kj3880

How come everybody warns people (including me) when they hit a milestone? Does warning them help them avoid the pothole, or do they then stare at it and drive right into it??? It made me worry when people said "watch out, now it gets harder." when I had my 30 days last week. It so far hasn't but now I'm worried. Shouldn't I just take it one day at a time and realize that some days are harder and others are easier???
kj :wtf2

Ananda

FYI - I am just now 9 mos sober and I have not found it to get harder! It is easier 95% of the time and it has yet to ever be as hard as that first week.

Different for different people I guess. So don't be scared....but do pay attention.

Anna

It's your journey, so just see it, as it is.

We each have our own road to follow.

changeisgood

My sobriety experience isn't that long, but I think the longer you stay sober, the easier it becomes to believe one of the following:

"I never really had a problem with alcohol in the first place"
"I did have a problem with alcohol but I've solved it"
"It wouldn't really be a big deal if I just drank tonight"
"I've been 'good', I deserve a drink"

And many, many more.

Aysha

I have felt that exact same way.
I got x amount of days. YAY...But watch out now...
Confusing.
I have never heard anyone say it got harder. The warning was more along the lines of what steam said. Dont get too comfortable or confident.
And I for one can asure you in my experience. That I did exactly that after a milestone. And mine is usually 30 days.
It is like..Oh cool..I made it to this point. It is all clear now. Somewhat. Let my guard down a little and BAM!
I dont think it gets harder to stay in recovery after certain milestones. Just harder to remember to stay on your toes.
Congrats on your time. Keep it up.

mle-sober

kj,

I was a little surprised when people advised you of that last week also. I had an internal reaction that I wish I would've shared with you then. I think people here are genuinely, truly just sharing their experience and hoping that it helps. But I think it can come off accidentally in a way that sounds like your experience is going to be exactly like theirs. I don't believe they think that - it's just the way it comes off.

I do hear over and over again about being vigilent around times when you have reached a goal. Because many people have succombed to a feeling of having accomplished what they set out to do and so they can have a drink to celebrate! I've heard it from many people in AA, here and at my outpatient group. So, I think it's worth contemplating. The trick is to not let it make you paranoid.

Anyway, good job on your 30 days. May you celebrate each milestone with joy and sobriety.

- MLE

NoelleR

"...people said "watch out, now it gets harder." when I had my 30 days last week..."

I'm with ananda on this one.....although I usually shy from saying things like 'it gets better' I feel that when it comes to 'easier' that's all up to us.....For me, I realized I could make my recovery journey as easy or as hard as I wanted.....I voted for 'easy' and it's still workin' for me..... (o:

You just keep pilin' on them days.....WTG.....!!!!!


NoelleR

crutch0108

Just speaking for myself I always lost my battles near milestones. I do think it's the complacency of saying "well I made it ( ) so what's one night gonna do?"

When I'd barely quit I'd always lose at around the one week mark ("might as well drink on Saturday night and then go another full week until next Saturday! I'll only drink on Saturdays!"). Make it after that and I'd lose at around the 30 day mark (same as above just with a month). And so on and so on. Each and every time it never stopped with the one day.

The longer you go the easier it is not to drink.... but it's also important to remember you do have a serious problem so don't fall for that logic that you're fine now.

tennis71

Congrats on your 30 days!

Personally, I never had anyone tell me to watch out, it gets harder after 30 days. Our group dynamic seems to be pretty optimistic with an attitude that more will be revealed to us the longer we stay sober and the more we work the steps.

However, everyone has their own experience and every group has their own dynamic. I realize that even the people who come across as being hardcore still speak from the heart with sincerity and compassion. What more could a guy from Seattle ask for except for maybe a big umbrella!

Congrats again and keep taking it a day at a time.

Tazman53

Well in thier defense they may have had issues at that time in their sobriety.

Every one is different, over all the longer one is sober the easier it gets to stay sober as long as we are working on our sobriety.

For me I was improving every day for the first 2 months, I was going to a minimum of a meeting a day and was reading recovery literature and keeping in contact via the phone with other recovering alcoholics. Then I started to feel like I was spinning my wheels, I did not want to drink, but would catch myself over and over again trying to convince myself that a couple of beers would be okay even though I knew a lot better then that, the experience of hundreds of relapses before AA had taught me that for me there was no such thing as 1 or 2 beers.

A lot of the old timers in the rooms shared that working the steps with their sponsors was what led them to having the need to drink lifted from them. I was getting pretty desperate so I switched sponsors because my first one worked so much he had no spare time to work steps with me and I got to work on the steps.

Funny thing, but just starting to work the steps lessened my stinking thinking and by the time I had done step 5 the urge/need to drink was lifted.

I can honestly say that if I think about a drink today it is but a fleeting thought that enters and leaves my head quickly, when I get mad, sad, or glad the idea that a drink will make it better never enters my mind.

Staying sober is no problem at all for me, I simply work my program on a daily basis and I am fine.

tkdan

From my experience and from what I understand about PAWS I can see where some people may be coming from. I seem to go through tough times right at the month marks. That has been me. That is not to say it has to happen to anyone else. If you do not experience tougher times at milestones then great. It has not been my experience that it gets harder, on the contrary it seems to get easier. We are all different, and have different experiences in sobriety. Don't stress over what others say just do your best to enjoy your sober time. Oh and congrats on 30 that is awsome keep it up.

Tazman53

You know I was just thinking I would rather be warned about something and it not happen then to not be warned and have it happen!!!! Just me, I am an odd sort at times!

Lily

KJ,

Noone said that to me either. Today I have 109 days clean and to be honest with you, not to sound complacent....but it feels waaay easier w/ each passing day. I honestly feel FREE!!! I have very few thoughts of using these days. I love meetings too!

Just take each day as it comes. Don't worry about what others have experienced. Be grateful each day that goes by clean. Keep on tract with your program. you will be fine one day at a time.

NoelleR

Yeh, me2, an odd sort, most times even. But in this case if I were warned, it might put my focus on what 'might' happen, thus focusing my attention there, thus causing it to happen.....which had I not been warned, it might never have occured..........hmmmmmmmm..........something to think about, perhaps.......told you I was an odd sort.....lol


NoelleR

MsPlugginTheJug

I'm ALWAYS odd, for the record.

So, sort of like what you fear, you (may) create?

I think where sobriety goes, I look at the actual intake of alcohol as a behavior of alcoholism but the internal stuff that happens to keep you there or get you there is the real battle. I know those who succeed get there, sometimes slow, sometimes fast. I have 36 days of sobriety today, and as I was reading the big book, I read, "We are neither cocky, or afraid" (or pretty close) and THAT is how I feel right now. I worried because I think I've done it bass-ackward then most, but for me it's good. For others, I am sure that since the internal work is also so fresh, that nasty internal voice might be louder and more convincing and some have let their guard down prematurely. If you feel good and are doing everything you need, I would think, as I feel myself, it doesn't matter if it's day 30, 36 (for me) or 973. Do the same thing today you did yesterday, or better and it's sure to be ok.

I have tried to stop worrying about tomorrow and the what might happens....and I work with what is in front of me and learn from what is behind me. Worry will kill ya! LOL Just be diligent and honest inside of your own head and listen to your own internal dialogue, not the weird alcoholic voice, but the real, sober, you. Everyones sobriety is personal, I like that. There is no right or wrong way, and that I learned here, and it has helped me alot because I think some old-timers might think I have no chance!

Pardon my rambling, I get tired of conversing with myself and sometimes go on too much. Imagine being stuck with me 24/7! LOL

Karen

bugsworth

I agree with Noelle..I was 2 months sober, feeling great and looking forward to one of my good friends wedding. My sponsor was beside herself that I was attending the wedding...she told me it was way too early in my sobriety to "put myself through that." I assured her that I was fine, I had no worries at all...she insisted that it was my disease talking...setting me up. It was at that point that I got nervous and quite frankly a little annoyed at my sponsors request that I call her every hour to check in. Sometimes focusing on the positive can net better results than focusing on the negatives. The wedding was beautiful and I left with one more hurdle jumped under my belt. I believe perception plays a huge roll in how we approach milestones in our sobriety.

tennis71

It does at times seem like a self fulfilling prophecy. I mean you can only go to a barber shop so many times before you get a haircut right? You can only tell someone to be careful of relapse so many times before they follow through with it.

To me telling someone that it gets more difficult after they hit a milestone is like telling them that they need to worry about relapsing. At 30 days I would much rather hear people say "Congratulations and here is how I have stayed sober after my first 30 days" than "Be careful, I relapsed after 30 days". The warning just opens up the door to the "**** it" attitude of why not start drinking today if I am just going to relapse tomorrow.

This is just one guys opinion and experience in early sobriety KJ, I wish you great success in your sobriety!

karma35

just a quick note to say that i haven't worried bout dates after the stage your at -ok it's not over but i agree with the other posts that its an individual thing - dont look for a hole to fall into - keep your head high lovely
light up the darkness(bob marley)
Karma