Change in Pace?
Sewer Dweller
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Chi-Town
Posts: 34
Change in Pace?
...or a whole new face?
I am here today because yesterday morning I told myself I wasn't going to drink, last night I drank. My routine is that I drink every other day. I used to drink up to a 12 pack but now I rarely drink more than 7. Drinking used to affect my work, but now I have figured out how to drink and still be able to get up at 5 am for work. The problem is I have a hard time stopping once I start. Last night I went back for more but decided to put it in the fridge instead of drinking it. Im glad I did because I feel like crud as it is today.
Quick Run Down: I am 24, and I sometimes hate my life. I think I drink out of boredom more than anything, but I have been battling depression for a while. I think drinking cancels out that treatment. I am pretty successful, I am the youngest Middle Management person in my corporation. I have a wonderful girlfriend who I wish would nag me more often. I don't have many friends, most live in the burbs and I rarely see them, and they came with the girlfriend not actually mine. My job requires me to drink sometimes but I think I can avoid that but salescalls will be a little more difficult.
I don't know if I want to quit entirely but we are having a baby and I don't want to become an alcoholic father, but I may already be an alcoholic.
I have said many times to myself that I drink too often. I get an itch for a drink because after work Ive got nothing. All of my hobbies I have given up on because they either cost too much or are lame attempts at becoming a star. Im thinking about finding a sculpting class, I really enjoyed that in High School.
I wrote a really long post that got a deleted by accident, it was really in depth but probably too long. I don't know what I want out of this post or site, I just know I don't want to continue like this any more. I have to step up.
Please no jesus-speak, I have nothing against your beliefs, they just aren't for me.
I am here today because yesterday morning I told myself I wasn't going to drink, last night I drank. My routine is that I drink every other day. I used to drink up to a 12 pack but now I rarely drink more than 7. Drinking used to affect my work, but now I have figured out how to drink and still be able to get up at 5 am for work. The problem is I have a hard time stopping once I start. Last night I went back for more but decided to put it in the fridge instead of drinking it. Im glad I did because I feel like crud as it is today.
Quick Run Down: I am 24, and I sometimes hate my life. I think I drink out of boredom more than anything, but I have been battling depression for a while. I think drinking cancels out that treatment. I am pretty successful, I am the youngest Middle Management person in my corporation. I have a wonderful girlfriend who I wish would nag me more often. I don't have many friends, most live in the burbs and I rarely see them, and they came with the girlfriend not actually mine. My job requires me to drink sometimes but I think I can avoid that but salescalls will be a little more difficult.
I don't know if I want to quit entirely but we are having a baby and I don't want to become an alcoholic father, but I may already be an alcoholic.
I have said many times to myself that I drink too often. I get an itch for a drink because after work Ive got nothing. All of my hobbies I have given up on because they either cost too much or are lame attempts at becoming a star. Im thinking about finding a sculpting class, I really enjoyed that in High School.
I wrote a really long post that got a deleted by accident, it was really in depth but probably too long. I don't know what I want out of this post or site, I just know I don't want to continue like this any more. I have to step up.
Please no jesus-speak, I have nothing against your beliefs, they just aren't for me.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Fireyes,
I'm glad you're here. It sounds like you are becoming aware that alcohol holds more sway over you and your life than you feel completely comfortable with. And it sounds like you are unsure how to measure that discomfort and it importance. I also hear you sharing some reluctance to completely delete alcohol from your life. And lastly, I am hearing you say that you feel a little lost or empty and that you don't know precisely where to assign blame for that.
So, if I got any of that wrong, let me know. If you are saying what I think you're saying, you have a few things that need to be addressed.
It sounds like you are doing a lot of ruminating and worrying. Which is understandable. You've got a baby on the way, you think you may be an alcoholic, you hate your life and you feel extremely bored and restless. However, on the good side, you've got a baby on the way, you are realizing you may be an alcoholic, you recognize that it's not healthy to be bored and restless with your life, you've got a good job, and you've got a wonderful girlfriend who doesn't nag you.
See the difference?
Alcoholism is a ugly disease that saps all of our strength and frequently our integrity and our ability to manage our lives joyfully and energetically. For me, my alcoholsim took 1st place prize in my life - over my kids, my husband, my family, my career and my sanity. I thought I was managing things because I still dropped my kids off at their sports functions, I still made love to my husband and I still cooked meals. But now that I'm sober, I recognize that what I was doing that whole time was trying to fit those into my busy schedule of drinking.
I got to the point where nothing really gave me pleasure except drinking. When people say they drink because their bored, I remember that that feeling vividly. But what I learned when I got sober was that I was bored because I drank. Drinking alcoholically makes it much harder to live a life that is interesting, intelligent, actively engaged with others and honest. No wonder you're bored. Let me tell you, there is nothing boring about sobriety and recovery. I promise you.
I think you are wise to question your life at this point. The manner in which you address your questions will affect everything about the life of the child you are about to bring into this world. Whether or not you and the mother of your child stay together, whether or not you are able to experience and take joy in the large and small wonders of a new baby, whether or not you are able to give generously and honestly to this new small being.... all of these things are determined by how you address the concerns you are currently voicing. Be courageous and honest. You will be re-paid a thousand times over.
I'm gald you're here.
- MLE
I'm glad you're here. It sounds like you are becoming aware that alcohol holds more sway over you and your life than you feel completely comfortable with. And it sounds like you are unsure how to measure that discomfort and it importance. I also hear you sharing some reluctance to completely delete alcohol from your life. And lastly, I am hearing you say that you feel a little lost or empty and that you don't know precisely where to assign blame for that.
So, if I got any of that wrong, let me know. If you are saying what I think you're saying, you have a few things that need to be addressed.
It sounds like you are doing a lot of ruminating and worrying. Which is understandable. You've got a baby on the way, you think you may be an alcoholic, you hate your life and you feel extremely bored and restless. However, on the good side, you've got a baby on the way, you are realizing you may be an alcoholic, you recognize that it's not healthy to be bored and restless with your life, you've got a good job, and you've got a wonderful girlfriend who doesn't nag you.
See the difference?
Alcoholism is a ugly disease that saps all of our strength and frequently our integrity and our ability to manage our lives joyfully and energetically. For me, my alcoholsim took 1st place prize in my life - over my kids, my husband, my family, my career and my sanity. I thought I was managing things because I still dropped my kids off at their sports functions, I still made love to my husband and I still cooked meals. But now that I'm sober, I recognize that what I was doing that whole time was trying to fit those into my busy schedule of drinking.
I got to the point where nothing really gave me pleasure except drinking. When people say they drink because their bored, I remember that that feeling vividly. But what I learned when I got sober was that I was bored because I drank. Drinking alcoholically makes it much harder to live a life that is interesting, intelligent, actively engaged with others and honest. No wonder you're bored. Let me tell you, there is nothing boring about sobriety and recovery. I promise you.
I think you are wise to question your life at this point. The manner in which you address your questions will affect everything about the life of the child you are about to bring into this world. Whether or not you and the mother of your child stay together, whether or not you are able to experience and take joy in the large and small wonders of a new baby, whether or not you are able to give generously and honestly to this new small being.... all of these things are determined by how you address the concerns you are currently voicing. Be courageous and honest. You will be re-paid a thousand times over.
I'm gald you're here.
- MLE
Certified Scrabble Cheat!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The Hill City, MS
Posts: 316
Originally Posted by Fireyes 
...My job requires me to drink sometimes but I think I can avoid that but salescalls will be a little more difficult...
I know the world of sales and have NEVER heard a sales person tell me that.
An alcoholic can come up with more reasons to continue to drink than a Mississippi Show Dog has tricks! And that a bunch and you just used one of them.!
You seem to have a good life life going for you. But you see it's kinda like this. What seems insignificant to you now (a tiny little monkey) becomes this huge thing (a King Kong size monkey) on your shoulder later on. If your lucky you will shake it loose before it robs you of your dignity, money, friends, family, job. Maybe even before there is a YouTube vid of you in your GFs thong and lamp shade. You might even shake it loose before you spend time in jail for vehicular manslaughter.
Just give a listen to the things that the folks at this site to say. We only speak from experience and only want you to succeed. Keep posting so that we may know how you are doing.
Peace.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Hi and Welcome,
I'm glad you found us and that you have decided that alcohol is causing you problems in your life.
If you are taking meds for depression, the alcohol will interfere with them working properly, so give yourself some sober time and see how you feel. I hope you keep reading and posting.
I'm glad you found us and that you have decided that alcohol is causing you problems in your life.
If you are taking meds for depression, the alcohol will interfere with them working properly, so give yourself some sober time and see how you feel. I hope you keep reading and posting.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR....
I don't know of a single positive thing that is enhanced by alcohol.
My long term depression is why I decided to committ to AA.
By 2 months of continious sobriety
I was back in balance mentally and physically.
Why not make a goal....say 3 months ...of not drinking
anything and see how that works for you?
Take care ...blessings to you ..your partner and baby to be.
I don't know of a single positive thing that is enhanced by alcohol.
My long term depression is why I decided to committ to AA.
By 2 months of continious sobriety
I was back in balance mentally and physically.
Why not make a goal....say 3 months ...of not drinking
anything and see how that works for you?
Take care ...blessings to you ..your partner and baby to be.
Sewer Dweller
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Chi-Town
Posts: 34
Thanks everyone. Carol, I shall do just that, give it a couple of months and see how that goes. Lets say today is day two of that journey. By my normal routine I would drink today, but I WILL NOT.
Daddio, I am in construction sales, my customers are 9am drinkers (I never drink before 5pm).
Daddio, I am in construction sales, my customers are 9am drinkers (I never drink before 5pm).
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Welcome to SR Fireyes! So glad that you found us! Please stick around and check out the other forums and stickies at the top of the forums. There is a wealth of information and experience, strength and hope from others in here!
You answered your own question-"don't want to continue like this anymore" hence why you have come to this site and we are glad that you did! Keep posting!
I work as an office manager for a construction company and know many construction guys and IMHO it is not just with construction although they are bad with the drinking-We all have choices so make your choice different from theirs!
Glad you are here!
Set in your mind not to ever drink before or AFTER 5!
And Congrats on the little one on the way!
Please stick around and check out the other forums and stickies at the top of the forums. There is a wealth of information and experience, strength and hope from others in here!
I don't know what I want out of this post or site, I just know I don't want to continue like this any more. I have to step up.
I work as an office manager for a construction company and know many construction guys and IMHO it is not just with construction although they are bad with the drinking-We all have choices so make your choice different from theirs!
Glad you are here!
Set in your mind not to ever drink before or AFTER 5!And Congrats on the little one on the way!
Certified Scrabble Cheat!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The Hill City, MS
Posts: 316
Originally Posted by Fireyes
Thanks everyone. Carol, I shall do just that, give it a couple of months and see how that goes. Lets say today is day two of that journey. By my normal routine I would drink today, but I WILL NOT.
Daddio, I am in construction sales, my customers are 9am drinkers (I never drink before 5pm).
Daddio, I am in construction sales, my customers are 9am drinkers (I never drink before 5pm).
I'm sure that you can already feel the claws of that monkey begin to loosen up. That is a monumental step, one that you will NEVER regret. The road gets a little weird at times but well worth it. And if you ever question any of it, just ask us about it.I too was a "don't start till 5:00pm" drinker. But Boodro, from 5 til 10 HANG ON! Someone in one of these threads said that heck, after 5 they only had three drinks a day. Yeah well, when your drinking from a 24 ounce glass. My goodness!
Just a note. I recently managed an Eddie Bauer project down in San Antonio. My crew, nor any of the other trades ever showed up drinking, nor did they drink during the day. Also, during all of my constructions jobs in Dallas never did I encounter anyone drinking. Maybe just a Texas thing. But now come quitting time - whole different story.. LOL
Peace
Sewer Dweller
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Chi-Town
Posts: 34
Got home, was going to go to the dog park but my dog needs more training before he can run with the big dogs. We went to the petstore instead, spoke with a trainer there, going to get him set up with classes.
Now im just sitting here, like I do whenever the GF is at school twice a week, except im not drinking. Theres a tall can in the fridge. I keep telling myself "NO!" I kind of want it to stay there for so that I can resist it. Its difficult.
Now im just sitting here, like I do whenever the GF is at school twice a week, except im not drinking. Theres a tall can in the fridge. I keep telling myself "NO!" I kind of want it to stay there for so that I can resist it. Its difficult.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Yes, generally, if you make the decision not to drink, it only makes sense to get rid of all the alcohol in your house. I know some people don't do that because they have loved ones that drink and don't want to get rid of the booze. But it sounds like you could easily pour that can down the drain and you GF would not be upset about it. Especially since she's pregnant.
Get rid of the booze or you'll be torturing yourself the whole time! You can do it! Take a deep breath and do it!
Good luck! And let us know!
Get rid of the booze or you'll be torturing yourself the whole time! You can do it! Take a deep breath and do it!
Good luck! And let us know!
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Being from Georgia that 5:00 pm drinking thing put me in the wayback machine.
I remember an interview with Miss Lillian Carter, Persident Carter's mother. What a woman she was. She mentioned that no southern lady would drink before 5:00 pm, yet she was also grateful she'd spent so many years volunteering in India because when it was only an hour before noon here, it was 5:00 in India.
There's a way around everything.
Just ask any lawyer.
Welcome to SR - I think your best bet is to try Carol's challenge.
I remember an interview with Miss Lillian Carter, Persident Carter's mother. What a woman she was. She mentioned that no southern lady would drink before 5:00 pm, yet she was also grateful she'd spent so many years volunteering in India because when it was only an hour before noon here, it was 5:00 in India.
There's a way around everything.
Just ask any lawyer.
Welcome to SR - I think your best bet is to try Carol's challenge.
Sewer Dweller
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Chi-Town
Posts: 34
I made it through last night, got antsy a few times but then I just went to bed early. Two days in a row at work without being hungover! That hasn't happened in a while. Just got to get through the weekend. I had a dream last night that I was drinking a couple of beers and that I hadn't made it past day two, but I did!
You guys are prob right I should toss that beer. I didn't last night, mainly out of laziness, but I will tonight.
The GF doesn't know Im trying not to drink, she expected me to last night. When she got home she asked if I was drinking hard liquor because there were no cans lying around. Its sad when that become expected.
Anyways, Im going to try an convince her to take a road trip this weekend, we need to get out of here.
Thanks everyone.
I know I am kind of using this as my own personal blog on this thread, but it helps to hear from you guys.
You guys are prob right I should toss that beer. I didn't last night, mainly out of laziness, but I will tonight.
The GF doesn't know Im trying not to drink, she expected me to last night. When she got home she asked if I was drinking hard liquor because there were no cans lying around. Its sad when that become expected.
Anyways, Im going to try an convince her to take a road trip this weekend, we need to get out of here.
Thanks everyone.
I know I am kind of using this as my own personal blog on this thread, but it helps to hear from you guys.
Last edited by Fireyes; 05-22-2008 at 04:08 AM. Reason: spellcheck
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 157
.
"Quick Run Down: I am 24, and I sometimes hate my life. I think I drink out of boredom more than anything, but I have been battling depression for a while. I think drinking cancels out that treatment. I am pretty successful, I am the youngest Middle Management person in my corporation. I have a wonderful girlfriend who I wish would nag me more often. I don't have many friends, most live in the burbs and I rarely see them, and they came with the girlfriend not actually mine. My job requires me to drink sometimes but I think I can avoid that but salescalls will be a little more difficult".
Welcome to the forum, im 29 now, when i was 24 i was drinking pretty much like you are, it slowly got out of control to the point where i lost my car, my driving license, my marriage, my job and almost my sanity (yes, it can happen THAT quickly)- not to say it will to you , but that is my story.
Well done for heeding the warning signs, i hope whatever choices you make you make the RIGHT ONES before things become unmanagable- as they did for me.
All the best.
"Quick Run Down: I am 24, and I sometimes hate my life. I think I drink out of boredom more than anything, but I have been battling depression for a while. I think drinking cancels out that treatment. I am pretty successful, I am the youngest Middle Management person in my corporation. I have a wonderful girlfriend who I wish would nag me more often. I don't have many friends, most live in the burbs and I rarely see them, and they came with the girlfriend not actually mine. My job requires me to drink sometimes but I think I can avoid that but salescalls will be a little more difficult".
Welcome to the forum, im 29 now, when i was 24 i was drinking pretty much like you are, it slowly got out of control to the point where i lost my car, my driving license, my marriage, my job and almost my sanity (yes, it can happen THAT quickly)- not to say it will to you , but that is my story.
Well done for heeding the warning signs, i hope whatever choices you make you make the RIGHT ONES before things become unmanagable- as they did for me.
All the best.
Sewer Dweller
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Chi-Town
Posts: 34
Yeah, I had an alcohol related driving offense when I was 18 (oddly enough thats what got me to stop smoking pot), lost my license for two years. Then for the next couple years I wasn't myself, I drank alot of vodka, didn't sleep much, was known to my friends for being a crazy drunk and they thought it was hilarious. I did some stupid stuff, real stupid stuff. My job is really what made me put things in check to the point they are now. So I guess I have made alot of progress, but not enough for my child.
Thats how things are with me though, I live my life on the edge of my limitations (i think im going to turn that into a song). Everytime a life changing event takes place I can adjust my addictions, but they are never really gone, and thats what worries me. One day I may not be able to adjust, which is why I am here today.
Thats how things are with me though, I live my life on the edge of my limitations (i think im going to turn that into a song). Everytime a life changing event takes place I can adjust my addictions, but they are never really gone, and thats what worries me. One day I may not be able to adjust, which is why I am here today.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 157
can relate to that- ive got 8 weeks sober now, i reckon its the longest time since i was about 11 or 12 that i havent put SOMETHING in my body.
Having said that ive now got addicted to exercising, running and doing weights instead- seem to go through life replacing one addiction with another....... at least the latest obsession is a healthy one :rof
Having said that ive now got addicted to exercising, running and doing weights instead- seem to go through life replacing one addiction with another....... at least the latest obsession is a healthy one :rof
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Fireyes,
It sounds to me like you're doing a bit of "fence sitting." The effect of this will be one of the following:
1) You continue to try to moderate you alcohol consumtion, giving yourself credit for trying and then feeling miserable when it doesn't consistently work. I've seen this a lot in AA, in my oupatient program and also here on this forum. People admit that they might possibly have a problem and they should try to slow down. So they try. And sometimes it works (which gives them a big boost of ego and confidence that they have more power over alcohol than alcohol has over them). And then other times it doesn't work and as the disease progresses, it works less and less and they begin to have more and more repercussions in their lives - losing the trust or respect of people they love, placing alcohol over parenting, getting into trouble with the law, losing jobs or income, etc.
2) You don't even really try to moderate your intake. But you continue to ruminate about it while you actively drink. You become more and more warped in your perceptions of reality. You make outlandish declarations that you are trying but you can't, you dont' have enough time to go to meetings or rehab, or other such declarations to the effect of it's no one's business how much you drink, you are not hurting anyone, it's too hard, your job doesn't allow you to quit, you don't belong in AA and there is no other support program near you, you are offended that your family is giving you ultimatums, etc.
And in all honesty, going the route of "fence sitting" - whether it leads you toward the first scenario or the second - is a more self-torturous route than any other, as far as I can see. You spend much more time agonizing over what is wrong with you and your life and what you need to do.
You can save yourself that step by getting off the fence and choosing a path to recovery. Dump the alcohol in your house. Go to a meeting. Can your insurance to see about coverage for outpatent rehab. Different people choose different paths. I, myself am an AA person and found it easy to find a meeting near me online and go to it. I also went to outpatient rehab. But it's AA that is really supporting me now. All that requires is a desire to stop drinking, honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. If you get off the fence those things come easily.
Good luck to you. Not trying to be your mom here (I think I sound like one) but I just really want to you succeed so that you can live a life you like living, and so that you can be a good father to your new baby and a good partner to your girlfriend.
Keep posting! I'm really rooting for you!
- MLE
It sounds to me like you're doing a bit of "fence sitting." The effect of this will be one of the following:
1) You continue to try to moderate you alcohol consumtion, giving yourself credit for trying and then feeling miserable when it doesn't consistently work. I've seen this a lot in AA, in my oupatient program and also here on this forum. People admit that they might possibly have a problem and they should try to slow down. So they try. And sometimes it works (which gives them a big boost of ego and confidence that they have more power over alcohol than alcohol has over them). And then other times it doesn't work and as the disease progresses, it works less and less and they begin to have more and more repercussions in their lives - losing the trust or respect of people they love, placing alcohol over parenting, getting into trouble with the law, losing jobs or income, etc.
2) You don't even really try to moderate your intake. But you continue to ruminate about it while you actively drink. You become more and more warped in your perceptions of reality. You make outlandish declarations that you are trying but you can't, you dont' have enough time to go to meetings or rehab, or other such declarations to the effect of it's no one's business how much you drink, you are not hurting anyone, it's too hard, your job doesn't allow you to quit, you don't belong in AA and there is no other support program near you, you are offended that your family is giving you ultimatums, etc.
And in all honesty, going the route of "fence sitting" - whether it leads you toward the first scenario or the second - is a more self-torturous route than any other, as far as I can see. You spend much more time agonizing over what is wrong with you and your life and what you need to do.
You can save yourself that step by getting off the fence and choosing a path to recovery. Dump the alcohol in your house. Go to a meeting. Can your insurance to see about coverage for outpatent rehab. Different people choose different paths. I, myself am an AA person and found it easy to find a meeting near me online and go to it. I also went to outpatient rehab. But it's AA that is really supporting me now. All that requires is a desire to stop drinking, honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. If you get off the fence those things come easily.
Good luck to you. Not trying to be your mom here (I think I sound like one) but I just really want to you succeed so that you can live a life you like living, and so that you can be a good father to your new baby and a good partner to your girlfriend.
Keep posting! I'm really rooting for you!
- MLE
Sewer Dweller
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Chi-Town
Posts: 34
Thanks MLE. I hear you and appreciate your candor. I am going to set a goal of three months, and see how life is. I really don't want to goto meetings. I am finding a lot of support from all of you though. I will dump the beer when I get home.
I really want to live a normal life where I can go out to the bar with some friends once a month and have a good time and not have my drinking get out of control. I just need to get to that point and I think it will take a long time to do so.
I really want to live a normal life where I can go out to the bar with some friends once a month and have a good time and not have my drinking get out of control. I just need to get to that point and I think it will take a long time to do so.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Fireyes,
If you are an alcoholic (and maybe you're not but the statement from your first post that said: "The problem is I have a hard time stopping once I start." makes me inclined to put more money on you being an alcoholic than on you NOT being an alcoholic.).... anyway, if you are an alcoholic, I am sorry to tell you that you will not ever be able to figure out what the magic tricks are that will all ow you to go to a bar with friends once a month, drink "normally," have a good time and have your drinking not get out of control. Alcoholics can not do that. It doesn't work for us. Period.
So, I hope you are not an alcoholic. Maybe you're just someone who uses alcohol sometimes to excess. But be careful because alcoholism is a progressive disease and that's what many of us were like at one point. And then it just slowly gets worse and worse. Until you cross that line and there is no looking back. It's much harder than ever to quit at that point. Much harder. And by then, you have usually done serious damage to your relationships and your reputation. DUIs, lost jobs and financial problems build up quickly when you have a life focused on drinking with everything else in the back ground.
Setting a goal of not drinking for three months is good. I think you will learn from it. But it won't tell you that you're not an alcoholic if you make three months sober. All it will tell you is that you can white knuckle it for 3 months.
I wish you the best and I hope you're not offended by my forcefullness. I am hoping that talking it through a little more in depth will be helpful to you. And I will back out now. I do think you're doing a good job and trying to address a difficult question. It's a very hard place to be in. It takes courage to think deeply about this stuff. Because we love our alcohol and find it hard to envision a life without it! I get that, utterly and completely.
Hang in there,
MLE
If you are an alcoholic (and maybe you're not but the statement from your first post that said: "The problem is I have a hard time stopping once I start." makes me inclined to put more money on you being an alcoholic than on you NOT being an alcoholic.).... anyway, if you are an alcoholic, I am sorry to tell you that you will not ever be able to figure out what the magic tricks are that will all ow you to go to a bar with friends once a month, drink "normally," have a good time and have your drinking not get out of control. Alcoholics can not do that. It doesn't work for us. Period.
So, I hope you are not an alcoholic. Maybe you're just someone who uses alcohol sometimes to excess. But be careful because alcoholism is a progressive disease and that's what many of us were like at one point. And then it just slowly gets worse and worse. Until you cross that line and there is no looking back. It's much harder than ever to quit at that point. Much harder. And by then, you have usually done serious damage to your relationships and your reputation. DUIs, lost jobs and financial problems build up quickly when you have a life focused on drinking with everything else in the back ground.
Setting a goal of not drinking for three months is good. I think you will learn from it. But it won't tell you that you're not an alcoholic if you make three months sober. All it will tell you is that you can white knuckle it for 3 months.
I wish you the best and I hope you're not offended by my forcefullness. I am hoping that talking it through a little more in depth will be helpful to you. And I will back out now. I do think you're doing a good job and trying to address a difficult question. It's a very hard place to be in. It takes courage to think deeply about this stuff. Because we love our alcohol and find it hard to envision a life without it! I get that, utterly and completely.
Hang in there,
MLE
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