Pajarito

Tonight we (Me and AH) are going to finally talk to our 10-yr-old dd about getting a divorce. I am exhausted and very sad. I've spent 10 years trying to figure out how to live with an alcoholic- active as well as bitterly "recovering." Over the past 8 months that we've been separated I've come to realize I just cannot do it. I know I deserve better. For years I tried to adjust, accommodate, and understand the insanity- and in the process I was becoming someone I didn't like. I hate alcoholism- and yet, I am finding that because of it, I am discovering some things about myself that I need to work on. I'm also finding strength in myself that I never knew I had. I am just beginning to see a glimmer of how my life can be. I just need to get through this very hard stuff first. Thanks to all of you whose stories I've read and who have responded to my threads, I am learning more about myself and you- and I'm eternally grateful. I just want to be good to myself- to be good to my dd and to finally live a peaceful life. I knew if I stayed with AH I would never find that. It's bitter/sweet- I hope to eventually experience more of the sweet. . .and I hope that for all of you who are struggling along with me.
(((((Thank you))))):ghug2

Barbara52

I know this will be very difficult but you will get thru it. And your daughter will react. But she also will get thru it. Children are amazingly adaptive. {hugs}

hbb

(((Paj))) i'll be thinking of you tonight. I"m sure it will be difficult but hopefully your AH will help in making things go as smooth as they can. And your right, you DO deserve better and sounds like you've put in so much love and effort to keep things together. Big hugs to you and your dd.

Duracell

sending you lots of good thoughts. My mother in law once told me that you can not spoil a child with to much love... Give lots and lots of love and i am sure it will be fine.. Always be there when they want to talk things through as well.
Hugs to you... you seem incredibly strong and have so much to be proud of yourself for!

NYC_Chick

:praying

Shivaya

Pajarito.....I'll be thinking of you this evening and sending healing thoughts your way...........what a difficult conversation to have with your child......I'm wondering if I'll need to have the same talk with my children in the future.......

Take care,

Shivaya

CatsPajamas

I've had to be involved in this a time or 2... the most important thing is to reassure her that both parents love her very much and will be involved in her life (if that's truly the case).

It will be difficult, but you'll all make it through.

HUGS
Cats

peaceteach

Prayers to you, Paj, for approaching this evening with calm, grace, and serenity. Eat something first so you aren't shaky or tearful from lack of energy.

lexusgirl

(((((((Paj))))))))

Thoughts and prayers going out to you and your DD. And you're so right YOU do deserve so much more!!

:ghug3

Astro

Hugs and prayers coming your way Pajarito......

I remember very well sitting down with my ex and our kids a few years ago, the day I came home after a weekend stay at the mental hospital. They were 7 & 10 at the time, much too young I thought to understand divorce. Yes, there were some tears and frightened looks that day.

What I know now is that our divorce was much better for our children than the insanity of an alcoholic/codependent marriage. While I'm still resentful as hell towards my ex and the co-worker she had an affair with (who's now stepfather to my children) I know without a doubt that they live in two households where they're loved. I can't ask for better than that when I consider my part as the destructive alcoholic.

My kids attend AA meetings with me and help with service work, and they've made friends with other kids who's parents are in AA. How cool is that? I say it often that we share a love and life together that brings me to my knees with gratitude.

Yeah, I'd say it was the right thing to do.

FormerDoormat

I hope everything went well for you and your daughter tonight, Pajarito.

Gman813

I can only imagine how difficult an evening this was for you. As others said, as hard as it is for an adult to process, it’s that much harder for children. Talk open, honestly and often to her, at 10 they know more than we think.

Wishing you strength and peace as you go forward, good luck!!

Bernadette

Thinking of you Paj & your dear daughter-
sending prayers-
Peace,
B.

Pajarito

Thank you all so much for your support. It was hard, but we did it. She cried and at one point said she was angry- "Why can't you just get along?" Good question. I told her sometimes moms and dads just grow apart and need to live apart. Some of you wrote about this not being THE talk, and I get that. I know we will have many talks about this and other things related to it. <<<Big, fat sigh>>> I feel like I've taken a big step. Someone told me yesterday that now I have roots. In the past 8 months I've grown more than I can ever remember. I hope to continue. Thanks for your guidance, stories and support. You guys are the greatest. Paj

angelfromheaven

Any divorce is difficult for kids to understand but if both parents get it right, it may work out to their benefit.

I also was afraid of them suffering for something which is not their mistake. After 2 years of "succesful divorce" my daughter said to me the other day: "Actually it was the best what you and dad could have done. You really did not get on well when you were together and now you do"
I found that really good. Not that a divorce is a good thing but that with much patience, compromise, persistence we managed to stay "good parents". Sometimes it (he) drives me crazy but I try to keep my calm, not react, just for them....