Step 4
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 521
Step 4
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Ok...Im gonna do it.
I just finished my big book study meeting with my friend. My homework........yup, a step 4.
Now, last week....maybe even yesterday, I was terrified...I mean TERRIFIED of that scary step 4. I thought maybe I would tackle that one eventually...like maybe when I was sober for a year or 2. LOL
Progress, not perfection.
I dont have to do a perfect step 4. It doesnt hqave to be my last ever step 4. Im gonna do it to the best of my ability, where I am today.
Im not even really scared. Im almost....dare I say it...a little excited. How weird is that????? Weird for me.
I asked God to remove my fear....and, ummm...well, its gone.
So strange.
This really works.
Ok...Im gonna do it.
I just finished my big book study meeting with my friend. My homework........yup, a step 4.
Now, last week....maybe even yesterday, I was terrified...I mean TERRIFIED of that scary step 4. I thought maybe I would tackle that one eventually...like maybe when I was sober for a year or 2. LOL
Progress, not perfection.
I dont have to do a perfect step 4. It doesnt hqave to be my last ever step 4. Im gonna do it to the best of my ability, where I am today.
Im not even really scared. Im almost....dare I say it...a little excited. How weird is that????? Weird for me.
I asked God to remove my fear....and, ummm...well, its gone.
So strange.
This really works.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Julie steps 4 and 5 are the beginning of the action steps that set us free!!! If you get stuck on doing the 4th, read the promises after the 5th step:
I can attest that those do come true!
We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 521
Hey Taz...thankyou for that quote. I wrote it down and am keeping it right beside me as I work through my 4th.
I am so ready to be able to look the world in the eye. I am so ready to have my fears fall away.
I am so ready to be able to look the world in the eye. I am so ready to have my fears fall away.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Uhhhhh...Julie!
Do you realize something girlie?
You prepared well yesterday....by "cleaning house"...your cellar!!!!
Really.
That was a ggod way to start the process....I think you will do an excellent step 4!!!!!!
Good luck!
Do you realize something girlie?
You prepared well yesterday....by "cleaning house"...your cellar!!!!
Really.
That was a ggod way to start the process....I think you will do an excellent step 4!!!!!!
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
heres a little Hand'y Dand'y 4th step helper for "the what did i do" (my part) part if it!
"HAVEWILLD"
1- Harbored it
2- Allowded It
3- Expectations
4- Walls
5- Irresponsible
6- Lied
7- Lack of Prayer
8- Drank or Druged over it
"HAVEWILLD"
1- Harbored it
2- Allowded It
3- Expectations
4- Walls
5- Irresponsible
6- Lied
7- Lack of Prayer
8- Drank or Druged over it
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 521
Thanks friends...for all your help and input.
Funny IO...I never thought of my basement cleaning as a "cleansing house". But now that you mention it, I think something about that did prepare me.
Ive been working on it, bit by bit.
I cant believe the stuff that is coming up for me....all the junk Ive carried around. All the blame I laid at others feet, refusing until now to look at my own part.
I got up this morning, and I felt 20 pounds lighter. Im able to hold my head just a little higher than yesterday. I dont feel so weighted down with guilt, remorse and shame.
I have a sense of clarity over things that I didnt want to deal with before. Things that I thought would make me fall apart if I had to look at them.
I have some courage. What an awesome feeling!
Funny IO...I never thought of my basement cleaning as a "cleansing house". But now that you mention it, I think something about that did prepare me.
Ive been working on it, bit by bit.
I cant believe the stuff that is coming up for me....all the junk Ive carried around. All the blame I laid at others feet, refusing until now to look at my own part.
I got up this morning, and I felt 20 pounds lighter. Im able to hold my head just a little higher than yesterday. I dont feel so weighted down with guilt, remorse and shame.
I have a sense of clarity over things that I didnt want to deal with before. Things that I thought would make me fall apart if I had to look at them.
I have some courage.
What an awesome feeling! No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Julie..good for you! It took me FOREVER to finish my Step 4. I struggled with it. Some days I would work on it and have to put it aside cause I was crying too much.
But, really, it is sooo worth getting done. I can't tell you how my outlook on things has changed. It's awesome!
xo
But, really, it is sooo worth getting done. I can't tell you how my outlook on things has changed. It's awesome!
xo
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: San Antonio, Texas
Posts: 143
Go Jules!!
I'm soooo jealous. I have homework from my sponsor on Step 1 that I can't seem to find time to do. But I'm going to a daylong meditation retreat with her, so I'll finally have the opportunity while we drive there--it's 3 hours away. I'm stoked. Have a beautiful day, and keep posting. Helps me a lot.
Peace,
Jana
Peace,
Jana
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 521
Ok...now that Ive got into the meat and potatoes of step 4....Im stalling.
All these resentments, and fears.
I dont even want to open that stupid book today...the book Im filling with this stuff.
Ive saved my biggest resentments and fears for the end I guess...and Im scared to look at them. Im scared of change.
All these resentments, and fears.
I dont even want to open that stupid book today...the book Im filling with this stuff.
Ive saved my biggest resentments and fears for the end I guess...and Im scared to look at them. Im scared of change.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 521
Ok, maybe if I type my fears out...they will loosen their grip on me.
Im scared to deal with my relationship. Im scared of all the resentments I have against my partner. Im scared that I dont even like him anymore.
Im scared he doesnt like me!
Im scared we will break up. Im scared to be alone. Im scared to deal with this sh!t.
Im scared I will never be able to get past some of the wrongs he's done.
Im scared he will never let me off the hook for the wrongs Ive done.
Im scared I will have to pay for this forever.
Im scared that I will want to break up. Im scared that I want to be alone.
Im scared that my kids will suffer for my choices.
Im scared to deal with my relationship. Im scared of all the resentments I have against my partner. Im scared that I dont even like him anymore.
Im scared he doesnt like me!
Im scared we will break up. Im scared to be alone. Im scared to deal with this sh!t.
Im scared I will never be able to get past some of the wrongs he's done.
Im scared he will never let me off the hook for the wrongs Ive done.
Im scared I will have to pay for this forever.
Im scared that I will want to break up. Im scared that I want to be alone.
Im scared that my kids will suffer for my choices.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 521
Ok...ok....Im gonna go soak in a tub and pray. Even if I dont feel like it. Even if Im scared. Even if I have no cigarettes.
I wont die from dealing with pain...but I just might die if I dont.
I wont die from dealing with pain...but I just might die if I dont.
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