Newcomer...

So, I've been home for over a month now... for those of you who don't know, home is my family's home, after leaving my addict ex-boyfriend.
Anyway - since I've been home, I have noticed how FAST time goes by. I think before, when i was with him, every day seemed SO long. Every minute making sure he was ok, not using, worrying about money, etc etc etc. Since I've been home, it's like a huge weight has been lifted.
Don't get me wrong, it's been HELL - leaving him, losing my life and my home. But at least I feel like there is an end to this hell. As opposed to the constant every day anxiety that filled my life before. For the first time in YEARS, I am looking forward to my weekends. I'm looking forward to spending time with friends - without having to justify it. And I'm not dreading him taking off for the weekend. Or some friend stopping by and convincing him to go to the bar, or to see a "friend"....
I can't believe how fast the time is going. I guess it's a good thing. I think in a lot of ways, I just feel like I'm free... even though he continues to do his best to try to make me feel like crap, his family continues to send me emails blaming me for his issues, etc etc etc. He's not my responsibility... not that he ever was, but I felt like he was.
Anyway, I was just thinking about this and thought I'd share. I think I could get used to this!

Oh - and I booked a cruise a few weeks ago... with money I don't have... but decided it was money well spent. I'm hoping that time continues to fly until then!!! (It can then slow down for about a week though!!)

greeteachday

Glad you are feeling better and looking forward to each new day. The hurt heals and as you are finding, there is life after addiction.

A cruise? How wonderful...ENJOY!!!

Hangin' In

Glad you are seeing that life is better after making the decision you made. Removing myself from chaos is always a good decision for me.

Now you go on that cruise and have a great time.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

Newcomer...

Thank you! The pain is definitely still fresh - and things are still hard. But I think the difference now is that I have hope. I know it will end. It's not an endless circle of days hoping and praying he won't get high. That he won't crush that pill. Or alter that prescription. Or that I'll find a broken pen (he'd take out the inside to snort pills with the tubes...). Or any of those awful things I dreaded every day. I don't wake up each day and check the bathroom counter for powder remnants. And eventually, I hope, a broken pen will be just that - a broken pen.

rahsue

Good for you! Glad you got your life back.

Newcomer...

Haha - thanks, I'm working on it anyway!!!