1000wishes

I have never used one of these sites before, but I am feeling more and more like I need support. I live miles away from my family in beautiful Bermuda, but I'm scared the next time I speak to my family it will be to hear about how my sister has done something else to further her path of self destruction. We are daughters of a drug addict, and we all have struggled with our own personal demons, but she hasn't seem to found her way back yet. She finally got visitation with her daughter at our mother's house (supervised my our mother or another sister) and while our Mom was here visiting me, she took off the night before she was about to have her daughter, came home incomprehensible and barely standing. Her husband refused to leave the baby with her (understandably), I just don't get it. She was doing well, but everytime it seems that she's turning a corner, she falls even harder into this pit. I am so worried and I can't do anything because I'm not there, not that I could do much if i was there, I don't know, I just am so worried that she is going to lose her daughter and i will lose my sister.

Jwife22

((((wishes))))

Slow down and breath a minute. You already know that nothing you say or do will change your sisters actions. She has to do that on her own. Preventing her from doing that on her own can only further her spiral into addiction. She has to be allowed to fall in order to pick herself back up.

I know it pains you and your family to think that she might lose her daughter BUT even if she does, once she gets on the wagon and straightens her life out, she can ask the courts to reassess the custody/visitation arrangement.

Lastly-you already know that you can control or change her. Have you attended any naranon/alanon meetings? They can help to guide us to what we should be doing, which is taking care of ourselves and teaching us how to be supportive without enabling the addicts in our lives.

(((((wishes))))) Addiction is hard on the family as well as the addict. I'll keep you in my prayers.

hope213

you have come to the right place. welcome to S.R. this site is a sanity saver.keep coming back. there is nothing you can do for your sister. let her fall. the faster & harder she falls the quicker the chances are she will find her way back to a drug free life. it is sad our addicts are the way they r but you can not change a thing, they have to do it for them selves. i will say a prayer for your sister, her children & you.

caileesnana

I have always wondered the same thing, about the time they are getting better, they are gone! Doesn't make sense to me, but I have learned I can't do anything about it anyway. Enjoy your niece, she needs someone to look up to!
susan

Jody Hepler

The up and down of addiction is crazy making for those of us that love them - but they just can't "see" until they can "see".

The pull of addiction is stronger than love for family. Took me a long time to understand that.

Alanon helped me so very much.

Jody

Spiritual Seeker

The sooner the conseq. of her drinking pile up, maybe a "bottom" will lead her to seek sobriety. In the meantime, you can't worry your way into a solution, only stress for yourself. Try to have hope and faith that she will be okay, so that the worrying doesn't
destroy you too.

1000wishes

Thanks to everyone for your responses, my family is now discussing do an intervention, meanwhile iI am busy looking up dual diagnosis centers. has anyone done an intervention before? Any success, any failures? Any words of advice? I have been looking for al anon meetings in my area, but can't seem to find any (I live on a very tiny island) Is it useful if alcohol is not the addiction? Thanks again for all your prayers.

Hangin' In

Welcome 1000 wishes. I'm glad you found this board and I hope you'll stick around and read and post some more. There is so much good info and support on this site, so just make yourself at home.

Regarding intervention, I have no experience with that. But I do know that you should seek the help of a professional who does interventions. They are not to be treated lightly. I don't think there are any guarantees as to whether they work or not.

Please encourage your family to find meetings and attend. Face to face support is so helpful and is a life saver for me. And since you can't find a meeting on Bermuda, you definitely need to be gaining experience, strength and hope from this website, so please stick around.

My prayers for your sister, you and your family,
Hangin' In

lil516

Not much can happen until your sis is ready but there are things you can do to help her get ready....such as letting her fall and letting her experience all of the consequences of the fall....

in my son's case he often had the desire but never the strength to carry it out....in his case intervention helped because getting him to a long term facility put him in a physical spot where he could start the work and then gave him support b/c others were there to keep him doing the work....

only time will tell if he can eventually live on his own and stay drug free (2 years next month!)

it sounds like your niece has a caring dad to raise her while your sister is unable....that is a good thing...hopefully your family can keep contact with the baby and stay a part of her life

my prayers that your sister will one day seek recovery
please try to enjoy the blessings of your own life