wish he'd quit

Ah does not know yet that I am wanting a divorce, though he knows something is up. In the past AH has made comments about fighting for custody if I ever left him since my house keeping skills are not the greatest. Well AH is verbally abusive and I also don't trust him to take care of the kids unless he is not drinking at all. He has a history of drinking and driving with my son in the truck on occassion and also a few other various drunk instances. I'm sure his parents would have them part of the time since he works Fridays and Saturday mornings. I am not against him having visitations, but I am afraid of him not taking care of the kids or getting up with them if he does have them.

I am also conflicted about what I should be asking for in the divorce. I have made alot of stupid credit card mistakes totaling about $10,000. We have been working to pay this down and will probably pay a good portion of it off soon. I am willing to own up to my mistakes. However, AH has had an issue with having the patience to take care of the kids or not being reliable enough to get up with them. Because of this I had to basically stop working. I enjoy being at home, but I also was perfectly willing and able to go out and work part time. I didnt have a babysitter to fall back on. I also go to school, but he isnt exactly supportive of that either. Has always had some sort of issue with it. I am torn though about whether I should ask for alimony. I definitely want child support, but I don't want him thinking that I want to take him for everything he has. I don't want to just leave him high and dry as tempting as it is. I have basically lost a few years on my social security also. I don't plan on relying on this, but that is besides the point. I just want to make this as easy as possible and be done.

Barbara52

Have you talked to an attorney yet? Getting informed on what's what in your state is a good starting point for making good decisions and plans.

Lilyflower

Personally, I would stop worrying about how what I ask for will alter someones opinion of me and put my childs needs at the top of the list instead.

I agree with Barbara, consulting a lawyer is the way to go, they can offer the best advice and fight your corner for you.

All the best
Lily xxxxxxxxxx

CatsPajamas

Lawyers are a good thing... they take most of the emotion & egos out and they are able to see things a lot more objectively, especially in matters that affect the children.

Hugs
Cats

Bernadette

Hey wishhe'dquit--
I agree with Barabara & Lily & Cats!!- get some legal advice first.

Right now because you have made your decision you're feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the nitty gritty details and you're "imagining" how it's going to play out etc.

Divorce is a step by step procedure so take it easy-make a list on paper of these concerns-- you might need 2 or more columns!!

Some of your concerns fall under the heading of WORRIES (will he get any form of custody? will he wake up on time for the kids? will his family be involved? should I ask for alimony? etc) and some fall under the heading of THINGS TO DO (call a lawyer, make a budget, apply for part-time work, plan for childcare to allow you to work/attend school).

This is where those great AA and AlAnon reminders come in very handy -
So, First Things First! You cannot answer all these questions today!

But you can get started in outlining some solutions, making some plans. And you can start training your mind to let go of the things you cannot control...you will need all your strength to manage the things you CAN control so give yourself a break and let go of the WORRIES for today.

Focus on the things YOU can DO - not the things you can "think" about - the things you can actually DO. That'll set the ball in motion and each bridge can be crossed when you come to it.

Take it easy. One step, one day, at a time. Make a list, have a plan, just for today.
You're building a new future! Very exciting! Not easy - but worth it!
Peace,
B.

hadenoughnow

I would talk to an attorney, he won't get custody just because your housekeeping skills "aren't the greatest" (you probably will get it though because he drinks). My STBX used to pull that crap all the time and he gave me custody rather than be scrutinized by the court (I had lots of evidence of his addiction, I took pictures every time I found his stashes of cans and made copies of our bank statements to show how much money he was spending, our son is 13 and he knew that he would not lie and say his dad didn't drink).