Help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UTAH
Posts: 4
Help
I seriously have no idea how to ******* say this.
Its my first post and I feel like I should introduce myself but we will save that for later.
I have been in relapse mode for the past 6 months and now im at my very end. I have been using coke and heroin for the last month. I told myself it was ok because I was only smoking it, not shooting it up like I was. Well it happened, and im shooting it up agian. This has to stop but I dont know where to start.
Its my first post and I feel like I should introduce myself but we will save that for later.
I have been in relapse mode for the past 6 months and now im at my very end. I have been using coke and heroin for the last month. I told myself it was ok because I was only smoking it, not shooting it up like I was. Well it happened, and im shooting it up agian. This has to stop but I dont know where to start.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 533
For some, NA meetings and being around others in the same situation helps. I know you said you have relapsed but it isn't too late to stop now and pick yourself back up!
Welcome to the boards and keep posting. How are you doing today?
ETA: Same situation AT the meetings is what I mean.
Welcome to the boards and keep posting. How are you doing today?
ETA: Same situation AT the meetings is what I mean.
Last edited by TiredMama; 03-25-2008 at 06:54 AM. Reason: CLARIFY
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Berea,Ohio
Posts: 397
You need to walk away from the life you are living, otherwise you will die.You need to change everything in your life, and start by getting outside help.You only know that what you are doing is numbing you, you need to get outside assistance to truly recover.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UTAH
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by TiredMama 
For some, NA meetings and being around others in the same situation helps. I know you said you have relapsed but it isn't too late to stop now and pick yourself back up!
Welcome to the boards and keep posting. How are you doing today?
ETA: Same situation AT the meetings is what I mean.
Welcome to the boards and keep posting. How are you doing today?
ETA: Same situation AT the meetings is what I mean.
I dont know what to do. I call it a replase because I was clean for a long time and I started slipping. Now im back and square one. Its like I just opened an old door and now I have to choose whether or not I want to walk through it agian. Will one last time hurt? I want to do it noe last time and get the craving over with and know its do the last time ill ever do it agian.
I know its a ****** way of thinking but im lost.
Silly Rabbit
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 956
"one last time"
fateful last words for many an addict. watch out - a lot of people share that thought and end up in jail, institutions, or dead. if i were you, i'd skip my "one last time" and check out treatment center options, NA meetings, and IOP programs.
good luck, whatever decision you choose. i hope you find the joy of recovery soon.
fateful last words for many an addict. watch out - a lot of people share that thought and end up in jail, institutions, or dead. if i were you, i'd skip my "one last time" and check out treatment center options, NA meetings, and IOP programs.
good luck, whatever decision you choose. i hope you find the joy of recovery soon.
Mr.MeToo?
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: East Coast to the Deep South
Posts: 828
the craving is just going to get even stronger if you decide to get high today man. Fight it now instead of fighting a bigger more intense one later on after getting high "just one more time".
Dont numb life out man, i numbed out my life for over 2 years, Feel it in bad and good.
Dont numb life out man, i numbed out my life for over 2 years, Feel it in bad and good.
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
Im doing ok. I have a 10 pack of needles in my car and I want to go up to the city and just do it one last time.
One last time, may be death for you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 384
Originally Posted by intereo
Im doing ok. I have a 10 pack of needles in my car and I want to go up to the city and just do it one last time.
I want to do it noe last time and get the craving over with and know its do the last time ill ever do it agian.
I know its a ****** way of thinking but im lost.
I know its a ****** way of thinking but im lost.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UTAH
Posts: 4
I dont even know if I should be posting here because im not in recovery. Im in a really big relapse and my posts are probably just making people fiend.
Im just not sure where to go yet. For the record I did end up using. My "last time" turned out to have another "last time" and looks like ill be high all day. I have a gameplan but I haven't put it into action yet..
My plan is to start going to golds gym and working out 3-4 times a week
Start taking prozac to stabalize my mood
Cut off all old friends
Seek outside help(na, counselor, etc)
I have already cut off alot of old friends. People text and called me about drugs and I let them know that I want to be clean. My problem is I haven't been able to cut one of my friends loose and he is the one who is encouraging me to do black&white. I know I need to quit for myself and my family. But im just dragging this relapse out.
Im also not sure what to do about outside help. Inpaitent rehab isnt an option because I have a daughter and a fiance to support. Im also going to college full time. I know I would benefit most from inpaitent rehab right now but its honestly not an option.
I have so many things to say.. I dont know how to say them, who to say them too. Thanks for listening guys.
Im just not sure where to go yet. For the record I did end up using. My "last time" turned out to have another "last time" and looks like ill be high all day. I have a gameplan but I haven't put it into action yet..
My plan is to start going to golds gym and working out 3-4 times a week
Start taking prozac to stabalize my mood
Cut off all old friends
Seek outside help(na, counselor, etc)
I have already cut off alot of old friends. People text and called me about drugs and I let them know that I want to be clean. My problem is I haven't been able to cut one of my friends loose and he is the one who is encouraging me to do black&white. I know I need to quit for myself and my family. But im just dragging this relapse out.
Im also not sure what to do about outside help. Inpaitent rehab isnt an option because I have a daughter and a fiance to support. Im also going to college full time. I know I would benefit most from inpaitent rehab right now but its honestly not an option.
I have so many things to say.. I dont know how to say them, who to say them too. Thanks for listening guys.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Gatlinburg, TN
Posts: 244
I second Hairgirl's post.
WTH is a black and white?
It can take some time to see your way clear to start recovery. My first hint was when I was doing my DOC just to feel normal. The "fun" was gone. Pretty soon the stern went under then I could barely keep the nose up. But, you are here talking about it, so something must be going on.
Many of us here had to abandon our drugged lifestyles to make the break. I wish it wasnt' like that but it is. To get free of this, you'll prolly have to give power over to someone else and abandon the life you are leading now, on account of it isn't real.
WTH is a black and white?
It can take some time to see your way clear to start recovery. My first hint was when I was doing my DOC just to feel normal. The "fun" was gone. Pretty soon the stern went under then I could barely keep the nose up. But, you are here talking about it, so something must be going on.
Many of us here had to abandon our drugged lifestyles to make the break. I wish it wasnt' like that but it is. To get free of this, you'll prolly have to give power over to someone else and abandon the life you are leading now, on account of it isn't real.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UTAH
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Brewster
I second Hairgirl's post.
WTH is a black and white?
It can take some time to see your way clear to start recovery. My first hint was when I was doing my DOC just to feel normal. The "fun" was gone. Pretty soon the stern went under then I could barely keep the nose up. But, you are here talking about it, so something must be going on.
Many of us here had to abandon our drugged lifestyles to make the break. I wish it wasnt' like that but it is. To get free of this, you'll prolly have to give power over to someone else and abandon the life you are leading now, on account of it isn't real.
WTH is a black and white?
It can take some time to see your way clear to start recovery. My first hint was when I was doing my DOC just to feel normal. The "fun" was gone. Pretty soon the stern went under then I could barely keep the nose up. But, you are here talking about it, so something must be going on.
Many of us here had to abandon our drugged lifestyles to make the break. I wish it wasnt' like that but it is. To get free of this, you'll prolly have to give power over to someone else and abandon the life you are leading now, on account of it isn't real.
Thanks for you help guys. I cant wait to fall asleep so I can wake up sober. I really think I am going to do it this time. I have already found a meeting I am going to attend on a regular basis and I have some other things I am going to put into place.
I hopefully be posting more in the future.
Dopeless Hope Fiend
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: anchorage Alaska
Posts: 2,741
ah ....my friend ..
the treachorous road you travel...things must be feeling pretty insane for you right now. I used speedballs too and I know how crazy they make you...
Your "plan" sounds just great......unfortunately...your best thinking got you here...you should let someone else do your thinking for you for awhile...
I try not to plan out thiings in my recovery a whole lot....if I stay clean and sober just this ONE DAY.....
I know that if I don't keep the needle out of my arm..I don't stand a chance..
thinking of you....I hope your bottom hits ya soon so you can be there for your daughter...
love belle
the treachorous road you travel...things must be feeling pretty insane for you right now. I used speedballs too and I know how crazy they make you...
Your "plan" sounds just great......unfortunately...your best thinking got you here...you should let someone else do your thinking for you for awhile...
I try not to plan out thiings in my recovery a whole lot....if I stay clean and sober just this ONE DAY.....
I know that if I don't keep the needle out of my arm..I don't stand a chance..
thinking of you....I hope your bottom hits ya soon so you can be there for your daughter...
love belle
Waiting For Engines
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: brooklyn, new york
Posts: 572
Originally Posted by intereo
I dont even know if I should be posting here because im not in recovery. Im in a really big relapse and my posts are probably just making people fiend.
Im just not sure where to go yet. For the record I did end up using. My "last time" turned out to have another "last time" and looks like ill be high all day. I have a gameplan but I haven't put it into action yet..
My plan is to start going to golds gym and working out 3-4 times a week
Start taking prozac to stabalize my mood
Cut off all old friends
Seek outside help(na, counselor, etc)
I have already cut off alot of old friends. People text and called me about drugs and I let them know that I want to be clean. My problem is I haven't been able to cut one of my friends loose and he is the one who is encouraging me to do black&white. I know I need to quit for myself and my family. But im just dragging this relapse out.
Im also not sure what to do about outside help. Inpaitent rehab isnt an option because I have a daughter and a fiance to support. Im also going to college full time. I know I would benefit most from inpaitent rehab right now but its honestly not an option.
I have so many things to say.. I dont know how to say them, who to say them too. Thanks for listening guys.
Im just not sure where to go yet. For the record I did end up using. My "last time" turned out to have another "last time" and looks like ill be high all day. I have a gameplan but I haven't put it into action yet..
My plan is to start going to golds gym and working out 3-4 times a week
Start taking prozac to stabalize my mood
Cut off all old friends
Seek outside help(na, counselor, etc)
I have already cut off alot of old friends. People text and called me about drugs and I let them know that I want to be clean. My problem is I haven't been able to cut one of my friends loose and he is the one who is encouraging me to do black&white. I know I need to quit for myself and my family. But im just dragging this relapse out.
Im also not sure what to do about outside help. Inpaitent rehab isnt an option because I have a daughter and a fiance to support. Im also going to college full time. I know I would benefit most from inpaitent rehab right now but its honestly not an option.
I have so many things to say.. I dont know how to say them, who to say them too. Thanks for listening guys.
Welcome to the forum and you should be posting here, in my humble opinion. I need to comment on your "plan".
NA and getting a sponsor is last on the list. Your disease has you 100% now and you have truly not hit rock bottom yet, for if you believe that you are goin to make up your own "List" and the first thing on it is your "decision" to take Prozac.
I wish you the best, but you are playing
Last edited by ksos; 03-29-2008 at 10:14 PM. Reason: No Idea....
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