lexusgirl

I'm going to turn to you all again on another topic, as you all are so straight up and honest with me.

I have met a few really great people through my exabf. I guess I have bonded with them somewhat because I don't have my Mom in my life anymore. One of which is his Mom, and the other is his best friend's Mom who knows him very well as she took him in when he was 15 and had no where to live. Is this going to make it more difficult for me later on down the road if I chose to stay in contact and associate with these people? I wonder if we will share the same bond or not if he is out of the picture? Maybe they will both turn their backs on me knowing I have decided to leave him? There is a lot of what ifs...

And lastly, is it fair of me to stay in contact with his family if we are no longer together? I know he would be extremely angry if I were to, but this isn't about him.

LaTeeDa

My in-laws stayed in contact with me for as long as they thought there was a chance we would get back together. Now I don't exist to them except when they go through me to contact my children. (which is rare, they usually go through their father) I think it's unfair to try and maintain a relationship with someone close to your ex. Almost like asking them to split their loyalty. If they wish to maintain contact with you, they will initiate it. Otherwise, I wouldn't push it.

JMO,
L

denny57

There are a lot of emotions involved with ending a relationship. I found over time as I moved forward in my own life I didn't feel the need to keep an attachment to my in-laws. It was difficult at first; I was extremely close to my brother-in-law. We exchanged notes and cards for a little while after AH and I split, but that has faded. Today, if I ran into any of them, it would be fine, but I don't feel the need or desire to pursue it.

Change can be scary - but risk taking has always brought me joy.

Good luck!

Barbara52

When my first marriage ended, I had hoped to continue my relationships with my inlaws and my ex's brothers' families. I was told to stay away from them by my ex first and they all gradually cut me out of their lives. The almost 18 year relationships with all of his family was throw away for a variety of reasons on all sides I guess. On the rare occassions I ahve run into any of them, we've been cordial but distant.

DESIGNER

I think that a relationship with the ex's family is ok....to a certain extent. My exabf's mom loved me and said that I was the daughter that she never had(she has 3 boys). She is very sad about all of this and so she asked if she could keep in contact with me from time to time through email. I am ok with that. Email will probably be as far as it goes though.

I also talk with his sister-in-law from time to time who has told me to not get back with the xabf if he is still drinking. She was really sad to see me go also. My relationship will probably be a little more since we go to the same church and so I will be seeing her from time to time.

Basically it is what you can handle.

really_fed_up

Hi Lexus,

I haven't personally experienced this, but I imagine it might be awkward...do what you feel is right. Hugs..
8

lexusgirl

Thank you for your great replies

I talked to his Mom yesterday. She is remarried; her and her husband travel to where it's warm during the winter months, so I haven't seen her since December.

Sorta filled her in about my plans to move out, she is also comforting to talk to regarding the situation. She is worried about her son and I feel bad that I told her about the situation. She has never been an enabler and he favors his Dad for this reason.

Overall she is really a fun, spunky, personable person. Someone that I hope can remain in my life after this is all said and done.

karmakoma

I had a great relationship with the families of all my exs. However, it was really only in the context of the relationship with the ex whilst we were still together. I still exchange Xmas cards with one set of parents and speak to them on the phone once in a blue moon, however all the rest of the friendships died a little while after the relationships themselves did. And I am glad they did. The alternative contains way too much pain and drama for my liking, addiction or no addiction.

hbb

Hi there!

I have been struggling with this for the past several months. I haven't known what to do either. My exabf's mother and i became VERY close friends. To this day she still forwards me joke emails and on occasion she personally emails me. It's so hard because i feel like i HAVE to seperate myself from everyone on his end for MY own sanity.

J's sister-in-law passed away due to drugs back in October and his mother called me at work to tell me so i didn't see it in the paper (which i thought was really nice of her). However, i sent a card and decided that it wouldn't be ok for ME to go to the wake or funeral.

Just today i got emails from her and I'm not going to lie, there is a big part of me that smiles when i see them from her knowing how much she loved/loves me. I know it's not right and need to block her from my email but it's hard. I know how you feel, not knowing what to do.

Personally, i think its much harder to stay in contact emotionally. We were never married and didn't have children to have to keep in contact. I make a good friend in her but i'm not strong enough to remain close to her.

Mair

The saying "Blood is thicker than water" runs true in my situation.

Mair xx

AWEDA

I stayed in contact with my sister in law and it came back to bite me in the butt. She was using our conversations to find out what my plans wereso she could report back to AH to use against me. It hurt as I did trust her,now I trust NO ONE in his family.Be careful,as blood truly is thicker water.

MsGolightly

i don't see a problem staying in contact as long as you feel good about it. the one guideline i would make if i was in your situation, though, would be to NOT talk about your ex at all. i would tell his family that you want to keep in touch and maintain your relationship, but that you don't want to hear about him or what he's doing, and you won't mention him either. if you still have things to talk about, i see no problem keeping in contact.