notsowell

it has been only 5 days since my discovery of my partner's addiction to cocaine. to say I am still in shock is an understatement. I suppose the way I found out didn't exactly make it easy... although I'm sure that there is never an easy way to find out. We almost killed ourselves as he was driving on the highway and his vision started to go. 8 hours later in an emergency room, urine tests ultimately provided the answer that I sought to my crazy relationship for more than five years.
gradually over the last few days he has begun to come tell both me and his parents about his addiction. Again I say I am in shock. I lived with him for five years, he used in the house. I would never never in a million years think he would do this. For the first three days I cried my self to sleep and awake. I'm now on an antidepressent... which has made me foggy enough not to feel everything. He is getting treatment through doctors and has committed to getting better.
we are scheduled to move into a new home in a month. Do I move in with him? do I leave? is it possible to work thorugh this, even though he is not the one who brought this to my attention seeking help, even though now he is convincing me he will be getting help and wants to be clean?
confused, hurt, angry, depressed, scared..

TTOSBT

Welcome notsowell. I am so sorry for you.
I am not sure I have any great advice except that you are allowed to need your own time and space to deal with this big of a betrayal. I can only say what i would do. I would not move in to a new place. I would move out and go stay with friends or family or someone for a bit while you decide what is best for you.
You are still in shock. You need time to sort all this out.
And you need to take care of you. I would not commit to anything with him for at least a year, and then only if he stay sober, but that is me.
Good luck!

atalose

I have to agree, if it were me I would not move in and I would need my space to figure out why I didn’t see it for 5 years.

I would put all the focus on me and how I was blinded by such an addiction for such a long period of time.

Let him work on him and him getting clean and you work on you.

I know many in your position who were blinded for so long there healthy future was in taking off those blinders to see the real light of day.


Keep posting.

greeteachday

I'm sorry you are going through this. I would tend to agree that this isn't a time to make a major commitment. it isn't necessarily the time to make an ultimate decision like stay or go either - you are still processing - this is all new and a shock to you. One of the first things I learned when I was in such a whirl because of learning about addiction, was sometimes the bes thting we can do is just stop, sit back and just breathe.
What I found worked best for me when I learned of addiction with a loved one, was to read all I could here and in recovery readings and to find some face to face Alanon or Naranon meetings. Just speaking with people who understood was a huge help in trying to get centered once again.