darkplace

I am new to this: my 17 yr old son has been "partying" since the beginning of last summer (07). I (a single mom) found out about it when I suspected something was up b/c of his behavior changes & tested him with a home test from Walgreens. Pot came up positive. Then after I had my son talk to my cousin (a recovering addict & sponsor in the AA & CA programs) he confessed to me to abusing alcohol & other things like "skittles" (taking lots of Coricidin brand anthihistamine)! I had already taken him to his dr to test for diabetes b/c of the similar symptoms! (hunger, sleeping, fatigue, thirst) After finding out about his partying I started taking him to a psychiatrist who helped him w/ his anger & to church more often. He became close to my cousin & he really helped my son. But then during spring break in March Zac's behavior got worse in that he became cold (we have always been really close) so I suspected abuse again. I searched his room & found hard liquor hidden. I forget how, but my son also confessed to now using cocaine! My son started attending a local Pass It On club (AA) & really liked it & made new friends & a sponsor. He has been saying he's 3 mths clean, but I don't believe it b/c he's had some more, although less frequent, bizarre behavior. Including not going to AA anymore! And smoking cigarettes & saying that b/c he doesn't abuse anymore he HAS to do SOMETHING to replace drugs & alcohol, etc. (I know that's a load of bull.) He also had a huge rage fit when I told his girlfriend I found the cigarettes (I figured my son only cares about what she thinks & feels now so that was my way of getting thru to him!) My son punched holes in closet doors at home before...before I knew the extent of his abuse. This rage fit he punched another hole & threatened to do cocaine & threw furniture around. I took my 9 yr old son & went to the police station. I was very close to calling 911 & will next time. It was good I went to the station b/c I consulted w/ an officer & got a lot of good info & found out what they & I can & can't do legally. This was 2 wks ago. Today I found out he is indeed still abusing pot. I took him to a lab for a drug abuse screen as well.

So now I finally just went into the darkest place I've ever been & don't know where that will lead me & when or how to get out of it. A month ago I finished a really good book called Beautiful Boy by David Sheff & also read his son's book Tweak. Beautiful Boy really helped me. I need to talk to parents of addicts too. Forums are the best b/c of my many work hours, etc. I did go to 1 local Al Anon, but that one isn't for me. I just can't commit to any meetings right now b/c of my crazy schedule. I do want to take my son to AA again & that WILL happen. I say this is the darkest place b/c I have been thru much in my life: 2 abusive marriages & financial failure. I have a loving boyfriend but he can't really relate b/c he's not a father & never wanted to be. He gets along really great w/ my boys but generally he doesn't really like kids! This is the only reason we haven't gotten married yet. I don't want to start a marriage w/ an abusing son no one can trust. My boyfriend won't in fact have him live in his house, I don't blame him: I don't want him in my house most of the time! I can't wait til he turns 18 & I can legally kick him out. I still love him of course & we still have great fun moments, but holy cow is our relationship tainted to say the least! & I do resent him in that my boyfriend & I can't marry yet & who knows when. But my biggest "problems" are feeling so betrayed by him & guilt. This is a million times worse than my divorces! My health is getting worse again (I say again b/c it's not good to begin w/). I'm getting palpitations again & more fatigued & very depressed at times & trouble sleeping... Things always hit me later: I automatically go in survival mode when crisis strikes. It's good in a way but not, b/c I store it inside & then find it hard to actually deal w/ it so it festers & eats at my body! (Quite literally!)

I think that's enough for now! I would appreciate any comments, suggestions, thoughts, feelings, prayers, advice, etc. Thanks so much & God bless this forum!

Latte

Welcome to SR!

Have you tried Al-Anon? I know that even as an addict/alcoholic myself, dealing with my fathers alcoholism and my DH's control issues Al-Anon has helped me in a way that no one person could.

Anna

Hi,

I am sorry for the problems that your son is having and I hope that he chooses to live a sober life. It's not something that you can push on him, but hopefully he will make the choice himself.

Hopefully you will seek help for yourself at AlAnon. There are also two forums on this message board for Friends and Families, where you will find lots of support.

least

You are going thru a lot of stress right now. Whatever happens you must take care of yourself. If that means he has to move out, then do it. I hope he can get his life sorted out. But do whatever it takes to take care of YOU.

I hope you find some peace very soon. :praying

:ghug3

Jersey Nonny

Being the Mom of three addicts, I can certainly empathize. Two of my adult children are in recovery through NA...the other is still "doing his thing."

Since your son's addictions seem more drug-related than alcohol, I would suggest you check out the local Narcotics Anonymous meetings. But, be prepared...although the members tend to be younger than AA, they can seem to be pretty "hard core". Maybe that's what your son needs...people closer to his own age who won't put up with any b.s.
You might look into Nar-Anon meetings for friends and family of addicts. Good luck to both of you, whatever path you take.

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, darkplace. there's a friend and family section here that would be helpful for you to check out.

i have a 24 year old daughter with addiction issues. alanon really helps me.

hugs, k

1963comet

Welcome

I like Latte have lived on both sides of the fence. I pray for your son but hope you take care of yourself. Friends and Family can help you with that. I find it helpful reading in different forms. You get an understanding of both sides.

BlindedWitch

I know it sounds harsh, but I am not trying to sound that way, but church isn't always the right answer. The cigarettes do help with replacing some of the addictions like pot becuase they tend to smoke both. You are being a great mom wanting to help and I understand the stress, but many times we try to help fix our family and friends but to no avail we loose the fight. They must hit their rock bottom first before they realize they need help and that what they are doing is getting them no where in life but in a deep hole that they are digging themselves. Just go to some meetings and see what other parents do for their children. You might find some help there.