Moving through the fog...

Old 04-17-2008, 10:34 AM
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Moving through the fog...

Hi everyone!

Well this has been a roller coaster week. I have been cleaning right through the house, which was somewhat neglected during the fiasco that was living with an A and feeling emotionally drained with no motivation.

I would literally come in from work as late as I could because I wouldn't want to go home, and when there I would always want to either get out again, or just sleep. I spent so much time sleeping!

Anyway, I have cleared out my daughter's room and moved her into a bigger one. We have spent time together cleaning and arranging her new space and managed to clear out four large bags to charity!

All of exabf's things have been moved into the now spare room and out of the way and I'll store them for now. I haven't gotten as far as putting a time limit on that but I will. I have a p[lan to turn that room into my meditation space and somewhere I can go to practice my music so I'm no longer in the living room doing it!

It has been an emotional time. Living through the happy memories, but I feel the whole thing has been really theraputic and cleaning and de-cluttering the house is helping me to clean and de-clutter my mind. This is another step forward for me in my recovery and re-establishing my own identity and reclaiming my space once again.

I feel good!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Old 04-17-2008, 10:41 AM
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Hi Lily- you sound a lot like me. I am in the mood to get a dumpster and go through the house with no mercy. Cleaning and organizing my space always feels good. And our house had been a bit neglected too. I also got seeds and flowers to start gardening. Maybe it's also spring that is motivating us? I am glad to hear you are doing well. It's hard, but we can do it! (((((Keep it up!)))))
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Old 04-17-2008, 11:07 AM
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Lily: Good for you!!!

Although mine didn't live with me, I have been clearing out my apartment and redecoratiing. It's been really nice or organize my life.

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Old 04-17-2008, 12:45 PM
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Hi Lily, I've been thinking about you. You sound great! I know what you mean about the happy times while cleaning through memorable (or for me the not so memorable) stuff! But i think from here on in you will be in a much happier place with that taken care of and now you can focus on your happy life with your daughter.

Thanks for keeping us posted, always happy and grateful to hear from you
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Old 04-17-2008, 02:00 PM
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i need to spring clean so badly...Mostly for emotional reasons but also because the place really needs it !!!
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Old 04-17-2008, 02:52 PM
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Lilyflower, thank you for sharing with us your progress in recovery! I love the "Spring Cleaning"......removing clutter from your home as well as your mind! That's so great!

Keep it up,

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Old 04-17-2008, 03:25 PM
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Lily ((())) you are doing great.

Mair xx
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Old 04-17-2008, 04:29 PM
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Chrrrrrist....I was the alcoholic/addict and apparently "I am the one who had the problem" but I would clean and clean and SHE would come home and in a matter of minutes the place was a wreck again !!!!!! Im not totally blameless for the wreckage but mostly in other ways.
I also did all the cooking and cleanup afterwards......
Life is so much better in my own place and I only have one person to blame if its messy (my cat doenst count cept for the fur balls...)
and she is not here to trash the place on a daily basis........still a mystery to me..
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Old 04-17-2008, 04:49 PM
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Old 04-17-2008, 09:44 PM
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play the tape all the way thru
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Lily you're doing so good!! I'm happy to hear the good news!

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Old 04-19-2008, 11:43 AM
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Thanks everyone for the replies. I can't tell you how good it feels. I get up in the morning and I just feel immediately happy because my space is so serene.

I'm not blaming exabf for the mess that was, I too was responsible for that. This is why I say, I am cleaning my mind too. I've heard alot in the past that your house (space) is a reflection of the state of your mind and I really do think that is true. I was so uninspired and completely lacked any drive to concentrate on my home because my inner self was so low and lacking in sunshine, all I could feel in my heart was a big black space that felt as if it were growing and sucking me in with it. I felt no drive to rescue myself from it, and it crept up on me so gradually I did not even realise it was there until it was a real problem to me.

My home was the same. Feeling so miserable and lacking in motivation because of my inner self, also I was filled with resentment toward exabf for not pitching in, that I became increasingly disillusioned with my space and as time went on, I spent less and less energy on it. I was so drained from all the mental stress within, I couldn't see how my outer world was crumblimg too.

I am so glad I hit my bottom. I couldn't even tell you when it happened. I just know that at some time during the last 12 months or so I did. It has been a difficult journey since then. I feel that I have had inner realisations that have impacted on my outer world. It is like the ripple effect on water. It began in me, and as time passes, my new found joy and inspiration is beginning to grow and expand into all areas of my life.

I love that spring is here, new beginnings and more sunshine. It is so true though that it begins with me!

Love to you all!

Lily xxxxxxxxx
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