LovesmyHubby

That is def. a interesting way of putting it. But it sounds right. So many promises of stopping and getting help... now makes sense it was all to shut me up keep me here and off his back. sigh, i wish i knew what he was thinking. Maybe he will really call to get the help tomorrow or maybe thats just another empty promise to keep me around? He said the only reason he wants to get help is because he does not want to lose me. But just before that he said he wants to be able to drink when he wants with no hassle and that hes not ready to quit. can alcoholics really admit to having a problem and not want to fix it? He has so many emotional problems from his childhood. I personally think he needs more help than just for the alcohol problem. IDK i wish i knew what i could do, but like i said ive just learned that there is nothing i can do and that hurts. I often would tell myself that he loves me enough to quit for me but i was wrong which for a min made me think that i wasnt worth it to him. But im not sure that thats it. Sorry for rambling its just making me nervous. im sure i will wake up tomorrow and ask him when hes calling and he wont do it and then i will be playing the im leaving game in hopes that he does something and he wont and i ll still end up staying. ugh . Again sorry for rambling lol...


:praying:chatter

peaceteach

I don't think you are rambling at all, LMH! You are opening up your mind to knowledge about addiction, and saddened by its truth. Have you read the 12 steps yet? The first one is to admit that YOU are powerless over anything that happens to or by your husband. That is very hard to do, to change your way of thinking in that his quitting has anything to do with you. When we, as codependents of alcoholics, find out this truth it is very sad indeed. But it is a powerful truth to hold on to, I believe. After the initial sadness in accepting this truth, I found myself feeling a release from the anxiety that I should be doing something to help him. Here are the first three steps in a really short version (someone here posted these and I copied them):

1. Admission of powerlessness. / Honesty

2. Reliance on a Higher Power. / Hope

3. Total surrender to God. / Faith


As a codependent, we forget the first step A LOT in the beginning! We get all anxious and again try to do a bunch of things to "help" or "rescue" our A's. But in time and using these as your morning mantra, we start each day much like a recovering alcoholic, with admitting to ourselves we have no control in another person's actions or choices, and to turn their lives over to them and to their Higher Power (mine is God). Then we are free to do what we can do and what does have excellent results-we can work on ourselves and find our own serenity in managing our own lives. This allows YOU to create the kind of life YOU want, and gives your adult husband the opportunity to do the same.

I loved this book: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. It was life-changing to me, and it was ALL ABOUT ME. Keep reading, sister, you are doing great and you don't even know it yet

Barbara52

There is admitting to alcoholism and there is really admitting to alcoholism.

This may be another version of saying what you want to hear from him to get you to be quiet about it.

Unless he truly admits to his alcoholism and embraces recovery, it is pretty meaningless I think. I mean, I admit to being adicted to cigarettes. But I am not ready to give up that adiction so what difference does it make that I admit to it? It will only be when I quit that my statement gains meaning since actions speak louder than words.