lovtolaff

I'm just numb. I got a call last night that confirmed what I pretty much already knew. He has shacked up in his hotel with the latest barfly. That didn't take long huh? Less than 2 weeks and I've been replaced after 2 years of torturous hell?

I hope she is as much of a drunk as he is - let him live with someone like himself for awhile. Why does he get to do this with no sadness, no heartbreak, no gut wrenching feelings keeping you from eating or sleeping?

I wish I would have never met him.

I know I've done the right thing. I just know it.

AskingWhy

I understand your feelings. Find as much info as you can on the stages of recovery after the end of a relationship. My anger/denial stage lasted about three months. Now it's turned to extreme sadness/depression.

dunerkat

i know the feeling of how can he run off with some skank when i'm the one who has put up with this crap for years? i have been down the road with skanks, he actually seemed proud of these so-called women! guess it's part of the whole process of addiction.

it's maddening and at times drives me crazy.

lovtolaff

Maddening is an understatement huh? There is no rhyme or reason to it. And when I try to think what is in his head I can't even imagine. From what I understand from him, his friends and even his mother - I was the most classiest girlfriend he had EVER had. Now he just runs back to a skank? I guess that is all that can handle his lifestyle.

I even asked him once - have you ever dated women that didn't drink/drug and he said yeah but it never lasted b/c no woman worth her salt would put up with it. DUH. Ya think?

I have really GOT to let go of this. How do you black out 2 years spent with someone???? Anyone?

dunerkat

I'm laughing right now because mine said the same thing when I've asked why he liked the nasty, skanky women. He said because they will put up with him. How bizarre!!!! I think it's because he will buy them drinks/drugs and I refuse to drink with him. His family also can't understand why he had a penchant for those women, because they tell me I'm the best he's ever had too.

Barbara52

You don't. But you accept that you made a mistake, forgive yourself and begin finding yourself again.

Mair

Grieve lick your wounds and learn from this horrible experience leave it in the past. Dont waste another 2 years wondering what happened and why.

It does get easier i promise you. I would recommend no contact it worked for me. Mair

Chrysalis123

Great question. In my opinion you don't black out those two years. You can't black them out because they are what they are. But, you could view them as a precious gift...an education....of what you never want to happen again and a chance to look deep into yourself and heal the parts of you that allowed this guy within 10 feet of you.


I'm sorry you are hurting right now. It's horrible. Get those feelings out and then do something loving and gentle for you today.
:ghug3

Bernadette

(((hugs))) lovtolaff--

Why does he get to do this with no sadness, no heartbreak, no gut wrenching feelings keeping you from eating or sleeping?

Sweetie don't torture yourself trying to figure out why he does what he does. Maybe just take this as further evidence that you have absolutely done the right thing for yourself!! Allow yourself to feel all the feelings that you need to process- you have a sober, sane, strong brain - capable of handling these strong emotions, not drowning them with alcohol. It is hard, and painful to feel these feelings, but it is a sign of your mental health

Take it easy on yourself, and remember, it isn't your fault!
Peace,
B.

i4getsm

Why would anyone choose a drink over someone who loves them? It boogles my mind too, but I've found it's not worth trying to figure it out. I am in the same boat as you. The only girl that STBXAH ever introduced to his family. I'm the great daughter in law to his family and even his friends all know and like me...and have dropped contact with STBXAH.

I've been doing my best to just let it go. I cannot change him. He will do what he will do. I cannot figure it out. I'm not him, ya know? I choose to see it as a blessing in disguise. I'm learning more about myself and God than I ever thought possible. Does it tick me off that I'm having to learn this now? Sure. But it's better late than never.

It's not about me and it's not about you. Our A's are chasing whatever feels good at the time. It has no rhyme or reason. (((HUGS)))

Pick-a-name

I saw my exAH (of nearly 30yrs) with a woman the other night at a post-golf-tournament dinner. My son and I walked by and glanced over....I hope my mouth was not standing wide open,at least for long! Since he moved out, he has evidently gone out (or whatever a 53y does) with several other women he works with. I have noticed that each one seems to be another step done from the one before her.

It's quite unsettling.

I had to laugh at what our 26yr son said to him later that night (about bringing her to a place we go,etc) He said: "Dad,if you want to make a fool of yourself,go ahead. I just do not want to have to see it."

It helps me a lot to read that these kinds of things are so typical with the progression of the disease. Yesterday I had forgotten, and was wondering how he could have walked out on me and our kids after 30yrs to "Date and have fun". Today,I remember. Thanks for the post.

freya

Well, if you're lucky, you don't black it out -- you learn from it and remember it so that you never have to go through it again.

As for letting go of it, you said in your first post that it was "torturous hell." Well, that doesn't sound so hard to let go of. In AA they tell people to "play that drink all the way out to the end" before taking the first sip. That means, instead of just remembering how good the drink feels, you remember every gorey, humiliating detail of where you end up after taking it. I suggest you do the same thing -- everytime you're tempted to remember the good times, make youself "relive" the "torturous hell" to which they lead you. Then practice being grateful that now it's the skank, not you, who's going through that hell. I find that an attitude of gratitude is always very conducive to letting go.

freya