hbb

got MARRIED this weekend????? Yup, J! Guess he has his stuff together so much that that was the right move to make while owning your ex ALOT still! I know that was the agreement we had but gosh how about at least trying to have one of his family members help him out to cut our ties or assure me of a plan. Oh well, i don't even have a single tear....as my roommate says, they should be tears of joy that it's not me in their situation!

On a good note, yup for once i have one lol!! I've been writing with a nice guy on Match.com for a week or so and tonight we talked on the phone for 1-1/2 hours and laughed the WHOLE time. But i definitely am being cautious to keep things in perspective with anyone new. We are going out next week. I think that God works in mysterious good ways sometimes because that great conversation with him happened just before i got home to the other crappy news!

Maybe i should send the lovely couple a card but instead of sending money, asking for money lol!!!

This thread is basically just a vent session i so desperately need right this second. Thank God for therapist tomorrow uggghhh when did life become so difficult to handle??

MsGolightly

holy moly! that was fast!

well... who knows how long it will last anyway. thank your stars that it wasn't you walking down that aisle! i feel bad for both him and his "wife", and i don't even know them! heather, i'm SO glad you're more sane than that.

and good going on the match.com guy! fate works in mysterious ways sometimes!

lexusgirl

I don't know a lot about your story Heather, but if he's an A consider yourself lucky it wasn't you..

My ex exabf (yes this is my second break up from an A boyfriend ) just got married last month, and I guess he still is drinking heavily and his wife has 5 kids and shes not that old. I feel for her and her kids to have to be living a life with him.

Anyway sounds like the news is somewhat bittersweet.

I can tell by your post that you're really a compassionate and caring person, you deserve and will someday find so much more!!

splendra

((((hbb)))

I think you have grown a lot. Know that there are plenty of men out there but, only one you.

Take your time getting to know someone don't let anyone put the rush on you to become too intimate too soon. A good man respects a woman that does not leap too soon.

You need yourself more than you need someone else. Never forget where you have been and how you got there.

LaTeeDa

It warms my heart to see that your sense of humor is alive and well even in trying times. I remember when you wouldn't have been able to muster a laugh under the circumstances.

Recovery looks good on you Heather.

L

prodigal

(((hbb))) so good to hear from you! You sound great! Let us know how it goes on your date.

carolineb

I'm not 100% clear on the timing of your breakup, but having somewhat of a memory of your posts........geez that was fast!!

Another good example of how needy alcoholics are. He found someone else to suck the life out of and this woman is apparently not wise enough to run.

Best wishes to their unhappy life. That's a guarantee. You, on the other hand, hbb.....have a second chance!!! Yeah you!!

Lilyflower

(((Heather))) he doesn't waste any time does he? I feel for her, she must have pretty low self esteem to want to marry him. Didn't he originally finish with her? Perhaps the tought is 'well we have a baby together...' poor woman!

I am thrilled for you though, you seem so jolly despite the news which is great! You are obviously coming on leaps and bounds in recovery! Good luck on your date and have lots of fun.

Lots of love
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hbb

He married his exgf that he had been with a while but had been broken up for 2 years, then he cheated in July on me with her, bing bang boom, she got pregnant and married but April....sounds stable. Funny how fast that happens when they were together for 8 miserable years before, never married or got pregnant That poor child is all i have to say.

I'll get the last laugh i'm sure of that!!


Lily~ she left him apparently as he was heavily drinking and she was doing drugs. I don't feel bad for either one of them to be completely honest with you! They deserve each other, and like you said, they probably figured this is as good as it gets, we are having a kid so we mise well get married.....instead of being logical, getting their crap together and sorted out THEN talk marriage! Oh well, they can have each others problems and she can deal with possible if not already relapse!

Rella927

Love this!

Heather you are shining! I can see it!

Proud of you-and wish you nothing but happiness from here on out! Keep us posted on this guy! We need to approve you know

Astro

Wow Heather, he sure moves fast! Amazing how quickly some people can fill a hole in their lives with another hostage/victim. I'm just glad it wasn't you!

sailorjohn

My ex abpgf was delighted to tell me, during our last split around xmas, that she was 'moving on' with her life and she had met several 'wonderful' men online. I mentioned that I didn't think I was ready for dating myself, didn't go into any reasons, would have been pointless in any event. After we got back together after the holidays, I had the satisfaction of discovering that she treated these guys the same way she treated me, which was somewhat consoling, I know we tend to take the disease personally.

At some point during our relationship I had the revelation that I was attracted to women that tended to treat me badly, and treated women badly when they treated me well. Probably something I learned from my Mom, who happens to be bipolar. I think overall the unhealthiest were the women that I was most strongly attracted to, and I also discovered that I can pick up on something that these women do, maybe the way they walk or carry themselves, not sure what it is, but it's almost like radar.

They assure me that if I start taking care of myself at some point I will be attracted to AND attract healthy individuals, for intimate and non-intimate reltionships. For now, best to sit back and start looking at myself. Good Luck.

hbb

As time has gone on and my head has cleared from all the chaos and mess this is exactly the case. You hit the nail on the head. I truly think now looking back that i had my future too promising and on track for him. If he was back with her she would accept his way of life. I think he knew i wanted possitive things in life that he could NEVER give me. From his friends input, she is a clone to him, wants nothing for a future and is a step below him and that may make him feel better.

I absolutely believe that he was the type to be attracted to unhealthy and downright mean girls that treated him badly. Maybe that's why his WHOLE family grasped to me and treated me like gold. And why his father made comments to him that i was the first girl he dated that he really really liked because i was personable and very likeable.

My self esteem is definately getting better each day and like i said before, just having the conversation i had last night proved that life does not end with J.

****Sidenote to LaTee.....you will be happy to know that the new one i'm talking to is Scott so i got away from the bad luck "J" names lol!!!!!!!

FormerDoormat

Humm, I guess "J" stood for "jerk." I feel sorry for the woman who is stuck with him now. Maybe she'll become the newest member of SR and you two can become friends--just kidding.

hbb

FD ~ lol, among a few other words that i'd love to use!! Want to hear the truth of her, she was 2 years ahead of me in high school, was nice to me and even ran into me the June before he and i started dating. Hey listen, i'm realistic, if he never got over her what can i really say....i just think i deserve the truth, respect and the decency that he break things off with me instead of throwing cheating and lying into the mix but hey that's him!! Oh and she is a twin so there are two of her lurking in the world, those sorry bastards they end up with!!

really_fed_up

Hi H,

You are great for keeping your sense of humor in all of this...and as everyone else has said, be glad it isn't you!
Good for you for doing match.com, too...even if it leads to nothing it's good to get out there and meet people and have a laugh with them. My story--met my husband online; we began by laughing for hours on the phone, too, so you never know...just proceed with caution, which I'm sure you're already doing.

Hugs