mia

I have an 18 year old son who is addicted to meth, he shoots it and has been doing so for a year that I know of, I have tried everything I can to get him to stop, he may for a while but then does it again, I feel so lost and worry everyday that he is going to die, he looks like he is, his teeth are rotting out and he is so skinny. I know more about meth than I ever should have in my life, this is the hardest thing I have ever gone thru in my life, how do I get a grip on the fact that I can't help him until he wants the help? And how do I let go of the guilt of it all? I live in arizona and would like to go to some meetings and help myself and be able to hepl others, meth is HUGE in this state, could someone please help me....Thank you

2many2count

mia,
I truly feel your pain as I read your post. I'm trying to find NarAnon meetings in arizona for you. I will Private Message them to you. I am going to say a special prayer for you tonight. Try to hang in there. Take it one day at a time.


HUGE HUGS FROM NC
2many2count

wishIsedNO

your post rips me to peices..as a addict myself with a mother just like u..i think about how we dont realize what we do to the ones we love when were running around..cause were too busy thinking about our next fix..and thinking we cant live without it..everything is just me..me..me..when were active..at least with me it was..i use to think why the hell dont my mom just forget about me and get her own life..i use to blame everything on her like she was the one who made the decision to stick that needle in my arm..im 22 years old and ive been a heroin addict for 6yrs..theres not much meth here in nyc..probably because theres not many open spaces for them to cook it up at..i dont know anyways im sorry to tell u that u r just gonna have to let go and wait till hes ready..my moms put me in so many places to get help and ive been in so many places so i wouldnt lose her..but eachtime i went in for her id come out the same day and use..even if i did last the longest was a month..and that month was hell..even then i wasnt totally sober id smoke weed and do ectasy till i thought i could get away with using..its got to be in his gut to wanna stop.cause if he dont he might agree to go in, in fear of losing u but in reality his mind wont be there..it'll still be in the streets..not until his mind follows hiw heart will he completely stop and even when he does the problem wont go away..drug use is just a symptom of whatever is wrong in the first place..and dont think i blame u cause alotta people see young addicts and love to look to their parents but thats not always the case yea u might be apart of the problem but only apart their could be acoupla of things on why this happened in the first place..so try not to beat yourself up..and going to meetings and maybe getting a therapist would do wonders for u especially in the waiting until he finds himself ready to get clean..maybe you can even get into one of those family therapy things..i really hope u find peace in all this..it hurts to see what drug abuse does to a family in whole..

mia

Thank you so much for the reply, it was hard to read it touched me to my soul, I hope the best for you, I don't know how you are doing now but I can say reading what you said made me want to just rap my arms around you, you are someones son the love of there life, the one they would do anything in the world for, I know cause you are just like my own. I would die right this minute the worst death that could come to me just to make my baby see life for the way it can be, without all the other stuff. But you know I have felt like I have died over and over again with my son, the not knowing where he was or the holiday without a call, or I would get am email and reading it knowing he was using at the time. Or seeing him for the first time in months and he isn;t my son cause this person looks like he is on the brink of death I will never forget that day because I couldn't stop crying because I didn't think he would make it thru until tommorow. And you know he wasn't My son anymore all I have at times is memories. I truly know the meaning of love cause I love my boy more than anything or anyone else in this world. I may have never gotten to this level of love with him unless the was a user, it is a scary kinda love the kind that feels like in a blink of an eye they will be gone and this time it will be forever. You see I am just like your mom everything I say to you she would say and more, I could go on and on, for days....I am not mad I hope I don't come off that way, I have so much love and compasion inside of me for my own and others I see both sides of the fence mine and yours. Just try to step out of your shoes and feel what we feel, it affects so many people, more than you will ever imagine, we as the mothers walk on eggshells hoping and praying everyday that it will all get better, I think I will always have this fear in the back of my mind that he will die. I will be here for you anytime you need me, you can privatly email me if you would like, I hope to hear from you because now I will lay awake at night and worry about you as well, love yourself as we all love you, I am just like your mother........ please mail me back and also let me know your name, again my friend I am here for you, you are never alone

phoenix

Mia...my heart goes out to you.I hope you will post on the Nar Anon forum.You'll find a lot of support there from people who understand what you are going through.I hope you can find Nar Anon meetings in your area.If not,you would probably benefit from Al Anon.Take care of yourself,and keep posting.You are always welcome.

phoenix

margo

Hi Mia - your post is just heartbreaking and I wish I could be there to give you a great big hug. Please do as Phoenix suggested and come on over the Nar-Anon forum and post. There are a lot of moms with addicted children who post on that forum - you are not alone and you will get so much support there.

Hope to see you there very soon!

Love and hugs.

Mia - here is the phone number for Nar-Anon Arizona - they should be able to direct you to a meeting near you:

(602) 222-6229

If Nar-Anon is not available in your area, here are the numbers for Al-Anon:

(602) 249-1257

or

(480) 969-6144

wishIsedNO

im sure your just like my mom..shes gained much weight since i been clean..ive been able to stay clean for 11 months..but the past 2 weeks ive sadly given in to my urges..i hate to act like im blaming other people for my use but it is a big part..i know im the one who finally makes the decision but sumtimes people can push u to that point my dad is going through alot hes been drinking all the time and becoming a real violent one too..plus my bf has been struggling with his pill habbit..so its was tough and i think i just caved cause im the type like my mom that likes to take care of people and forget about my needs..im learning though sumtimes u gotta just let things be and allow those people to find their way but im not saying im leaving them im mean for one i could never really leave my dad..and for now i love my bf to pieces so im not ready for that and im hoping i never have to be..but for the first time in my using im more afraid of hurting my mom..we've gotten real close in this past year..ive grown alot and see her side of things and it hurts me to realize what i put her through these past years..if it wasnt for her i know for a fact i wouldnt be here she saved my life last year when i decided to go home cause i didnt feel good even though i already did 20 bags of heroin which is alot and it wasnt crappy stuff either when i awoke the next morning i was real sick and i felt this peace i hadnt felt since i was a kid..i just didnt want it to end...for the past 6 yrs i always awoke to my own hell..id be sick and worrying about how i was gonna get well..but that morning i didnt even feel i just was so comfortable..but my mom knew sumthing was wrong and she wasnt gonna let me go..i was dying and i know that for a fact..she kept coming in my room what i thought was only a few minutes but it was acoupla hours..what shes told me was the last time she went in which was late afternoon i was a paleish white and my lips were blue i remember hearing her talking on the phone to somebody and crying ..the next thing i knew we were in her car driving to the hospital..i had a very high fever and i was hallucinating..i kept yelling at her and trying to fight her telling her to drive me to brooklyn so i could cop my drugs i thought i was just dope sick..she kept crying and saying i need to get help that i was too sick ..my mom was like a warrior..i guess thats how moms r when they have a child even though that child is already an adult in the eyes of the law..i remember the security guard in the hospital gave me a wheelchair to sit in and told us to wait after an hour and half of me going in and out..and when i was in i would keep screaming for sumone to give sum dope..my mom finally grab the security guard and sed if sumone dont get help for my daughter shes gonna die in that damn wheelchair..and if she does i will sue u and any ************ in this hospital..i was proud of her and it was a long time i even noticed my mom..when we got into the room with the doctor i was made to take my clothes off..im 5'2" and at that time i was some where around 90 pounds and wearing childrens clothes..my arms had tracks all over the place and one of them was infected to the point it was just an open whole with puss..my mom tried her hardest not to cry and she held my hand through it all..i had to get a spinal tap cause they thought i might have menginitis(sorry for the spelling) anyways long story short it was foung i had endocarditis..which is from me using the same needle all the time and in the same area of my arm where i had the gaping whole well puss and bacteria got in..and it stayed in my heart and grew..till it exploded into my lungs..thats why i had a fever of 107..they couldnt believe how i didnt go into a coma..i was exteremly lucky that it exploded and ony stayed in my lungs cause usually if it does exploded it travels to my brain which in turn theres no help and i die..and its lucky it exploded and left my heart cause if it just stayed in my heart i wouldnt have much more damage and maybe would of had to had an operation..all i had to do to clear it up and get better was stay in the hospital for a month with a tube in my arm that went all the way to my heart and shot antibiotics in twice a day into it..and even with that i still had my dealer bring dope to me 3 times a week when i was there till, i started realizing what i did plus the doctor told me if i keep using the way i was id be dead by the time i was 25 cause my heart will give out..so i sed i dont wanna die yet and thats how i really got into recovery,,at first my mom didnt trust it cause so many times i told her i was ready to get clean and so many times i failed her i couldnt tell her the only reason i did go in those times was to keep her happy so i could have her around when i was short on money..but eventually she saw i meant business..as the weeks and months past i got better and better and so did my mom..she gained weight my mom was as skinny as i was when i was using cause she could never eat she was always a nervous wreck waiting for that dread phone call..she would search the streets..asking around trying to get the cops to help but they didnt care they always would tell her" if she wants to kill herself let her u live your own life lady "..now my mom smiles and she laughs and she eats..and she shops and she looks relaxed she even gets her hair done and now shes getting that botox thing for all the wrinkles i caused her as she says it..and that makes me happy..i dont wanna ruin that..and im afraid the self destructed self will..but im gonna try my hardest not to..cause now ive seen the good i cant go back to the bad i just cant if i do i dont know if ill be as lucky as i been..you gonna go through real bad nites and times that u just wanna scream and just give up..im sure sumtimes u look at your son and think of him as a monster..and wonder how cant he see what hes doing..drugs r a very strong blinder..it makes us feel so good that we think scarficing the things we do is worth it..but everyone gets hit by that wall and he will too and when he does he will see it all and he will wanna change and hes gonna wish he changed much sooner but just like u stand by him now when he starts to get clean u gotta be for him there even more..cause even after the drugs leave his body hes gonna go through an emotional roller coaster and if he dont got a strong support the disease will eat him up whole..time will heal all..keep in touch..i like to think all the years of my using will help with sumthing and if my story can give u sumthing to help your son with so be it..then i will feel that all that hell was for a reason..

Nutritionconsul

***Edited by Forum Director***

Hi Nutritionconsul,

Please click on the link below to find out how you can add your program to the forum directory.

http://soberrecovery.com/advertising.html

http://soberrecovery.com/contact.html

Thank you,

MG

washbe2

Response to Wish,
Your posts mean to much to me. I look at other posts to see if you have any replies to them. I am very scared right now as I know my son is. You are very kind to hope that your story will help others. It does. I'm afraid my son is drugging and in trouble with the law again possibly. I don't know what else to do or where to turn. He is at my mom's house, and I worry about what the stress is doing to her. He has nowhere to go and I hurt for him so very much. Do you have any encouraging words for me?
Thank you so much.
Washbe

wishIsedNO

thank u very much it is good to hear that i help someone..thats why i post the messages i do..i just want people to hear my story and say god i dont want to be like that..even though i know most active users r too messed up to really think consequencial about their lives and where their headed if they dont stop..i feel for you ad how u worry..if i was u id worry too..i think there should be more mothers out their like u..not saying mothers dont care u gotta care about a child u held for none months and raised if u dont u must be a robot..but i think if there were more worried mothers that took action maybe there be less adult active addicts..today when i was on the train going to my program there were two addicts..bitching about how nobody cares and their sleeping on benches..and how since our new mayor(BLOOMBERG) things r going way up and u cant afford it..and one of them was a vet so he was bitching about how the VA dont give him enough money..but the worst part is they made about 6 bucks from the people on the train..i felt like getting up and screaming why u guys supporting this..they get enough money from u guys by the taxes u pay..and i felt like telling them that if u sleep on a bench its only your fault cause today u got a choice theirs many programs today that u can get housing and help..its not the 1950's-1960's..were if u were an addict all they do to u is put u in a physic ward to clean cold turkey..they've learned alot from addiction today and theres many places to go..so when i hear an addict whinning about how they were dealt a dirty hand and how they dont have a place to live and all that crap it really disgusts me..well i just needed to vent that out..lisiten im doing ok so no need to worry u worrying enough..dont kill ya self think about your needs if u dont u will grow old before u need too..well im awfully tired i need to get up early..i hope to hear from u again id like to know how your son is doing..keep in touch,,jackie

ButterflyChaser

Mia...your story touched my heart too, and I feel sad for you! As a meth addict myself, all I can say is this...going to meetings would really help you, especially to understand your son more. But like "wishisedno" was saying...there's really nothing you can do, until your son is ready to quit, when he can't take the "craziness" anymore, when he's fed up, when he decides he wants to stop using...well then, that's when it'll happen. Because even in reality, you can't make anyone do what you want them to do, and trying to tell a meth addict that,(or any addict) will only make things worse. I know you love your son, I can see & feel that after reading your posts here, but sometimes Loving someones takes letting go!!! It's not your fault!!!
Wishisedno said it the most honest & best way there was to say it, he gave you wonderful advice!!!!

We are all here for you if you need to talk, good luck to you & I'll say a prayer for you, you'll be in my thoughts!