really_fed_up

So...one other thing; I really, really thought I was going to go to Al Anon the other night--I'd been to one before and thought it was okay, and then I decided to go to a beginner's meeting--but I couldn't do it; I got scared, I don't know why.

Anyone else ever felt this?

karmakoma

The prospect of change is scary.

Once the idea of maintaining the status quo was scarier I went and never looked back. That said, al-anon is not the only answer and I found my counsellor to be equally, if not more, useful. Al-anon is cheaper, tho!

What's the worst that could happen?

DMPA

yes...i actually walked in, sat down and walked back out. i want to go back so bad because i really feel it's what i need at this point. just can't get up the courage to go. i have a bunch of excuses but no real reason for the fear.

Barbara52

Think about how good it will feel to face your fears and get past them.

lexusgirl

I haven't been to an Al Anon meeting for a few years. When I did go, I cried every single time and felt like I missed my exabf more after the meeting. Not sure why?

karmakoma

DMPA - there IS a reason behind your fear. The trick is to see if there is a logical reason. Classic CBT - see if there is any evidence to back up the thought. If not, create a new thought.

MoodGYM: Welcome is a great resource for challenging "warpy" thoughts.

really_fed_up

Thanks for the CBT tip...I have an anxiety disorder, so I know that sometimes maximizes my fear...but I have to keep CBT in mind!

karmakoma

Oh and I know I have to guard against using the word "couldn't" when I really mean "wouldn't".

karmakoma

RFU - here's another link althogh I haven't fully explored it yet. Have heard good reviews tho.

Also REBT resources for the general public The site is a bit clnky but the information is invaluable.

Kindeyes

Yes. I was afraid...embarrassed.....hurting.....and I had tears streaming down my face. I couldn't talk. It wasn't a good feeling initially. Interesting......I imagine it's the same for the alcoholic the first time they go to a meeting.

gentle hugs

hbb

It is a hard thing to do. I walked through those doors beyond a wreck/crying.

Probably one of the best things i ever did for ME.

That first meeting lead to going through the steps, meeting others like me and finding a wonderful therapist that has been 8 years coming.

It's worth a try!

abcdefg

i cried in almost every al-anon meeting for an entire year. when i wasn't crying, i was usually spewing rage. and i went to 11 meetings a week the first three months of my program.

i was so desperate. people were kind to me. i was too scared to share certain things. so i didn't. now i know that they weren't judging me. they were smiling and nodding as i spoke (sometimes they even laughed) because they had done some of the exact things I was "confessing."

also, it can be really scary to step in there because if you know you need it, you're already admitting life is unmanageable. that's a big step out of denial and it can be a doozy.

be kind to yourself. you're doing the best you can and it is enough. you can try again another day if you want to.

al-anon has helped me SO much. i know it works. but there are many ways to heal and recover in this life. this is the main one that has truly brought me to sanity and serenity but whatever works is great. you deserve to feel good about yourself.

utopia

we have an aa alanon convention coming up and the idea filled me with many feelings, anger, rage, resentment, fear, panic, grief. and i didnt feel i was going to be able to handle the rising panic at the thought of going. i brought it up after a meeting with some alanon friends and they ave me a program and let me decide...powerlesss, unmanageable....decided to go for one day......think it challenges me to my core, my beliefs, shakes me to my foundation and causes my consciousness to permanently be shifted. think that would make one a little apprhensive, but the closer it gets the more im hoping this is the tunnel through a quagmire of emotions will lead to a clearer lighter place. peace

cagefree

Yes Fed Up - I felt that way and sometimes still do.

When I first went I thought others were going to look down on me because my boyfriend at the time was not drinking and their problems were so much worse...at the time I didn't get that I was going for me and not him.

Now when I feel anxious about going it's because I think I'll be judged and I'm typically having a codie relapse of some sort - which makes it all the more important for me to go

Rella927

Yup...normal feeling-I sat in the car in the parking lot and cried was in fear and angry that I had to go and I was not the one with the drinking problem!

Low and behold I walked through those doors almost 2 years ago-and after a few meetings and finding the right one-I sat and did not share for awhile but rather listened and actually came to realize that I was the one with my own problems!

What you are feeling is normal-but just like SR they all once walked through the same door feeling the same way. My group makes me feel very comfortable and loved....just like SR! When I first came to SR I was hurt and felt a lot of anguish when I posted about what was hurting me and I got posts back that felt so harsh-that I did not come in here for so long-then I realized those posts were just trying to help me see what I was doing to ME!

"Take what you like and leave the rest-" Al-Anon has taught me that the only person that I need to be concerned about is me!

Wishing you comfort and hope that you will give it another chance....for YOU!

Peace is a wonderful thing!