Oolong

and i'm getting bored. I'm bored, i'm tired, sometimes i feel like packing up and going home. I've been in here for almost two months. The treatment is supposed to last for three, and i'm not sure i'll be able to complete it. I've got the fall semester coming up in August and i wouldn't want to miss yet more school than i already have. And, i have to confess, i've grown tired of the rehab routine. I've grown tired of seeing the same people every day, doing the same things over and over again and doing them on a schedule. I've grown tired of isolation -it's only been a week since they let me use the internet- and the pressure of my rehab duties.
On the other hand, i don't want to quit. I don't want to quit because that's exactly what i always do: i never finish things. I don't want to quit because i feel i might not be ready to go out there yet. I fear i won't be able to keep up with my rehab duties out there in real life, i.e. i won't attend NA meetings and stuff. And i fear a relapse.

So i'd appreciate it if someone would just... talk to me.

Ananda

Hi,

Sorry you are struggling right now. Obvoiusly you want to change or you wouldn't be where you are. Perhaps the staff can help you locate the local AA/NA group near your hometown and get a phone number so you can call and make contact with the NA or AA people you will be attending meetings with when you leave. That might help you to feel a little safer when you do leave.

I was in treatment 30 days. I was terrified to leave, but my life has been great since I left (hard times, but more good). Been a year.

Post here when they will let you, this site will still be here when you leave your clinic.

deezaldog

You sound like you are already setting up your next relapse. I would urge you to stick it out. Your excuses are just excuses. It is a well known fact that the longer an addict stays in a recovery program the greater the chance of long term sobriety. If you are bored then read a book. Haveing 3mo recovery program time is a gift not a sentance. Most people are not given that much time for a recovery program without having to find a job. School requires a schedule, work and time. What is more important is recovery. Take advantage of this chance and learn as much as possible. Sound like school? Please stick it out and stay sober. If you do not go to mtgs after you get out your chance of relapse is high. How about an assignement? There are 12 steps to recovery and 12 steps to a relapse. What is the first step to a relapse?

1963comet

Welcome

Did you say that you do not want to attend meetings after you leave? You could try some reading in the Smart recovery web sight. This is a self help group that gives you plenty of ideas to stay sober.

Aysha

I agree with deezl..My insurance only allowed me 5 days treatment. I was devastated.
And most rehabs dont have internet.
I would consider myself lucky to be where you are now.
Most people dont even get the chance to get to rehab. Either by no insurance..noone cares or they die.
Be thankful for what you have instead of worrying about what you dont have.
School will still be there. And if you think your not ready to leave and you fear relapse. Then you may not make it to finish school anyway.
Not trying to sound mean. But I would have given anything to be sitting in a treatment center on the internet no less complaining about how bored I was.

LogCabin

Hi!

Keep hangin' in. This is so very important. Do all that you can to read, write, and find peace and acceptance of where you are.

I soooo understand. I have been in rehab, and can get boring and very repetitive. But just keep learning how to live a new life. It will help you stay on track when you get out...cuz I bet you are like me, and really want your freedom, and too never lose it again.

You are 2/3 of the way done. 1/3 to go. You can do it. And it will help you feel so good about yourself. School will always be there. This is the most important thing you are doing.

hugs to you. You are doing the right thing. Saving yourself from harm and destruction.

Oolong

The internet access is a sort of privilege. It's not supposed to happen here. I -and i alone- have been allowed a laptop and limited access to the web for schoolwork. You're right: i do have internet access, i do have a computer, i can't complain.
About the treatment: it's being paid for by the government. I went to an office and said i was poor and addicted, but had every intention of getting clean, so the government said, yes, we'll pay for your treatment. Which leads me to, yes, this IS a blessing, and yes, i should appreciate it.
The problem with me is i have this negativity-thing going on, so that sometimes i lose sight of nice things and i'm only able to see what's wrong with everything. So thanks for reminding me.
And, i'd like to think i'm not making up my mind to relapse. I think i'm just very scared, because the last time that happened, it was horrible. I wouldn't want to go through that again.
So yes, i agree that this is a blessing and i know that i am privileged, but surely you'll understand that processes like these can become tiresome. I mean, constantly questioning who you are, what you do, why you are the way you are and why you do the things you do, whether that's wrong or right and what you're going to do about it, that can wear you out, can't it?
But, don't get me wrong; even though i'm tired, i am thankful and i do realize that the alternative (i.e. life on drugs) is no longer an option for me.

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

Ananda

hi oolong...yep I can relate .... just because I'm lucky to have something doesn't mean I always "enjoy" or am "grateful" for it. I was only in one month, but I immagine that if I were in 3 months I would get resentful and bored at times.

Mostyly I just got tired of the drama and hard work all the time. It was worth it, but it doesn't always feel that way.

Thats why I post on the "whiners thread" just about every day...but I also post on the "gratitude thread" most days.

Glad you were able to come on and find us for a moment. Hope to see more of you!

serenityqueen

In Recovery, we have to be willing to go to any length in order to stay clean and sober.

I had been in so many treatment centers before I successfully began my new life 3 years ago. What was different in my short term recovery vs the past 3 years is that I had to work harder at my Recovery than anything I have ever done in my life.

When you get out of treatment and have to go back to work and the daily stresses of life, you'll wish you had time to be bored again. You can find many constructive things to do to prepare for when you leave. Work on your resume. Do you have a Sponsor? Have you gotten a meeting schedule?

Remember, Recovery isn't just abstaining from drugs and alcohol. It's a complete change in every aspect of your life. There are many things that take place in treatment besides just the groups and meetings. Don't question what the professionals are doing . . . we didn't know how to live our lives when we were using. The routine is teaching you how to live life on life's terms. . . drug and alcohol free.

Hang in there and count your Blessings. Many don't even make it into treatment and even more don't have the means to pay for treatment.

God Bless and we're always here for you. Patience my friend.

CarolD

...Welcome!

Glad you found us and more importantly
good to know you are planning to stay
where you need to be.

You are building a base for a healthy future
and that is the best thing for you just now.

Aysha

I had state coverage too. And they still threw me out. Not once but 3 times. No make that 4 with my last attempt to do some kind of treatment.
I got homesick too. More times than I can count. In just that little 5 days. But I knew it was better than being in the street dodging bullets and dealers I owed. Worrying about cops and if I would live through the next hit and even make it home.
And if your scared..And dont want to go through it again. Then thats all the more reason to stay.
And all that questioning yourself your talking about. Thats what the purpose of treatment is. How to learn how to live again without using. Repetitive..So it sinks in.
All I need to question myself about was. Do I want to live the rest of my life an addict that will soon end up dead or locked up. Or do I want to live a life free from this addiciton that runs every part of my life. And alot of times the lives of the ones who care about me.
I was you. Not too long ago.
And I know I came off harsh. But you know why? Because I was there plenty times. And everytime someone rubbed my belly and all that crap. And told me..Oh youll be ok...blah blah blah. It meant nothing. It took for me people to have the balls enough to tell me how it was. Whether I liked it or not to relize alot of things.
So your tired. How do you feel when your free to do whatever it is you want with no structure..noone there to teach you how to beat this ****?
I dont say these things because I am trying to be mean or make you feel bad. I been there. I know exactly what your saying. Your not saying anything I havent already said myself. And your first post was me. And everytime I screwed up. Because I never followed through. Because I was tired of it. I was bored. I didnt need to be there anymore. Whatever excuse there was. I had it.
I have been through hell more times than I care to remember and I just hate to see someone with an opportunity like you have blow it. Learn as much as you can. Remember everything you hear that may help you later on when you are out of there. This is your time to be soaking up everything you possibly can so you dont have to be scared anymore.
You never have to go through this again. But thats all in your hands and how you decide to use this time.
You get what you put in. I hope you do stay. And I hope you never do have to go through another horrible experience.
I hope to see more of you. Telling us how you stayed and that your doing great in your recovery.
Even if you want to let it out somemore. Just keep coming back.

WishIWasNormal

I see you joined the forum in Feb. 2006. What have you been doing between then and now?

tommyk

When I was in rehab, my disease tried to use everything it could find to distract me from why I was truly there - to squelch the disease.

Priorities, focus.

Oolong

For the first couple of months, i was just reading threads, trying to make up my mind to post something (i am from Mexico and have trouble expressing myself in English). Then i was doing drugs.


Thanks for feeding my back, everybody!

Anna

I'm so glad you decided to post Oolong and your English is perfect.

Keep reading and posting and take care of yourself.