Starr

I was working outside raking the yard. He came home, walked in house, walked back outside and wiped some dog p--p off his shoe on a tree. Then left. I walked in the house. There was dog p--p tracked up the steps, into the entry way, across the carpet in the living room, thru the kitchen, into his bedroom, back thru the kit., to the couch in the living room, and back out doors.

I cleaned it up, mopped the floor, picked up his mess in the living room, moved furniture, shampooed the carpet and cleaned the porch and steps. Took all morning.

I sat down to have a cup of tea. Thinking now I can get back out and finish raking the lawn. He comes home, walks in the house. I ask if he can check his shoes for dog p--p as I just finished shampooing the carpet. He continues across the carpet. Sits on couch. I ask again. He reaches down and takes off shoes (with a grunt and glare) It is covered in gooey, yucky, P--p, Then sits it p--p side down on the freshly shampooed carpet! I say again I just shampooed the carpet. He then turns it on the side with yuck still tuching carpet. And is snoring in moments. I pick them up and put on a paper by the door. Feeling so angry. I went for a bike ride and rode hard for 2 hours till dark. Feeling like he just rubbed my nose in it. I could have just left it, but he really doesn't care about anything other than his beer and cigerettes anymore and I would have to live with it and it deffenetly bothers me!

Sorry know this is disgusting but I just needed to tell someone.

Barbara52

So why are you cleaning up his messes? I recognize it sure would be hard to ignore dog poo all over but he is capable of cleaning you know.

denny57

I'm sorry to hear it.

I did learn that if I cleaned up the poop someone else dragged in (and I did it figuratively for years though we didn't own a dog) the poop would keep coming. I had to decide if I wanted to be doing that for the rest of my life; I did not.

((()))

really_fed_up

REALLLY nice (read sarcastically). Good for you for bike riding to vent your frustration. Can you change the locks now?

lexusgirl

Not only that but if he knows you have a problem with it why not set some boundaries, if he fails at them, he needs to be responsible and if not there are consequences to pay.

laurie6781

You have much more RESTRAINT than I do.

I would have taken those shoes outside, and used the hose on them to really clean all the p--p off and get them really SOAKING WET. Then I would have let them sit outside, knowing full well the next time he put them on, they would be out of shape and still WET.

Then again, once he was out the door I would probably change the locks, lol but that's just me.

Like others on here, it took me some time to get to that point and realize i was worth a lot more than letting myself be walked all over by an alkie and/or addict.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

lexusgirl

I wanted to say that as well...I probably would have smeared the dog shi* all over his clothes

LaTeeDa

You don't have to live with anything. My life changed dramatically when I admitted that I was choosing to live with all the "crap." From there, the next logical step was to make a different choice. I don't mean to make it sound easy, because it certainly wasn't. When I tell myself I don't have any choice, I am playing the victim role. It's scary to admit I have choices because then I might have to actually do something about the state of my situation.

L

wooforever

I give you credit for not losing it right then and there.

I would of took the p--hed shoes and lied them on his lap while he slept. Or took on of his shirts and cleaned up the mess with stuff.

I would change the locks next time he leaves. YOu should not have to clean up his mess or live like that.

Kindeyes

Wow......this dog poop post really is a great representation of the "poop" we deal with living with alcoholics.

Do we really want to continue cleaning up their "poop"?

If we do clean up their "poop", is it reasonable to expect that they'll stop?

"Poop" is poop no matter how you look at it.

"Poop" stinks.

I'm loving the whole "poop" thing........it really hits the alcoholic nail right on the head. And "poop" is such a funny word.

I know that this isn't funny and I bet you're frustrated as heck (I would be too). But it wasn't until I stopped taking care of my A son's "poop" that things got better for ME!

gentle hugs

Barbara52

The poop often hits the fan before we realize just how deep the poop has gotten and that its sticking to us.

Starr

...and if I did any of these things suggested that I do, I pay the consequences of his anger. I fear his anger. My first instict was to just leave it and throw a fit when he came back or call his cell and tell him he needs to do something about this. If I left it for him, he'd never clean it up, he really doesn't care or maybe just wipe a spot or two. Then he'd be angry and life would be even more miserable than now. He's home gotta get off internett.

Barbara52

I am sorry you are living in fear. Perhaps you can call your local abuse hotline and get some help to get out of your situation.

FormerDoormat

No doubt about it; the whole situation just stinks. I believe there's a new air freshener on the market that's guaranteed to eliminate the foul emissions that alcoholics emit. It's called "Oust," which I believe is German for "get the heck out of my house." I have a partial can left. It was very effective. It's yours if you want it.

laurie6781

What you have just described is ABUSE, be it physical or mental or emotional. As suggested above, PLEASE call the nearest Domestic Violence Shelter. They have people and councilors that can help you NOW. His anger episodes and lashing out will only get worse while he is still drinking, not better.

Please make that call.

Also, keep posting when you can and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

Wascally Wabbit

Have you tried rubbing his nose in it?

WantsOut

Starr, everyone's a wiseass when they aren't in the situation and I'm sure it does nothing for your self esteem to hear how easily others claim they would handle things.

One thing that is true is that you are afraid of him. You don't have to be an adult living in fear. You can find help and get out of that situation, but it has to eminate from you and your inner strength. You don't feel like he respects your or gives a rat's ass about you. He ***** all over everything figuratively and literally.

You don't have to go through a big confrontation. You can slip away to someplace safe and never see him again if you really want to.

Adults should not have to sneak to use the internet. Wouldn't it feel good to be free?

Kindeyes

Starr
I apologize if I sounded flippant in my earlier post. My heart goes out to you if you are living in fear of this man. If he is prone to angry outbursts (which many alcoholics are) or violence, it can be a very dangerous situation. Please protect yourself and be safe. None of us know enough about your situation to tell you what to do. Many of us are in different stages of our own recovery or our situations with the alcoholics/addicts in our lives may be very different from your own. Please know that life doesn't have to lived in fear or picking up the messes (literally and figuratively) that another leaves around.

Please continue to post. There are a lot of really wonderful people on SR who have been through he!! and back again. They have survived. There are a lot of folks here who are in the middle of the madness that living with a person in active addiction brings.
Personally, I couldn't have made it through dealing with my son's addiction without the help and support of others (Alanon, counselors, SR, friends, family, etc.).

I hope that you have a support system. If not, Alanon or counseling can provide the support you need. It's very difficult to live with an alcoholic without some help.

gentle hugs

FormerDoormat

Most of the responses to this thread thus far were posted before folks learned that the poster feared for her safety. That information came much later, and the responses after that point took on a much more serious tone. I can only speak for myself and I don't know who specifically you were referring to but I don't appreciate being called a "wiseass."

Addict's Wife

What is disgusting is the utter disregard that alcoholics have for the efforts of other people. I work just as hard as my husband and when he leaves his wet towel laying on my desk where I work, or walks on the floor I just mopped, it's like saying "You have nothing better to do than to clean up after my messes." That is what addicts want people to do - clean up after them even if it makes the other person tired, or physically or mentally ill.