little-el

Hi, I'm little-el. I'm about to go to my first AA meeting in about an hour. I just can't do this on my own (numerous tries have shown me that), but I'm very nervous about going. I don't know what to expect, I don't know what to say if I have to talk, I ... don't know.

I guess I just needed to get out my anxiety a bit. I'm afraid to tell anyone that I'm going to the meeting because I might screw up anyway and be drinking again tonight and I can't take the pressure of everyone's scrutiny.

Crazy I know, but it seems like this would be so easy if I could have a few drinks beforehand. It's a whole other ballgame, trying to talk, trying to share anything about myself or relate to other people, without the buffer of alcohol.

Thanks for reading.

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, little-el. you don't have to say a word if you don't want to. just listen. let us know how it goes? and keep posting! k

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

Living life without alcohol to numb things is hard and it takes some getting used to.

I am glad you are going to a meeting and taking positive steps. I didn't tell anyone when I stopped drinking for the very reason you mentioned. If you are not comfortable talking about, just show others with your actions that you are a 'new' person.

Rowan

Welcome good for you going to a meeting! Let us know how it goes.

TiredMama

I don't have much advice about AA meetings but I wish you luck. Glad you are here with us I am a newcomer (but been posting) and I find this place wonderful and full of info

little-el

Wow. Thanks for posting so quickly. Just being in touch with people is exactly what I need right now. I'm sure this feeling will go away, but right now, I can't believe I'm doing this. And I have so little faith that I actually can.

And I'm glad to hear I don't have to talk if I don't want to. I can just see how it goes.

tay-lyn

Welcome Little-el. You don't have to talk at your meetings until you're ready....when it comes your turn, you just say 'I'm just going to listen today'. You're making a great stride in going to the meeting. Don't think past your meeting, the 'what-if's'. Wait to see how you feel afterwards. And if you feel like drinking, maybe come back on here before you do and say a quick 'hello'.
The fact that you came here and 'talked' is a great step too. And if you do slip, always be sure to get back up and come back here.
Luck!
Tay.

gravity

Hi little-el,

I went to my first meeting a little less than 2 months ago. I got myself all worked up (for absolutely no reason) just to get through the door. Now, I wonder why I waited so long! The feeling during and after the meeting was amazing (relief, hope, people I can relate to). Best wishes!

29a

On the way to my first meeting I was too scared to speak in the car, let alone in the meeting. In fact, it took a few months before I felt comfortable sharing, and at first I only did that in beginners meetings. One of our motto's is easy does it, and it's a good one.

One thing I would recommend is getting a sponsor, it will help more than I could begin to say.

Congratulations. Stick with it even when it's hard and the rewards will amaze you.

SF69

Hi little-el, and welcome!

I think I made nearly the same post three weeks ago before I went to my first meeting. Hopefully it goes as well for you as it did for me.

reed

welcome. do not be afraid of AA meetings. it should be good. i was afraid once but it really is no big deal.

wjw1970

I'm new here too, lots of helpful folks at this forum. Welcome!

CarolD

AA ? a fantastic way of life!
Good to know you are checking it out.

Welcome to our community

little-el

Thanks to everyone who responded; I really appreciate it.

The meeting was strange for me because it was my first. I was very uncomfortable with the welcoming-ness of it, actually. I just wanted to hide out in the back, but people wanted to meet and hug and give phone numbers and that was very kind of them, but ... I don't know. The idea of having a sponsor, going to a meeting everyday for 90 days- it's all very intimidating and stressful to me. And that makes me feel like drinking. Maybe I just feel so uncomfortable with life and with myself without alcohol that I can't truly assess the experience.

The other thing that scares me is that there were several people with years of sobriety under their belt saying that it's still a struggle for them. I don't know if I can take feeling this way for years, but I'm sick of being a drunk.

I was happy at how diverse the meeting was: variety of ages, races, a lot more men than women, but enough women so that it wasn't too lopsided. I was glad that there seemed to be a few others in their twenties, but I wished there were more.

I'm going to try again tomorrow and see how it feels.

Thanks again to everyone who read and/or responded.

SF69

That's great to hear little-el!

Yeah it does seem a little weird at first, after a few meetings it seems quite normal. I've even begun to look forward to a couple of the groups I attend. Glad to hear that you're going to give it another chance tomorrow.

CarolD

I am so pleased you went and plan to go again.
You will find each meeting is a little different

I liked going to 7 A.M. before work.
Seemed to make my day go smoother.

Thanks for the update...

chirish

hi little-el - I just wanted to post and say hang in there. I'm a newbie to this board myself (posted on the alcoholism forum recently) and everyone has been great. I went to my first AA meeting last week and I know how terribly self-conscious they can make you feel. I didn't want to look anyone in the eye and was half terrified that I would see someone from work or a neighbor. Good thing about AA is that no one calls you out or asks you questions. You can speak, or you can just sit there and listen the whole time and there aren't any requirements for attending except wanting to stop drinking.

*shay*

wow! great job for you on the aa meeting. i am new to this site but i really appreciate you sharing that. i was in the same boat.

Luckyv2

Welcome and really I can't add more except

I felt out of place also when I first started to go to meetings, but

there is a saying that they say....

Go until ya want to go.....

So I did and I do....

Somedays I don't want to go but I go

Other days I want to go and I go

I just go

Hoping you the best

little-el

Everyone here is right: the second meeting is less weird. But that means AA isn't any different from anything else in that respect, right? You get into the groove.

Tomorrow's goal: share at the meeting. It's weird because I feel like I have a lot I want to get out all of a sudden.

Thanks again for being here and helping to get me to meetings 1 and 2. I really feel like I couldn't have done it without posting here first.

By the way, I'm starting on Day 4 of sobriety!!!!!!!! I can't believe it!!!!!!!!