fluffyarmpit

me and my fiance have been on a regiment to wein ourselves off of oxycodone, each week dropping down a 20mg pill until finally no more! my dad has all the pills and i get them daily. Well today she called me after staying the night at one of her friends houses who gets perscribed percs, fentanyl, anything you can think of because of a bad lower back... anyways i guess he had liquid oxy, and guess what happened, my gf ended up shooting up 10mg(which means more) I blew a lid and I had to end the conversation with her. her mom got hooked on drugs, her moms sister, I almost broke up with her today because of that. I'm taking my recovery very seriously and she's just like la la la to it all. We fought all day, she kept apologizing and I said you just let me down, my dad down(who has been helping us) my doctor, my nurse for some stupid drug we are trying to get off of. I know I'm right for reacting the way I did, but I just don't know what to do, i'm engaged to her and love her, but I can't do it with one person getting high while i'm sober. I don't know any input would be appreciated... oh and by the way just a lil info, we used to snort about 200mg of oxy in 2hr time period, and we are down to 80mg starting tommorow! I wanna go on methadone or something though because I still get that urge to get high, man this is tough but i can do it. thanks people

ccgirl2

Fluffy, I'm certainly not telling to break up/not break up with her, but you have to remember YOUR recovery comes first. I personally wonder why she stayed with someone with all those drugs in the house. One of the things we have to do is let go of unsafe (to us) people and surround ourselves with clean and sober people.

You've gotta do what you've gotta do to stay sober.

marle

My daughter and her then fiance started their addictions by snorting oxys. Things got pretty bad between them until he finally packed up his stuff, moved home with his parents and got himself clean. That was more than two years ago. He has moved on, is working and still clean and in another relationship where he seems happy. My daughter took up with the crack addict downstairs who is 17 years her senior. She graduated to crack and heroin. Moral of the story: Look out for yourself. If you want to be clean you have to protect yourself even if it means leaving her behind.

Paulie

My now husband and I used together for years. He went into rehab first, I stopped using the same day (no more drugs or money and had to move back with mom) but I did not go into rehab until 2 months later. Long story short, we stayed apart for the first year of recovery to work on ourselves!!!! after we had a year clean we came back together to see if we had more than just a using together relationship. We have been clean now over 12 years, together over 11 and married for 4.

My point is we separated to get clean and then left it up to the universe/god whatever you want to call it to see if we were meant to be together. Take care of you first. If it is meant to be it will happen.

miavin2

someone in active addiction ...in this close proximity...will likely get us to use...before we get them to STOP using... thats been my experience.

If you are as "serious" about your recovery as you say...then do the next right thing for you. If you love this person as you seem to... then maybe you suggest that you meet DAILY at a meeting...around the tables...NOT in the parking lot...or at a restaraunt ...or anywhere else...just at the tables...where you are safe. same after the meeting...hug and say good bye till tomorrow's meeting and walk with someone from the tables with you to your car or bus or whatever...maybe even ride with your sponsor...if you have one...and if you dont...get one...even a temporary sponsor...get some phone numbers of recovering addicts at that meeting your going to today (hint hint )

good luck. stay clean.

fluffyarmpit

well my dad has pretty much been my sponsor, he's not a recovering addict, but he's very smart and understanding. He has looked up information about the drug a lot, and has learned a lot from me from me telling him my experiences. I just couoldn't believe that my fiance would do that, she called me and said oh i did something bad, shot up oxy! I said I gotta go bye, and hung up. I mean I went to my doctor and told him how I was sharing my meds with my fiance because i didn't want to see her suffer, and I told her from the very beginning, if you aren't serious about this, then don't take my meds. She tries to justify it by saying I'm just so lonely and depressed(addiction and depression run in her family on her mothers side)... I said get a ******* job, she hasn't worked in 3 and a half months, she had 14k in the bank, she's down to 7k... I honestly just want to stay away for a while, she stayed somewhere last night. I just feel very betrayed, hurt lied to mostly is what hurts, without your word you're nothing in my eyes. its so tough because we live together, we're engaged, but i don't want this anymore(the drugs or the high) and i think she does, because she always says man i don't even feel anything when we take our 20mg doseage and i'm like we aren't suppose to, we are weining off, not getting high!

bval

Try not to take is so personally, man. Using is what addicts DO.

If we had full control of our minds, emotions, and faculties, we'd never have ended up in the spot we're in in the first place.

Hell, if you'd put yourself in that position, I'd bet anything you'd have had a hard time saying No yourself at the point (which is VERY early) you're at in 'recovery'.

Don't judge her too harshly, and don't take it too personally is my advice. At least she didn't expose you to f***ing up by doing it away from you. And 10mg, even IV, is really not that much compared to what you guys had been doing, is it?

That being said, I have to echo the other's advice here. You have to put your own recovery first. If it means time apart to get clean, so be it. Do it. If she won't get serious about recovery, then you HAVE to be prepared to let her go. I'm sorry to have to say that, but at some point you're going to have to make a choice if she won't get serious about this thing.

Lastly, I strongly urge the both of you to get onto buprenorphine. Last night you (or rather, she) got her first lesson in WHY it's so hard to successfully wean off of oxycontin, aka, your drug of choice. Bupe is a much easier route because it doesn't get you high, and it blocks other opiates from doing so. And making the jump from 80mg a day to bupe is pretty much cake. 24 hours of feeling a little out of sorts, and from then on, you're going to feel like you did before you ever started f***ing around with opiates. I'm talking, AMAZINGLY normal on a day to day basis. No cravings, no sickness, just ... NORMAL. Able to work just fine. I'm telling you man ... you'll make your life a LOT easier.

fluffyarmpit

is buprenorphine suboxone? I judge her because its like you said, I don't think she's taking this serious at all. I honestly want to stay away for a while and see if it hits her then. and 10mgs to me means a lot more in my opinion. I don't know i just want this **** gone, and its like she wants it, i get the feeling sometimes she's taking them not to get better, but to get high. And it pisses me off, her mom used to be a nurse, and got caught stealing liquid morphine and got fired a long time ago, she was shooting it up, and I told her thats the other reason i'm so mad, you want to get married and have kids... then WTF u shooting **** up for

bval

Yes that's the active ingredient in subs.

I understand your frustration in the situation, but again, the point is not to take it personal. Don't let it hurt YOU my friend. If she's not there yet, there's nothing you can do or say that's gonna change the situation. Just ... be an example, that's all you can do, and hope for the best.

I suggest some AA/NA meetings for the both of you. There's just nothing like hearing other addicts stories when it comes to getting your mind in the right place for recovery. Nothing like the support of a group of other people who understand and who have found another way. And best of all, it's free.

miavin2

Fluffy...your dad is not your sponsor...he's your dad. bval - when we say things like "10m's not that much to shoot up campared to what we were using etc" and things like that...well it's just confusing...Im really feeling conflicted reading some of these posts...

seems like a lot of self indulgence and justification to keep using and swimming in the mess....

Iv always been taught that "There is no softer easier way"... Iv always been taught that there is recovery and there is active addiction...now we can get caught up in word games and symantics here ... weening off ...tapering down etc etc ... but come on...we also learned in early recovery about " we try and play chemist / doctor etc etc... when what we're really doing is continuing to use.

now of course before someone goes off on me ..saying " hey withdrawal is no joke " ...well thats true...of course none of us want anyone to suffer being dope sick...it's terrible...but one MUST own up to these vague and dangerous games of trading drugs for drugs...using families and friends for drug police and dispensers...weening and tapering...this is all sounding like ways and means to keep using.

Fluffy...check into a hospital or long term rehab and detox center...stop using with the help of professionals. Let the fog clear...then try to concentrate on yourself...your sobriety...the rest will come...

there a lot of reasons to come to this site ...but there are many more reasons to go to detox center and check in...to meetings in your area...to get a sponsor..to get phone numbers... to seriously accept and embrace the program of NA...and begin to change your life...

with love and concern,

miavin2

fluffyarmpit

um... I know my dad isn't my sponsor, he is my life support, without him I wouldn't be where i'm at today, your post didn't contribute at all. Your post is basically stating that your opinion on how to get off of drugs is correct and everyone else's is wrong. You are the type of person I cannot stand. If you reaad my other post where I laid it all out there and told everyone what happened maybe you'd understand a little better. My doctor recommended this method, so I am taking my doctors medical advice, or maybe you should call my doctor for me and tell him exactly how to cure me. If you want his number I'll be glad to give it to you. There are several different ways of getting off of drugs, and so far, so good for me. if I mistook your post then my apologies, but if not, do me a favor and don't post in my threads again.

SoberRyno

Fluffy,

I was recently in a similar situation. I was dating and living with a girlfriend who is alcoholic and I am a opiate addict. I made the decision to get clean and sober a little over a month ago. I knew I wanted to be sober more than anything, and had to change everything that was associated or enabled me to use. I told my g/f that right now I have to take care of me, my sobriety has to come first. So I talked to her but did not see her, still haven't. I am 34 days sober and loving it. I have told myself not make any big life decision for a while. So if you want to be sober you have to focus 100% on yourself. If she wants to get sober she should focus on herself. Once you have been sober a while you will know what your heart wants, but remeber that you cannot change her. Most importantly there is only one reason that will get and keep you sober, and that is you have get sober for you. As far as getting off the drugs; the detox sucks from oxycontin or any other opiates but it isn't life threatening. If you have insurance I would reccomend a medical detox so that you are at least somewhat comfortable. I now take Suboxone to help the cravings and to block any opiates if I were to relapse. Be very very careful if you choose methadone, I have seen two close friends die on methadone. I reccoment suboxone. Good Luck

fluffyarmpit

sorry I have a bad temper, my psychiatrist just recently wanted to put me on lithium for it.

miavin2

I do think you misunderstood fluffy...but I understand that it made you angry......sorry if I offended you...I meant none of what I said as hurtful...and I am sorry none of it was helpful...I will try and avoid your threads...

peace to you...

keep coming back.

miavin2

fluffyarmpit

thanks for the apologies, just been a rough week/month for me.

Carrie

Sorry man, but this is YOUR opinion. It's ONE opinion, but it's NOT the only way to get clean. Nobody has to quit cold turkey if they choose an alternative. There isn't any gold star for goiing CT, nor is a person who does CT somehow better, stronger or more deserving than a person who chooses to get clean by tapering or using sub. The goal is to get clean. How we choose to get there is a matter of CHOICE.

I don't mean to go off on you, but I am so SICK of the people who have quit opiates CT tell me that I am not "really" off drugs and I'm still really an active user because I chose the subutex route. That makes me very angry. There are tons of MDs who specialize in addiction that will also disagree with you vehemently on quitting via CT. My own doctor wanted to "wean" me off Xanax. When I told him I quit it CT be became very concerned AND I ended up in the ER over it. You can die from stopping benzos like that. As far as opiates I couldn't wean myself off of them. It just wasn't working for me. Dope sickness, cravings, etc...I could not do it. Sub has saved my life. I started at a whopping 20mg per day and stayed on that dose for a month. I "weaned" myself down quicker than my sub doc wanted me to. I am supposed to be at 8mg per day now. I am at 4-6 and try to stay most days closer to 4. Next week it will be 2-4mg per day. The week after that it will be 2mg per day. The week after that I plan on either going to 1mg by cutting my 2mg tabs in half and then stepping off the week after or I will step off at 2mg. My sub doc tells me steppiing off for most people at 2mg isn't all that bad. He said I wouldn't feel great. I would suffer from some WDs, but I've been dope sick many times before when taking 20 10-mg morphiine tabs per DAY and running out for a few days. I am sure the WDs from stepping off of 2mg or even 1mg of sub can't be any where near as bad as that.

For the OP, if you want to wean off the oxys and it's working for you then keep going. I just think you may find it less uncomfortable to get on sub. As BV has stated you just feel amazingly normal on sub. No cravings at all. You don't get high, you just feel normal. I did admittedly have a hard time when I first got on the sub. I didn't feel well at all, especially the first few weeks. The doc thought I needed more sub so he increased my dose from 16 to 20mg. BV suggested that maybe I could just try taking LESS and see how I felt. BV was right. I was actually taking too high of a dose. Sub is a strong med. A lot stronger than I gave it credit for. I cut my dose from the 20mg down to 12mg. I felt MUCH better as soon as I did that. From the 12mg I kept titrating down until I got to where I am now. My sub doc wrote my last script on 3/12 for the 2mg tabs instead of the 8mg tabs I had been taking when I told him I was breaking up the 8mg tabs so I could take less. The month before when I saw him he expected me to be on 16mg, as that's what he wrote for. I didn't tell him I was down to 12mg on that appt. He wrote for 16 per day. (So sue me...I pay one copay regardless of the number of pills so I wanted as many as I could get. they last longer and I pay less in the end) Last appt I did tell him I was on 8mg max per day, often less than that, he was impressed to say the least and asked me if I wanted to go on a maintainence dose of perhaps 6mg per day or if I wanted to just stop altogether. I chose to stop altogether. Hence the taper schedule. Well I am proud to say that I filled the script he wrote me on 3/12 YESTERDAY. I am most definitely taking a lot less and tapering faster than prescribed. It has not been that hard. I don't think much about opiates anymore. It's just not a huge part of my life now. For years before that, opiates were all I thought about. Counting pills, worried about running out, watching my bank account run dry....I was so addicted I didn't think there was any hope for me and constantly thought I'd be better off dead. If I can get off 20 morphine tabs per day or 50 norco a day (whatever I could get my hands on) anyone can get off the drugs. I was that bad.

As for your GF, you really do have to take care of yourself first and foremost. If she refuses to get serious about getting clean, then I would take a good look at your relationship. It's hard enough getting off a drug habit. I don't think I could live with someone who was actively abusing drugs.

Good luck to you and remember, do what works for YOU to get clean. There's no right or wrong way to get there. It only matters that you DO get there.

Carrie

windysan

however you get there.......as long as you get there

Jane63

fluffy, {BTW...I love your SN! It cracks me up!! LOL!}...I agree with what many of the others have said that you have to take care of YOU first and foremost!!

Wishing you the best!
**{HUGS}}
Jane

bval

Sorry to hijack here, but ... Carrie, I'm glad you're doing so well babe!

I stepped off at 2mg, which I'd done for about two weeks, before that it was 4mg for 6 weeks. I'll tell ya, it was pretty rough. It was do-able, but pretty rough going for about 96 hours (days 3-6) there. If I was to do it again, I'd try to get down to 1mg for at least a few weeks. You don't wanna make it *too* easy, otherwise you won't learn your lesson properly (my theory anyway), but to me, getting off at 2mg was a little harder than I'd have liked. In rehab or someplace it'd have been fine, but with just my mommy watching over me, I have to admit, I *almost* failed to make it. I think if you're gonna tough it out on your own, 1mg is a good dose, manageable to get off of on the strength of your own will. Not to give medical advice, but based on my own experience ...

miavin2

Ok I know I said I would try and avoid fluffy's post...what can I say once an addict always an addict.


I gotta say all...I keep reading through my post yesterday looking for the place where I said ..."fluffy YOU GOTTA DO THIS THIS WAY AND NO OTHER".... or

where I said " you should go cold turkey right now "

or as Carrie suggests

" this is the ONLY way "

what I said was

" of course none of us want anyone to suffer being dope sick...it's terrible "

and

" check into a hospital or long term rehab and detox center...stop using with the help of professionals."

which implys a medical doctor who is versed in step down methods and a safe ,continually monitored ,de tox and withdrawal.

lastly you dont have to be sorry Carrie.

Im starting to feel like I need to qualify everything with a prefix of ... or suffix of "Im sorry" its exausting... sheesh ! and I dont want anyone to feel like they need to apologize for something that does not warrant an apology.



I was simply ...honestly and earnestly concerned for fluffy. Im ... sorry ...I guess ? ?

:horse