williju

I am new to this site and using internet sites like this one. My husband of 2.5 years has a back problem, and was on oxycontin for 2 years and was definately abusing it. The ups and downs were horrible.
A few months ago he had a procedure that completely releaved his pain. He chose to find a Psychiatrist and used Suboxone very successfuly. Unfortunately, last week his father died after a long illness. He was very depressed. Right before his death, I practically cut my finger off and they prescribed Percocet. Then after a day or two a few pills were missing, so I flushed them. He did not seem like he was using. Then 2 days after the service he seemed like he was using. My husband's pupils are a dead give away, as well noding. I went and bought a drug test. Then later that day when he seemed "normal" I showed my concern that he relapsed due to his dad's death. He denied it and was adamant that he has not used. I offered to help him and go and see his doctor again. He denied and said he was not lying. Then I asked if he'd use the drug test. He became angry and would not. His reason was that he used a few of his brother's percocet that he found in his brother's truck while he was out of town.

OF course I became very upset and cried and cried. He was angry at me for over-reacting, then he basically admitted that he should not have taken the pills, and said he would not use anymore.
Yesterday, he denied going through withdrawals, but it was obvious.
Now today, his eyes are overly dilated.

What should I do?

Abundance

Be glad that his eyes are overly dilated. That means he hasn't used again.

Will he go to a meeting?

Communicate with him from a loving place. See if he will talk with you about it.

scorpiogirl

I totally understand you freaking out and wanting to know what you can do. I've been through that before. Unfortunately, there is nothing [I]you[I]can do. Step 1 - "We are powerless over alcohol"....(and it creates my life to be unmanageable). You did what you can do - which is to confront him. He knows you know. Is he going to meetings and calling sponsor? How much time did he have?

What is needed for you is to define (for you) your bottom line. Is it okay for him to use? If not, what are the consequences? (for me, I had my husband move out - hard thing to do!) Your bottom line might be different. He got sober again. No guarantees yet it is important for you to let go and also see what is acceptable in your life or not. There is no right or wrong answer here. The one that works for you.

Are you in recovery? Work your steps on this disease if you are and if you're not, get into Alanon.

Much caring on this end. Hugs

Troubledone

The hard part of loving someone who has an addiction is the roller coaster and constant vigilance.

I agree with scopiogirl - only you can say when enough is enough and what behavior you will or will not tolerate - and what consequences there will be.

In the time I've dealt with my niece's addiction, I've changed my boundaries a lot. I started being lenient and thinking I could love her into a healthy life. Now I see her as my drug of choice as long as she's using. Meaning, I'm powerless over her and I need to abstain from trying to fix her. (Addicts can be SO manipulative and deceptive!) And there is a lot of middle ground between those two extremes.

There's nothing like knowing yourself well enough to know what you will and won't tolerate. When I've taken the time to define my boundaries, I find that I'm solid in them and the answers about what to do become obvious. Alanon or Naranon family groups can help you do that. I also find groups help me sort out my emotions so that by the time I want to set a boundary, I can do it from a place of strength.

I find that when my addict throws me a curve ball, I've got such a kettle full of various emotions (disgust, sadness, anger, bewilderment, etc.) that I need to get myself centered and calmed down before I can figure out what is best to do. Posting here and finding support can really help a lot.

And I'm guessing that in your heart you know what's going on with him. I have often not listened to my inner voice because accepting the truth of my niece's addiction was too painful. So, do what feel right for now and even if you don't set a hard boundary, he will either get worse or better and you'll have more opportunities to think about what you want.

Praying that you find your boundaries and a way to defend them with love and strength.

williju

I just wanted to thank all that responded for their sound advice. This is all so confusing and it almost seems sureal. I can't believe this is happening to me.
I will seek help in groups in my area, and use this site as well.

greeteachday

I completely understand your feelings...I felt that way when i found out of my daughter's opiate addiction. I didn't even have a clue what an opiate addiction was. Fast education.

I found reading and posting here and going to face to face Alanon and Naranon meetings to be a huge help. I hope you will too