Mikalyn
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: outer limits, IL
Posts: 4
Mikalyn
Good going on trying to get off the pain pills. I wasn't one to taper either.
My method of quitting;
1) Prayed for willingness.
2) Stuff hit the fan and suddenly I found willingness.
Carefull what you pray for
3) I went cold turkey and it was rough for awhile BUT!!!
you know how people say this too shall pass. Well it did.
4) Meetings kept me focused and remembering the pain narcotics caused me made it unacceptable as a pain relief option.
I don't want to say it was easy but once you stop justifying using other doors open up.
No thinking about well maybe if... or this or that.
If a thought about drugs lasts more than a second I pray for it to go and it does.
I will say it took about 30 days for it's grip to let go.
I wasn't obsessing about but my body would have cravings out of nowhere.
They pass and after awhile the light goes on.
I tried for years half assed attempts that got me nowhere.
It's all or nothing now.
Good luck
cluck
My method of quitting;
1) Prayed for willingness.
2) Stuff hit the fan and suddenly I found willingness.
Carefull what you pray for
3) I went cold turkey and it was rough for awhile BUT!!!
you know how people say this too shall pass. Well it did.
4) Meetings kept me focused and remembering the pain narcotics caused me made it unacceptable as a pain relief option.
I don't want to say it was easy but once you stop justifying using other doors open up.
No thinking about well maybe if... or this or that.
If a thought about drugs lasts more than a second I pray for it to go and it does.
I will say it took about 30 days for it's grip to let go.
I wasn't obsessing about but my body would have cravings out of nowhere.
They pass and after awhile the light goes on.
I tried for years half assed attempts that got me nowhere.
It's all or nothing now.
Good luck
cluck
Last edited by chicken little; 07-10-2003 at 11:50 AM.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 10
I think that is so awesome. You sound just like me! If it wasn't for all these damn online doctors I would be doing alot better. I'm going to give it my best shot. I just can't imagine going cold turkey. I would have to take weeks off of work and I just can't do that. I do find myself thinking about quitting everyday now, as before it never even crossed my mind.
I am getting desperate. It is to the point where I see it ruining my life. First thing is my finances. I'm spending way too much money on these things. And I know it isn't going to get any better. Thanks for your input. I am going to do the best I can.
I really do need to go to meetings. That did help alot before. I know I can't do it by myself. I have been telling myself that I can, but I'm proving to be wrong every time!
Your a good inspiration for me. I love to hear that someone was as bad as me and overcame their addiction.
Thanks and keep in touch.. please!
Hugs.. Mikalyn
I am getting desperate. It is to the point where I see it ruining my life. First thing is my finances. I'm spending way too much money on these things. And I know it isn't going to get any better. Thanks for your input. I am going to do the best I can.
I really do need to go to meetings. That did help alot before. I know I can't do it by myself. I have been telling myself that I can, but I'm proving to be wrong every time!
Your a good inspiration for me. I love to hear that someone was as bad as me and overcame their addiction.
Thanks and keep in touch.. please!
Hugs.. Mikalyn
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Springfield, MO
Posts: 12
Just some food (juice) for thought
Hey y'all,
I KNOW what I'm about to say is goona be like throwing a hornets nest in SOMEONES underwear, But I am a Methadone patient/ advocate and have been for almost a decade. Why so long you ask? Because, in the words of Nil Young,"I was lying in a burned out basement with the full moon in my eye". It took me all that time to get stabilized (I would typically ,GOD's truth, take about 30 to 40 vicodin ES's a day, 15 or 20 mg.'s of Xanax, Had a Pharm connect for 90 mg. morhine tablets which i shot in my foot for economic reasons, and drank about a half pint of Wild Turkey 101 just to level things off.Then went to work in a field were NOONE had the tiniest clue I was Jacked to the Aces. The saddest part was I COULDN"T EVEN FEEL THE CRAP. EVEN BEFORE METHADONE!
I had been abusing so long on a daily basis (Also writing my own scripts from a DR. friend).that my life was marked for DOA. Why all this ABUSE? BECAUSE of ABUSE. Sexually abused since my earliest childhood memory, sodomy. Psychologically abused for my entire life, but as soon as I found out I could numb myself with a little weed and alcohol at the age of 11, I was a garbage head. ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I poured down my gullet in rock star quantities.
Methadone saved my life. I emphatically state it is NOT FOR EVERYONE, but worked for me. In those following years I kicked all the alcohol and pills by reduction, Xanax was a real MUTHA-JUMPER. To this day I have a good therapist who helps me immensely, and I love that he is Eastern because his sublimity and the inner peace he invokes during sessions is palpable.
I finished my degree, earned another degree, remarried, have children, an excellent salary, the status symbols of a yuppie (GOD I NEVER wanna hear anyone else refer to me as that as I literally grew up and ran away to a large notorious midwestern ghetto. Always in the top 5 for annual homocides.
I , and all you people who have been sexually abused must understand we are not the BEARERS OF THAT SHAME, we were children caught up by some sick mutha_jumpers who will have a place awaiting them in the seven spheres of Hell. I contemplated taking the life of my abuser but figured it would by assosiation ruin all I had worked for too. I was a pagan at the Minerval Degree, but for the past 7 years have returned to the Most High; the one before whom all deities must bend or flee...His name is Jesus Christ. He has poured so many blessings on my wrtched soul that I still cry out of thanks
Anyway back to my thread ...all I ask is that just as the Koran, Cabballa, Torah, The book of Wisdom or Folly, Gnostic Gospels, and yes, even the Bible..."There are many rooms in my Father's House and many ways to get there" Just like sobriety.
Let's come together Not apart. Methadone has been a controversial drug since it's NAZI inception. Thank God for people like Dole and Niesweinder for understanding that the modality of drug treatment is secondary to the inner core of anguished cociousness that leads us to drugs as an escape in the first place.
I don't want to go on too long, and I really LOVE this technology that allows us to deliberate over drug issues. We are all fighting for our lives, let's not forget that and show each other support, empathy love, and in some cases the right to agree to disagree.
Peace, my Brother and Sister,
KasMethadone has saved my life
I KNOW what I'm about to say is goona be like throwing a hornets nest in SOMEONES underwear, But I am a Methadone patient/ advocate and have been for almost a decade. Why so long you ask? Because, in the words of Nil Young,"I was lying in a burned out basement with the full moon in my eye". It took me all that time to get stabilized (I would typically ,GOD's truth, take about 30 to 40 vicodin ES's a day, 15 or 20 mg.'s of Xanax, Had a Pharm connect for 90 mg. morhine tablets which i shot in my foot for economic reasons, and drank about a half pint of Wild Turkey 101 just to level things off.Then went to work in a field were NOONE had the tiniest clue I was Jacked to the Aces. The saddest part was I COULDN"T EVEN FEEL THE CRAP. EVEN BEFORE METHADONE!
I had been abusing so long on a daily basis (Also writing my own scripts from a DR. friend).that my life was marked for DOA. Why all this ABUSE? BECAUSE of ABUSE. Sexually abused since my earliest childhood memory, sodomy. Psychologically abused for my entire life, but as soon as I found out I could numb myself with a little weed and alcohol at the age of 11, I was a garbage head. ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I poured down my gullet in rock star quantities.
Methadone saved my life. I emphatically state it is NOT FOR EVERYONE, but worked for me. In those following years I kicked all the alcohol and pills by reduction, Xanax was a real MUTHA-JUMPER. To this day I have a good therapist who helps me immensely, and I love that he is Eastern because his sublimity and the inner peace he invokes during sessions is palpable.
I finished my degree, earned another degree, remarried, have children, an excellent salary, the status symbols of a yuppie (GOD I NEVER wanna hear anyone else refer to me as that as I literally grew up and ran away to a large notorious midwestern ghetto. Always in the top 5 for annual homocides.
I , and all you people who have been sexually abused must understand we are not the BEARERS OF THAT SHAME, we were children caught up by some sick mutha_jumpers who will have a place awaiting them in the seven spheres of Hell. I contemplated taking the life of my abuser but figured it would by assosiation ruin all I had worked for too. I was a pagan at the Minerval Degree, but for the past 7 years have returned to the Most High; the one before whom all deities must bend or flee...His name is Jesus Christ. He has poured so many blessings on my wrtched soul that I still cry out of thanks
Anyway back to my thread ...all I ask is that just as the Koran, Cabballa, Torah, The book of Wisdom or Folly, Gnostic Gospels, and yes, even the Bible..."There are many rooms in my Father's House and many ways to get there" Just like sobriety.
Let's come together Not apart. Methadone has been a controversial drug since it's NAZI inception. Thank God for people like Dole and Niesweinder for understanding that the modality of drug treatment is secondary to the inner core of anguished cociousness that leads us to drugs as an escape in the first place.
I don't want to go on too long, and I really LOVE this technology that allows us to deliberate over drug issues. We are all fighting for our lives, let's not forget that and show each other support, empathy love, and in some cases the right to agree to disagree.
Peace, my Brother and Sister,
KasMethadone has saved my life
~Author of My Life~
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't....
Posts: 4,796
Hey Mikalyn, How are ya doing girl? You can do this sweetie. Just take it one day at a time, keep reaching out for help, and decide that you are willing to do ANYTHING to get better.There IS hope for you!! three years ago I was pretty much told I would be one of two things...dead any day or locked up in an institution sitting in the corner not knowing my name. I used prescription drugs for twenty years and other drugs too but the pills were my favorite. I thought I was invincible, clever and so damn efficient on those pills. I thought I had found utopia in a bottle but it was really hell all along. Those drugs will lie to you and convince it is better to be dead than stop using them. I know how horrible the detox is. Oh man!! It is insane, but ypou can go through it once and not have to do it again! If you can and when you're ready go to a doctor and tell him everything. There is help! I was not very smart to do it at home with kids and no one here to help me. My dad keeps wanting to bring me some. I have relapsed a couple times, but not like I used too, and I did use for legit pain. But the fact remains I can endure a lot of pain without narcotics I have to keep telling mysel that narcs aren';t the only pain reliever out there. i am the type that finds it totally absurd and insulting to use plain old tylenol or aspirin. It pisses me off! But it is getting better although it is really really hard still. Just hang in there, okay?
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 10
Hi Tammie!!
I'm still trying. I've had a few good days! I'm just cutting down. I am way to scared to quit completely. I want to be smart about it. How are you doing?? I know what you mean by trying to quit on your own. There is no way I can do it on my own. I know I'm going to need help when I finally get completely off of these things. And when I do and I can function fully without them I will stay with NA or counseling to make sure I don't relapse.
Why does your dad want to bring you some? Does he know your situation with them? Well I hope you hang in there and keep doing what your doing. After being on them for 20 years, it has to be extremely difficult to stay clean. I'm praying for you to stay that way and I'm very proud of you. Your my inspiration!
I started getting addicted to them for legit pain too. I have endometriosis and I was put on pain pills (after two surgeries also). I loved them after taking my first one! I was pretty much hooked instantly. How sad huh? It did help with the physical pain, but helped with the mental pain too. Whenever I was depressed or totally stressed out I would take a pill and NOTHING bothered me. It was wonderful. Now I feel like I don't even get high anymore. I have to take them just to keep from getting sick and going through withdrawals. I'm still trying as hard as possible. Maybe there's hope for me yet.. Take care hon and I will type at ya later!!
Hugs!!! MK
I'm still trying. I've had a few good days! I'm just cutting down. I am way to scared to quit completely. I want to be smart about it. How are you doing?? I know what you mean by trying to quit on your own. There is no way I can do it on my own. I know I'm going to need help when I finally get completely off of these things. And when I do and I can function fully without them I will stay with NA or counseling to make sure I don't relapse.
Why does your dad want to bring you some? Does he know your situation with them? Well I hope you hang in there and keep doing what your doing. After being on them for 20 years, it has to be extremely difficult to stay clean. I'm praying for you to stay that way and I'm very proud of you. Your my inspiration!
I started getting addicted to them for legit pain too. I have endometriosis and I was put on pain pills (after two surgeries also). I loved them after taking my first one! I was pretty much hooked instantly. How sad huh? It did help with the physical pain, but helped with the mental pain too. Whenever I was depressed or totally stressed out I would take a pill and NOTHING bothered me. It was wonderful. Now I feel like I don't even get high anymore. I have to take them just to keep from getting sick and going through withdrawals. I'm still trying as hard as possible. Maybe there's hope for me yet.. Take care hon and I will type at ya later!!
Hugs!!!
MK
~Author of My Life~
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't....
Posts: 4,796
**{MIKALYN}}-Hang in there, keep posting and take it one day at atime..You can do this you know!! Keep reaching out for help, go to NA, talk to people who will understand and not judge you and decide you are worth being sober and free..I'm pulling for ya!!
Keep reaching out for help, go to NA, talk to people who will understand and not judge you and decide you are worth being sober and free..I'm pulling for ya!! Paused
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: outer limits, IL
Posts: 4
Hello fellow substance abusers,
All I can say is keep trying. I went to the NA meetings for a long time before I finally quit. They told me to keep coming back so I did.
Tammie I know how it is when you have pain issues. I had a very painfull bottom and now even when my back has me on the floor the thought of the narcotics is even more painfull. It helps that I can remember.
I thought tylenol was absurd too but found on occassion it helps just a little bit and sometimes that is all I need to turn the tides.
Also;
I've found since my pain is no longer a reason to use that it doesn't take up as much space in my head. The obsessions geeze insanity at its' best. I remember trying not to use and just taking the pain. I swear there was a conspiracy to torture my body untill there was no other choice but to use.
Somehow it was lifted and each bad day I live through makes the next one that much easier.
take care
CL
All I can say is keep trying. I went to the NA meetings for a long time before I finally quit. They told me to keep coming back so I did.
Tammie I know how it is when you have pain issues. I had a very painfull bottom and now even when my back has me on the floor the thought of the narcotics is even more painfull. It helps that I can remember.
I thought tylenol was absurd too but found on occassion it helps just a little bit and sometimes that is all I need to turn the tides.
Also;
I've found since my pain is no longer a reason to use that it doesn't take up as much space in my head. The obsessions geeze insanity at its' best. I remember trying not to use and just taking the pain. I swear there was a conspiracy to torture my body untill there was no other choice but to use.
Somehow it was lifted and each bad day I live through makes the next one that much easier.
take care
CL
~Author of My Life~
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't....
Posts: 4,796
Trish-Been thinking about you too girl! I'm doing alright.
CL-Thank you so much for sharing your experience with the pain pills. Ya know it's funny..a few weeks ago I took 3Tylenols and it actually helped a headache I had..I almost fell over, it had been a sacrilege to take plain old OTC meds!!:p Gotta rewire this brain of mine! I am so proud of what you've accomplished!!! It really does give me hope! I have had some codeine the past week or two, just a few and they're not my DOC(vicodin and fentanyl patches were great) but I don't want any of them anymore. It messes up my thinking and the battle just gets harder, so I am working harder to not use ANY narcotic. The other night in the ER everyone around me was getting a shot of Dilaudid..I never broke and asked the doctor for a narcotic shot, but I was sweating a little!!
CL-Thank you so much for sharing your experience with the pain pills. Ya know it's funny..a few weeks ago I took 3Tylenols and it actually helped a headache I had..I almost fell over, it had been a sacrilege to take plain old OTC meds!!:p Gotta rewire this brain of mine! I am so proud of what you've accomplished!!!
It really does give me hope! I have had some codeine the past week or two, just a few and they're not my DOC(vicodin and fentanyl patches were great) but I don't want any of them anymore. It messes up my thinking and the battle just gets harder, so I am working harder to not use ANY narcotic. The other night in the ER everyone around me was getting a shot of Dilaudid..I never broke and asked the doctor for a narcotic shot, but I was sweating a little!!
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 10
Tammie..
Why were you in the ER? I didn't read anything on what happened. I hope your doing okay. And I know what you mean about OTC medicine. I still take ibuprofen for headaches and it works great. Narcotics do not help my headaches as much. I need an anti-inflammatory for them. But, of course nothing stops me from taking my happy pills. I have been doing better. But still definitely not where I want to be. I just pray to God to help me take one pill less everyday till I can quit and not have major withdrawals as if I was to quit cold turkey.
I'm praying for you too. I am so proud that your doing well. I am always hear for you like I know you are always there for me. And I appreciate your caring ways very much! Your an awesome lady.
Take Care!!
Hugs...MK
Why were you in the ER? I didn't read anything on what happened. I hope your doing okay. And I know what you mean about OTC medicine. I still take ibuprofen for headaches and it works great. Narcotics do not help my headaches as much. I need an anti-inflammatory for them. But, of course nothing stops me from taking my happy pills. I have been doing better. But still definitely not where I want to be. I just pray to God to help me take one pill less everyday till I can quit and not have major withdrawals as if I was to quit cold turkey.
I'm praying for you too. I am so proud that your doing well. I am always hear for you like I know you are always there for me. And I appreciate your caring ways very much! Your an awesome lady.
Take Care!!
Hugs...MK
~Author of My Life~
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't....
Posts: 4,796
So good to hear from you MK!!! I have been real sick with a chest infection, just doesn't want to go away. I am slowly getting well though! Today I am feeling hopeful and clinging to the hope that I will make it through this, and you will too sweetie! I just know it. The time will come when taking those pills is worse than any hellish withdrawals, because the withdrawals only have to be one time-the using hell can be the rest of your life. I'm praying for you and have you in my thoughts!!
I have been real sick with a chest infection, just doesn't want to go away. I am slowly getting well though! Today I am feeling hopeful and clinging to the hope that I will make it through this, and you will too sweetie! I just know it. The time will come when taking those pills is worse than any hellish withdrawals, because the withdrawals only have to be one time-the using hell can be the rest of your life. I'm praying for you and have you in my thoughts!!
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