Last night here
play the tape all the way thru
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
Last night here
I'm moving tomorrow, out of the house that xabf and I shared. So many memories and reminders of the life we shared. I came across a bunch of old vases that I saved as he used to send me flowers back when things were a lot better and he was sober. I just sat there on the kitchen floor crying and feeling as though this is so surreal.
It feels just like yesterday we moved into this wonderful house and were beginning our life together. I remember so vivdly unpacking boxes, and laughing and joking with him... now I'm re packing them, I wish I could just re pack all the memories and forget.... I really miss him tonight...
I'm so afraid and scared; so many changes.
Thanks for reading..
It feels just like yesterday we moved into this wonderful house and were beginning our life together. I remember so vivdly unpacking boxes, and laughing and joking with him... now I'm re packing them, I wish I could just re pack all the memories and forget.... I really miss him tonight...
I'm so afraid and scared; so many changes.
Thanks for reading..
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
awwwww, sweetie, I know this is hard. You're dealing with grief, fear, and a lot of emotions. I'm really glad you're taking care of you, though.
Stick around here and with supportive f2f friends. Any time I've struggled with something, it helped me to come here and post. There's something very comforting about knowing people all over the country and world care about us and are sending good thoughts and prayers!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Stick around here and with supportive f2f friends. Any time I've struggled with something, it helped me to come here and post. There's something very comforting about knowing people all over the country and world care about us and are sending good thoughts and prayers!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Idaho
Posts: 47
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Keep thinking about all the good things that are in front of you, the life you are going to build without the chaos and insanity. You are strong and can do this. Cry if you need to, it's what helps release all the negative stuff. Know that we are here for you.:ghug3
Queen of Leesburg
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 83
I'm so sorry for your loss...and it is a loss. i know your heart is breaking. maybe all this needed to happen for you to find the love and happiness you deserve to have. What do they say? Whenever one door closes, another opens...
Sending loving and healing wishes across the wires to you...
Sending loving and healing wishes across the wires to you...
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Give yourself time to grieve the loss of the dream and the hopes you had for this relationship.
Give yourself time to reflect on your growth in your recovery.
Give yourself time to dream about the new and healthier you, your healthier life, and the healthier partner you'll find when the time is right.
Give yourself time to reflect on your growth in your recovery.
Give yourself time to dream about the new and healthier you, your healthier life, and the healthier partner you'll find when the time is right.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Things always have a way of seeming more hopeless at night. But tomorrow, you get to MOVE into your new place! Change tonight might seem daunting, but in the light of tomorrow's day I'll bet you will find hope, excitement, and empowerment in the stronger and wiser woman you've become. Don't forget to "allow" yourself to be excited when you wake up in the morning, sweetie. Sending lots of hugs and love your way, Lexus 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 126
I'm sorry for your pain. It's a very traumatic situation and hard not to think about the old times. But tomorrow is a new beginning. Soon you'll be looking forward with excitement rather than looking back. :ghug2
If you are lost, stand still
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: James Island, SC
Posts: 159
(((Lex)))
One thing that got me through when I moved out of an apt an ex and I shared was some music given to me by a friend. Maybe you could ask some friends to share some of their favorite comfort music with you.
One thing that got me through when I moved out of an apt an ex and I shared was some music given to me by a friend. Maybe you could ask some friends to share some of their favorite comfort music with you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 369
Hey Lex! I'll be praying that one day you'll be able to look back on this time and not be hurt by it. I agree with Peace...tomorrow you'll get to move into a NEW place. You are in the place where you get to start anew. I'm proud of you for looking fear in the face and still doing what's best for you. (((Prayers)))
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I think this is what bigredme was refering to and I also think it's a comforting thing to keep in mind.
I know right now that you aren't looking at it this way, but down the road, when you meet THE ONE, you will be happy that you moved on to find the man you were meant to share your life with.
Take this time to discover you. I'm working towards 3 years in Recovery and I am still learning new things about myself every day! I actually enjoy having my time to me, I can spend all the time I want working on my Recovery or just having good, clean fun! That's something I haven't done in way too many years!
Finally, this too shall pass
Prayers and Hugs,
Judy
I know right now that you aren't looking at it this way, but down the road, when you meet THE ONE, you will be happy that you moved on to find the man you were meant to share your life with.
Take this time to discover you. I'm working towards 3 years in Recovery and I am still learning new things about myself every day! I actually enjoy having my time to me, I can spend all the time I want working on my Recovery or just having good, clean fun! That's something I haven't done in way too many years!
Finally, this too shall pass
Prayers and Hugs,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
This is a normal and natural part of the kind of change you're going through, Lexus, but I'm sorry it hurts so much right now.
I don't know if this will help, but I can tell you: when I moved away from my abf many years ago, I did the same thing....looking at all the "things" that I had equated with great happiness in my life, and mourned them. That was okay. It meant that I had invested my heart in something, and I will never regret being brave enough to do that.
Now, years, later, I look at those very same "things" and they are faded, fuzzy bittersweet memories, like a radio station that barely comes in. But in contrast, all I've been able to build WITHOUT the specter of alcoholism over my head is a hundred times brighter, louder, more joyful, and more meaningful than any of that stuff.
Feel what you feel, mourn what you wished had happened instead, this is necessary and normal. But some day soon look up: you have an amazing life ahead of you where you will have far, far more than a few bunches of flowers. You will have a life-partner some day that you can trust, who will hold you, who will be your champion, and who won't make a bottle more important than you. You will get stronger and kinder and happier. And life will blossom.
Hugs to you in this tough time...it will get better.
GL
I don't know if this will help, but I can tell you: when I moved away from my abf many years ago, I did the same thing....looking at all the "things" that I had equated with great happiness in my life, and mourned them. That was okay. It meant that I had invested my heart in something, and I will never regret being brave enough to do that.
Now, years, later, I look at those very same "things" and they are faded, fuzzy bittersweet memories, like a radio station that barely comes in. But in contrast, all I've been able to build WITHOUT the specter of alcoholism over my head is a hundred times brighter, louder, more joyful, and more meaningful than any of that stuff.
Feel what you feel, mourn what you wished had happened instead, this is necessary and normal. But some day soon look up: you have an amazing life ahead of you where you will have far, far more than a few bunches of flowers. You will have a life-partner some day that you can trust, who will hold you, who will be your champion, and who won't make a bottle more important than you. You will get stronger and kinder and happier. And life will blossom.
Hugs to you in this tough time...it will get better.
GL
play the tape all the way thru
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
Such beautiful words, written by such beautiful people...again thank you..
He called tonight but I didn't answer. Slowly this chapter of my life is closing and I don't want it to; I guess I have no choice..and it's what I must do.
He called tonight but I didn't answer. Slowly this chapter of my life is closing and I don't want it to; I guess I have no choice..and it's what I must do.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by lexusgirl 
Slowly this chapter of my life is closing and I don't want it to; I guess I have no choice..and it's what I must do.
You are letting go of the fantasy relatoinship after taking a realistic look at it and your needs. You are moving out because its what you decided you need to do at this point in time for yourself. Putting a negative slant on this is denying your truth. Play the tape all the way through and you will remember that.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
heya Lexus
(((HUGS)))
It's a big day - first day in a new place and all - and what it means symbolically - "moving on" from an unhealthy relationship/situation. I agree with what B-52 said above-- pay attention to those tricksy thought patterns that creep in.
Are you willing to grow and change? It sure seems like it!
Are you ready to do the mental work of releasing and forgiving (yourself and others)?
Bless each room in your new place and your yard. I mean this spiritually not religiously. In each space take a deep breath and say, with intention, "I, here, now, create a safe and joyous new future. I lovingly protect this home with thoughts of joy and peace. All is well!"
Those words are mostly from a little book called HEAL YOUR BODY by Louise Hay. I highly recommend it. Sometimes I have to repeat words like that over and over to counteract all the negativity that seems automatic in my thinking!! AAAGH!!
You've been through a lot and you know you are doing the right thing - it is so very hard - but it is also worth the effort and so are you!
Wishing you lots of peace, joy, and happiness in your new home!!
B.
(((HUGS)))
It's a big day - first day in a new place and all - and what it means symbolically - "moving on" from an unhealthy relationship/situation. I agree with what B-52 said above-- pay attention to those tricksy thought patterns that creep in.
Are you willing to grow and change? It sure seems like it!
Are you ready to do the mental work of releasing and forgiving (yourself and others)?
Bless each room in your new place and your yard. I mean this spiritually not religiously. In each space take a deep breath and say, with intention, "I, here, now, create a safe and joyous new future. I lovingly protect this home with thoughts of joy and peace. All is well!"
Those words are mostly from a little book called HEAL YOUR BODY by Louise Hay. I highly recommend it. Sometimes I have to repeat words like that over and over to counteract all the negativity that seems automatic in my thinking!! AAAGH!!
You've been through a lot and you know you are doing the right thing - it is so very hard - but it is also worth the effort and so are you!
Wishing you lots of peace, joy, and happiness in your new home!!
B.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
