I finally walked away....
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Posts: 5
I finally walked away....
So after my last post where I explained that on Wednesday night after finding out that my boyfriend had been living in a hotel for a week because he got kicked out of his parents house for stealing money, he got a dui and crashed his car. After I found this out I was willing to give him yet ANOTHER chance, although I said we did need to take a break and couldn't see eachother. Things were going fine and we were talking regularly and discussing boundaries and the future.
On Sunday I received many frantic text messages and calls while I was at my Aunt's house so when I got home around 6 pm I called him. He was hysterically crying and making zero sense. Our call dropped so I tried to call him back. He never answered so I called the hotel asked them to check on him etc. Finally after 4 hours he called me back at 10pm and sounded so messed up I couldn't even understand him. I didnt want to make him more upset so I just told him to drink some water and go to bed and that I loved him.
All day on Monday I was waiting to hear from him but it never happened. I was very worried because in the 1.5 years we have dated I don't think we have ever gone a day without talking, even if he was messed up. So I knew something was very wrong.
Yesterday morning he called me from the hospital letting me know that on Sunday night he was so messed up on alcohol, xanx, and oxy contin that he had fallen (or jumped, he doesnt remember) off of his hotel balcony and a car hit him. He suffered a broken arm and ribs but is relatively fine besides that. The fact that he is even alive is a shock to me because one of my best friends in high school actually died at a party from falling off the balcony. This morified me beyond belief and I am so thankful that he is alive. He also let me know that he had been buying oxys for almost a month and a half, and I had NO idea. I just feel so fooled yet again.
He told me that I needed to move on with my life ( I of course knew this as well ) because none of this was fair to me and that he didn't want to put me through any more. I agreed and we are done for good. I finally realized that this is not what I want for my life AT ALL. I will never again be able to trust him and I will always wonder in the back of my mind if he is using and that's not fair to either of us. Not to mention I am in college and doing very well and on a path to success which I intend on fufilling.
No matter how much I love him and want to go be by his hospital bed side, I know that I cannot. Not just for me but for him. Since I love him, I know I need to let him fall and that I haven't let him do that after everything we have been through because I was always there supporting him. He needs to do this on his own and feel the full consequences of his actions. I just hope that he can make it and that he has a wonderful life somehow. I miss him so much, mostly I just want my best friend back but I know that's not healthy for either of us. It gets easier as the days pass but I feel like there is a little piece of my heart missing. I hope some of you have been through a similar situation (just pertaining to the leaving an addict part) and have any words for me. Also, if anyone can say a little prayer tonight for my ex I would appreciate it very much. Just needed to get this off my chest.
On Sunday I received many frantic text messages and calls while I was at my Aunt's house so when I got home around 6 pm I called him. He was hysterically crying and making zero sense. Our call dropped so I tried to call him back. He never answered so I called the hotel asked them to check on him etc. Finally after 4 hours he called me back at 10pm and sounded so messed up I couldn't even understand him. I didnt want to make him more upset so I just told him to drink some water and go to bed and that I loved him.
All day on Monday I was waiting to hear from him but it never happened. I was very worried because in the 1.5 years we have dated I don't think we have ever gone a day without talking, even if he was messed up. So I knew something was very wrong.
Yesterday morning he called me from the hospital letting me know that on Sunday night he was so messed up on alcohol, xanx, and oxy contin that he had fallen (or jumped, he doesnt remember) off of his hotel balcony and a car hit him. He suffered a broken arm and ribs but is relatively fine besides that. The fact that he is even alive is a shock to me because one of my best friends in high school actually died at a party from falling off the balcony. This morified me beyond belief and I am so thankful that he is alive. He also let me know that he had been buying oxys for almost a month and a half, and I had NO idea. I just feel so fooled yet again.
He told me that I needed to move on with my life ( I of course knew this as well ) because none of this was fair to me and that he didn't want to put me through any more. I agreed and we are done for good. I finally realized that this is not what I want for my life AT ALL. I will never again be able to trust him and I will always wonder in the back of my mind if he is using and that's not fair to either of us. Not to mention I am in college and doing very well and on a path to success which I intend on fufilling.
No matter how much I love him and want to go be by his hospital bed side, I know that I cannot. Not just for me but for him. Since I love him, I know I need to let him fall and that I haven't let him do that after everything we have been through because I was always there supporting him. He needs to do this on his own and feel the full consequences of his actions. I just hope that he can make it and that he has a wonderful life somehow. I miss him so much, mostly I just want my best friend back but I know that's not healthy for either of us. It gets easier as the days pass but I feel like there is a little piece of my heart missing. I hope some of you have been through a similar situation (just pertaining to the leaving an addict part) and have any words for me. Also, if anyone can say a little prayer tonight for my ex I would appreciate it very much. Just needed to get this off my chest.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Hugs and prayers to both of you!
I'm glad that you are realizing that you deserve to have a life without his drama and chaos, and that HE deserves to learn from his consequences. It isn't easy, sometimes it's really hard, but it's the best thing we can do for ourselves and the addicts we love.
Amy
I'm glad that you are realizing that you deserve to have a life without his drama and chaos, and that HE deserves to learn from his consequences. It isn't easy, sometimes it's really hard, but it's the best thing we can do for ourselves and the addicts we love.
Amy
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