time. The memory of it is not going to go away so quickly. But it will improve. Just don't use, and give yourself time to learn this new walk. It's going to take you to some really great places in your life!
We all get those urges from time to time, whether it's for the drug or just the atmosphere. You're learning to live a new lifestyle. Think about it, it's like learning to walk a new way after knowing only one way to walk for so many years. After all, that was your lifestyle for a long time. The memory of it is not going to go away so quickly. But it will improve. Just don't use, and give yourself time to learn this new walk. It's going to take you to some really great places in your life!
That is a slippery slope with slippery people. There are better people out there. Your mission is to find them.
Turning it all around
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 330
Good for you Chi, I was worried as I was reading your post. Each time you resist you get stronger and stronger and stronger. You find that you can do it. It empowers you. You hold long enough for the urge to go away and that makes you more powerful. Congratulations, I'm very proud of you. Keep on keepin' on!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Fort Wayne IN
Posts: 284
Been where you were. Glad you thought it through instead of acting on it. Shows progress. I get those insane thoughts myself. Glad you are feeling better. Support on this site is great for me, it has helped me stay sane in my insanity. LOL
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Hi Chi! Don't worry, everyone has bad days! You don't have to be positive all the time. Your human!!!!
I know how you feel. Sometimes I feel like I am going to go crazy too! I flip through the channels on the TV and there is nothing on. I get sick of the computer. etc.etc.etc. But I try to remember the last time I went to a club I ended up getting arrested on the way home for drunk driving and got to finish the night out in a jail cell hangcuffed to a prostitute! SCARY!
When I get like you are, I try to do something to help someone else even if it is just calling them on the phone, writing a letter to let them know I am thinking of them or send a email to a distant friend or relative. I don't know, for some reason I always feel better after I do that. Also- I have been taking ALOT of walks lately.
OH- You know what I did one time when I was going through a HUGE restless faze? I baked! WTF? I hate baking! But yes, I baked! I baked 10 dozen chocolate chip cookies and gave them to family and friends! LOL!
I know how you feel. Sometimes I feel like I am going to go crazy too! I flip through the channels on the TV and there is nothing on. I get sick of the computer. etc.etc.etc. But I try to remember the last time I went to a club I ended up getting arrested on the way home for drunk driving and got to finish the night out in a jail cell hangcuffed to a prostitute! SCARY!
When I get like you are, I try to do something to help someone else even if it is just calling them on the phone, writing a letter to let them know I am thinking of them or send a email to a distant friend or relative. I don't know, for some reason I always feel better after I do that. Also- I have been taking ALOT of walks lately.
OH- You know what I did one time when I was going through a HUGE restless faze? I baked! WTF? I hate baking! But yes, I baked! I baked 10 dozen chocolate chip cookies and gave them to family and friends! LOL!
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