lovtolaff

So his mom calls me yesterday to tell me that he misses me and loves me. She asks me if he quits drinking if I'll take him back. I told her absolutely not b/c he has alot more problems than just the drinking. I asked her if he told her about the crack, the pills, the bar skanks - and she said uh no. I told her about some of the things that he has done and then asked her "would you want to live with him" and she said no. She said he is so unhappy and cries every time he sees you out somewhere. Well he made this choice - I gave him 2 years to "see the light" and he just couldn't do it. He's been drinking like a fish since he's been gone and he told her that that is the only way he can "forget" - well too bad - b/c I can't forget.

She said he is supposed to call me today but I've decided that I am not going to answer. What is the point? I mean don't get me wrong - there is SO much I could say to him - actually YELL at him but it won't do any good. Just more stuff to dwell on later.

I told her if he was serious about getting clean and sober he would have been working on it for the past month that he's been gone. He hasn't been. My guess is his money is running low, I know for a fact that the girl he was seeing is in jail, he's probably run everyone else off b/c he is very obnoxious and now it's time to come back home. NOT.

I love this man more than I've ever loved anyone but it's a lost cause. Even if he did decide to get clean - I can NOT deal with the thought of a relapse.

Sooo....send me all the good STRONG vibes yall can muster!! Thanks!

Barbara52

You are doing so well! Stay strong and don't allow yourself to forget what you know about him, about your relationship, about what life was like living with him. You can do this and will feel better for doing it.

I also would not take his call. I would also tell his mother not to bring him up either. It serves no purpose other than to bring unnecssary drama into your life as I see it. If he meant a single word of what he has said, he would be in a recovery program and sober. Action do indeed speak louder than words.

sadandhopeless

Good for you. You are doing the right thing for you. You are on your way to a happier life and you are so right that while he was gone he would have done something to help himself and he has not. Look at how strong you are getting! Look at how you are putting yourself first! Look at how you are no longer believing his lies! You are on your way. I wish you luck and hope to be where you are one day. It takes time.

hadenoughnow

Stay strong :ghug2

Reddmax

Yes... as my therapist told me yesterday. You have two choices, pain or pain. One is a real pain, as you've experienced it. The other is an imaginary pain, because you don't know exactly what will happen. This means that you have to accept your pain, and make it your ally, if not a friend. You've been out a while, and the pain is acceptable. Stay strong and make your new life the best it can be.

sodetermined

I admire your strength, keep doing what you're doing. You just sound like you have it all together. Good for you! You are in my prayers.

:ghug3

starflier

I will be thinking of you all day and sending you all the strength I can find to send you. It's so hard to stand strong in the face of so much manipulation and so many lies, even when we know what we should do. Hang in there! You're doing great!

OverItNow

Correct me if I'm wrong, but is he living with her? If so, perhaps she doesn't want to put up with it. When I told my MIL all that I've been going through with her son she expressed sympathy and then replied--better me than you. You're stronger and younger--I couldn't deal with that. Perhaps, if he is living with her, she is desperate to get him out of her house. The STRONGEST vibes coming your way...

lovtolaff

I don't feel like I have it all together...trust me. This break up has been the most devastating one I have ever been thru. I thought he was the "one". But now I see that he doesn't have what it takes to be the "one". Not for me anyways.

It would be easy for me to take him back. I love this man and he is beautiful to me. But he is not dependable or trustworthy and I don't want to spend the rest of my life "babysitting" an alcoholic/drug addict. I can't do it anymore.

This is the reason I can NOT answer if he calls. He is a master manipulator and knows exactly what to say to me to make me cave. He wears me down big time.

No he's not. She lives in Florida - we live in VA. Right now he is living at a hotel very close to my house and works very close to my house so it's a constant worry for me to try not to run into him. Anyways - she has told me before that she does NOT want him coming back to Florida. She knows how he is and doesn't want to be the one to deal with it - but apparently they think I should be the one.

Thanks to all of you for your thoughts and prayers. I need them (even if I do sound stronger than I actually am) I'm faking it till I make it.

TTOSBT

Keep it up lovtolaff!
You are doing great and doing exactly what you need to be doing!
If I were you I would start altering your schedule a little, to jump start your new free life. Go out to a movie on a weekday, go for a walk somewhere, call a fried and do dinner, etc. It is time for you to do what YOU want to do!

Wandererr

Lovetolaff, sending you stay strong vibes! It's amazing how we can steel ourselves but then spend some time with the manipulator and that goes out the window. I'm sure you feel like a fish out of water but you've taken the first and hardest step!! I admire you. You may not see how strong you are right now but as outsiders, I think the rest of us see it! Take good care of yourself Oooh and btw, I'm diggin' your TOOL lyrics - that particular part speaks volumes!

rivka

WHAT???? Is she his personal addiction manager? I think his Mom needs to come here to SR, and join our group.

You, my dear, are amazingly courageous and strong willed. Very inspiring. Please keep it up for the rest of us codies who need to see this example of strength in the face of extreme temptation.
Yes, love is tempting. Although xabf is a knucklehead, making unbelievably poor choices, a couple of months ago, you may have chosen to "ignore" all of the bad, and focus on his imaginary potential, assuming what you two could be like if you could just "fix him".

What a wonderful growth you have experienced. You may not see it, because you still swirl in the insecurity a bit, but from the outside it is truly inspiring, and a wonderful testament to how someone in your position can rebuild dignity, self-esteem and personal goals for growth.

Don't get depressed if a slight emotional setback occurs....I'm sure that's natural. Just keep taking steps to hone your focus, and keep posting.

hugs,
rivka

dolphingal1971

you can do this lovtolaff...do what your screen name says....Laugh it off because you deserve so much better! stay strong! come here and post in times of weakness! :codiepolice:ghug3

lovtolaff

You have no idea what this post means to me.

I don't feel strong really - I feel confused and my mind continuously runs about thinking - "what if". But I pretty much know that there isn't a chance at "what if" because I know for myself - I can NOT deal with what has happened already and what "might" happen in the future. I got so tired of getting my hopes up only to have them crushed. He has hurt me to my core and I will never forget that.

I gave him 2 years of my life - trying everything I could think of to show him how good of a relationship we "could" have. And you know what - that just ain't right. A relationship should be "good" from the start - not some kind of "if only" situation.

I would give anything to have a normal, loving, for life, relationship with this man - but that is not possible. He made that choice when he continued to lie to me, drink like there wasn't a tomorrow, and last but not least..betray me with another (though he still denies that last one). It's not something that I don't "want" it's something that I "can't" have. It's not healthy and I refuse to live in a situation that I DON'T have to.

Thank you all for your kind words.

Bernadette

BE STRONG!! BE STRONG!! BE STRONG!!

Sending you a shot of COURAGE!!

And :praying for your continued STRENGTH!!!
Peace,
B.

respektingme

Dang, you say you need more strength?? You sound like a rock to me!! You're doing great! STAY strong, you already got it.

theotherone

You found the strength in 2 years that I finally grasped after 20+. You are a very strong and insightful person. I'd like to think that if infidelity reared it's ugly head that it would be the clincher for me...I don't think it's possible at this point, as much as he would like to think it could be.