angelfromheaven

I am starting a new thread as I did not want to impose my definition of HOPE on Fees thread (new to this sort of situation, functional alcoholic boyfriend ). I am following up on Anvilheads and HBB's comments on Hope.
Me:
HBB
Anvilhead
I still believe that whatever made you or anybody else stop, there was some amount of HOPE somewhere, somewhen to START to action. If one does not HOPE for a positive outcome of any effort why would he do so? Yes you will say that some are forced, by law or whatever to get clean, but still Hope is needed to make one want to stop


Definition of HOPE
1. To wish for something with expectation of its
fulfillment.
2. Archaic To have confidence; trust.
v.tr.
1. To look forward to with confidence or expectation: We hope that our children will be successful.
2. To expect and desire. See Synonyms at expect.
n.
1. A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment.
2. Something that is hoped for or desired: Success is our hope.
3. One that is a source of or reason for hope: the team's only hope for victory.
4. often Hope Christianity The theological virtue defined as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God's help.
5. Archaic Trust; confidence.
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I found below on a webpage speaking about the Definition of and what is needed for RECOVERY (any and in this case mental illness):

Hope

Hope is a desire accompanied by confident expectation. Having a sense of hope is the foundation for ongoing recovery from mental illness. Even the smallest belief that we can get better, as others have, can fuel the recovery process.

Early in the recovery process, it is possible for a treatment provider, friend, and/or family member to carry hope for a consumer. At some point, however, consumers must develop and internalize their own sense of hope.

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I believe that indeed there is much more than HOPE needed to recover but I think only with the desire/hope/trust/optimism, may I add Vision and Faith to recover, one can actually start a successful recovery. And it is so with so many other things, Inventions, Recovery from other Illnesses, Peace and the list goes on...

Again I believe in Actions but only with Hope of a positive outcome somebody will do the needful and get in successful Action mode.

What are your thoughts?

PS FYI I am German was married to a French for years and my English is not perfect, so please excuse my funny way of writing;-)

mallowcup

I have always sensed an element of desperation when hope feels like all we have. To me hope implies turning my situation over to a cosmic chance that "something", will change. Hoping is passive. To me, hope is a refuge for those who lack faith. Faith and hope are not the same thing in my mind.
Faith is not trusting "something", it is trusting God. What comes from faith that doesnt come from hope? Faith changes your mind, changes your path, changes your heart and brings clarity. Faith is not passive. To me, hope is putting my situation out there waiting for change. Faith brings me strength to make those changes myself with confidence.
You are one decision away from a new life.

FormerDoormat

What it is that you hope for? That he will change? Like Denny already pointed out, hope is not a plan. Hope doesn't bring about change. Action does. And I'm not talking about action on HIS part. The action has to come from you.

Faith in a higher power didn't turn my life around. Faith in myself and my abilities did.

hbb

Hope didn't get my exabf sober, hope did not make him go to seek much needed therapy, hope didn't make him not drive drunk, hope did not make him not spend his last dime on beer DAILY, hope did not make him keep his promises, hope did not stop him from cheating on me, hope did not give me an ounce of stability with him, hope didn't pay his rent. I could go on. I could have hoped till i was blue in the face but then that hope looking back now, was denial and avoiding the very red flags.

My hopes were for ME that things would get better. They never did, i no longer hope as for me it's not realistic nor has it really ever been realistic in my situation. I'm an action and factual person now.

Don't get me wrong, it's nice to be hopeful but I ended up disappointed EVERY time so no longer part of my vocab!!

In my opinion, you can hope to win a million dollars playing the lottery everyday but chances are it won't happen.

LaTeeDa

Since I am not a recovering addict, I cannot say what finally made my husband want to do something differently. But, I can say that it was the complete loss of hope for him and our marriage that finally made me want to change. I think my hope was misdirected before. I hoped he would change and everything would turn out as I wanted it to. Now I have hope, but it's more of a general hope. Actually, more like a positive outlook. I don't bank on getting what I hope for anymore. I trust that I will get what I need and I accept that rather than fight and resist in the name of hope.

L

Barbara52

I hope my AH gets into recovery. But in this context, my hope is passive and has no real expectations. I have handed my concerns for AH to God and left it in His hands. But my hopes have nothing to do with whether AH does anything or not.

I hope my recovery continues. In this context, I back that hope up with affirmative actions and self examination to make sure that hope comes to fruitition. It is not passive.

jehnifer

I was just thinking last night that for me HOPE is far more difficult...It creates expectations (of others in my case), and with expectations without an ability to control hope can lead to disappointment and pain when the expectations are not met. For that reason I have decided to try to stay in FAITH rather than HOPE. Because faith tells me that things will happen just as they are supposed to (call it Gods plan), and my hoping for something - which may be different than Gods plan - is a waste of energy. For example - I can hope for my son to not have a slip, but maybe the grand plan involves some more slips in order for him to get to the place he needs to be and go down the path the he is supposed to in order to grow. I can have faith that thiall things happen for a reason - even the slips - and I wll accept them.