Toomutch

Each night for about a week now when 5:00 rolls around I turn into a complete and total bit*h, and it lasts for a couple of hours. I am not really craving all that much, although this is the time I began drinking each day.
I was thinking of going to the gym or a meeting at this time, but my husband thinks that is a bad idea since it is family time. But why on earth would anyone want me around when my mood is so awful?

Just venting AGAIN!!!

Suzette

Anna

LOL! Well, I guess they're hoping your mood will change!

Hopefully, you will be able to break the habit of being cranky at that time of the day. Going to a meeting or to the gym are good ideas and so is spending time with the family. Maybe you can alternate and try to compromise with your husband. Understandably he wants to maintain family time, but hopefully you can do what you need to do to get through the time.

tanyapmc

I have a friend that would start drinking every night at 5pm. Now she goes to a meeting at 5. It's working for her. Maybe you mind is messing with you. It thinks it's "drink time"

myah

Hey Suzette,

I think your idea of hitting a meeting during that time is a great one. Recovery can seem a bit selfish to loved ones at first, but it kinda needs to be. It is a healthy selfish compared to the selfish we are while using, right? A meeting only lasts about an hour, and the person you'll become as a result of going steadily is worth it. Gently reminding your husband of this importance can't hurt. Remind him that without meetings, there is no family, let alone family time...

I realize I'm not saying anything you don't already know... but sometimes we need a reminder. Thats what we're all here for right?

Change4life

Toomuch its 4-8 for me. I have the same problem. Between 4 & 8 I go crazy. Im like a cages animal. totally unsettled. Im not sure why the cravings are so bad then, but I think its because its when I get out of work and the first thing I use to do was get high.

I now use those hours as my practice time. Whether I feel like it or not I take out the guitar and play. It takes my mind off evrything and Im finally getting something done. Ive always played, but with no discipline. Now I can actually remember what I played the day before, lyrics and all.

Meetings are good, but if you have something you like to do but never seem to get around to it you should use the dangerous hours for it. Its very uplifting and clears the spirit to do something you like to do rather than spending all your time on things you need to do.

if you dedicate that time to something you will probably start to associate that time with whatever it is rather than time to use.

give it a try it cant hurt

User_Name

Meetings for me seem to reduce my anxiety, and bring me back "into balance". I'd suggest trying to hit a meeting during these hours. I tend to get cranky when my drinking time rolls around and meetings always even me out. I get centered and my mood usually gets better after a meeting, I seem to be more tolerant after I get home. I wish you the best. If you can't hit a meeting, a walk also seems to help me. Gets my blood flowing and gets my crazy mind off of the drink.

Jules62

It used to be like this for me too-but I got so bad it was-well-anytime I was breathing really-lol.

As others have said-find something you can do at that time that's different.It might be a meeting-it could be as simple as getting out of the house and going for a walk.I have found doing anything physical helps-be it cleaning, walking, gardening...helps.

I understand it's 'family time' but the thing I've really learnt recently is-if I don't take care of my own needs-I am useless to anyone else.And while that may sound selfish-in the long run-it isn't.I'm a better person when I'm aware of what I need and attend to it-and sometimes that means my family has to give me the space to do so.THEN-I can be present and there for them-afterwards.

I wish you well

Jules.

warrens

Suz

Ah, the triggers. Our drinking habits become "ritualized" over time, I think.

My worst time is right before the end of work. It's Pavlovian. I conditioned myself to anticipate the "reward" at that time. That ice cold reward for a grueling day. Every day, without variation.

At 6 weeks, it is only a once/week thing, thank god. I can handle it. I get a SoBe to quench my thirst. Not nearly as good as Ranier Ale, but it is something.

We were selfish in drinking, that behavior that took us down. That behavior that caused us so much shame and need for damage control. Is it so bad to be a bit selfish in this endeavor? I think the damage control will be far less.

As spring approaches, perhaps you can "condition" the family to a new you. They can handle it. Your kids aren't babies anymore; neither is your husband. Many people make life changes every day that don't have anything to do with drinking. They take up jogging, yoga, walking, enroll in school, whatever.

These are the days you worked so hard for anyhow. The day when your family is grown enough to find their own muse. You are still there in every way. It may do everyone good to realize that Mama isn't velcroed to them any more. That she, in fact, has a life and a purpose beyond them. And that not all of your "change" has to do with drinking, but your pursuit of the work in progress that we all are.

Women with families would seem to have some unique challenges with or without recovery as an issue. All the women I've loved are fiercely independent WOMEN. Holy shi* are they! That's no accident, I think, though there are times when I've questioned my sanity. When I wondered why I didn't look for someone who came with a remote. It would have been so much easier. But no, Warren always finds WymeN! Ah, but I like it that way.

Think ten years off, Suzette. What will your family miss and remember? The day that you went to a meeting instead of cooking? Or the sober, whole woman that has been there for ten years?

Peace to you,

warren

Toomutch

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses, I read each and every one with an open mind.

Jules, I think whatever I do during that time needs to be away from the house. For the last 2 days I have tried to remain quite and distant from everyone during my tring hours. But my husband follows me around saying "what's wrong,when I talked to you on the phone today you were so sweet, and now you act like you wish I wouldn't have even come home." I can't seem to get through to him that it's about me. I am hurting, I am angry, I am scared. How can I make him understand?

Warren's,
You are right, I doubt my children are going to remember if I am gone from the house on occassion. It would be more likely that they would remember this foul mood.

Once again thank you all for you perspectives on this matter.

Suzette

Jomey

Hi Suzette - I can relate to what you are experiencing. I too had cravings around certain hours, pretty much the same as yours, yet that was when I was expected to be at the height of "mommying" for the day (3 kids under 12)...dinner, homework, after school activities, etc. My husband is a cop, so he is not always working the usual 9-5 so there have been times when I had to make it through that time, doing what needed done.

However, there have been plenty of times when my husband is home that I say, here are your beautiful children, enjoy the evening with them, and head out to ride my horse. Or called my mother in law and did the same thing! I was so scared in the beginning about "abandoning my family", etc. that it was hard to make myself step away. But as I believe Warren said, it has resulted in my whole family (and me) having more respect for me as a woman - not just a mommy/wife robot.

My husband was so relieved that I stopped drinking that he never questioned what I told him I needed for recovery. I wish I had some words to help you explain to your husband. Maybe let him read this thread?

I am rootin for ya, girl. I know exactly how you feel! Keep in touch! Jomey