Update on addict daughter
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: hillsborough nj
Posts: 30
Update on addict daughter
And the drama continues...my heroin addict daughter called a 8:30 asking for a ride to the hospital because she said she doesn't want to do drugs anymore......mind you she was in detox 2 1/2 wks ago and took off after 8 days with a/b/f to go out and continue shooting drugs.
Now she has been in the streets for like 11 days and all of a sudden wants to go forhelp! We left it like she was going to call back in an hour and I told her I would think about it.
I let her know I knew shr had stolen about $500 off of our credit cards and we called the company and they are going to investigate. I told her I hope they arrest her. Her reply was "mom" don't you get it thats what addicts do. That line is old now, you can't keep stealing and stealing from us with no consequences because "thats what addicts do" that does not justify this behavior. You know you have a serious problem and these are your choices!
As the saga continues it is 11:30 now and she hasn't called back but a/B/F mother did and she says her son is coming with her there (they allow them to sleep on the porch) but they are also fed-up. B/F mother says she will tell her to call me. I told her they should lock the door with a sign go and get help and not let her or their son in (by the way he is 30 yrs old)
B/F father wants me to know if she doesn't leave he will call cops. I told him that is exactly what he should do. If they both got arrested maybe they would clean up and get in a rehab. I told him if I have to pick her up I will take her to a hospital but, she cannot come home until she is clean and sober for a while.
I am fed up!
Thanks for letting me vent
Hugs to all !
Sickatheart
Now she has been in the streets for like 11 days and all of a sudden wants to go forhelp! We left it like she was going to call back in an hour and I told her I would think about it.
I let her know I knew shr had stolen about $500 off of our credit cards and we called the company and they are going to investigate. I told her I hope they arrest her. Her reply was "mom" don't you get it thats what addicts do. That line is old now, you can't keep stealing and stealing from us with no consequences because "thats what addicts do" that does not justify this behavior. You know you have a serious problem and these are your choices!
As the saga continues it is 11:30 now and she hasn't called back but a/B/F mother did and she says her son is coming with her there (they allow them to sleep on the porch) but they are also fed-up. B/F mother says she will tell her to call me. I told her they should lock the door with a sign go and get help and not let her or their son in (by the way he is 30 yrs old)
B/F father wants me to know if she doesn't leave he will call cops. I told him that is exactly what he should do. If they both got arrested maybe they would clean up and get in a rehab. I told him if I have to pick her up I will take her to a hospital but, she cannot come home until she is clean and sober for a while.
I am fed up!
Thanks for letting me vent
Hugs to all !
Sickatheart
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
vent a way...I have a son addicted to pain meds...I know the broken heart. I am very early in my own recovery and it is very hard to do anything like detach...You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: NJ
Posts: 66
Wow mom, good for you! You are certainly changing, I think this board is doing you some good! You should give this website to Nick's parents, maybe they can learn how to deal with him too! It will do both of them a world of good!
If she REALLY wanted to get to the hospital, I'm sure she doesn't need to call you for that and if she REALLY wanted to come home, I'm sure she would have called back! If she wanted $20 and you said call me in an hour, I'll think about it, you know she would have called back! I wonder if she really wanted to go to the hospital at all or if that was just another ploy of some sort!
Stay strong!
If she REALLY wanted to get to the hospital, I'm sure she doesn't need to call you for that and if she REALLY wanted to come home, I'm sure she would have called back! If she wanted $20 and you said call me in an hour, I'll think about it, you know she would have called back! I wonder if she really wanted to go to the hospital at all or if that was just another ploy of some sort!
Stay strong!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: hillsborough nj
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by LauraK 
I am so sorry you are going through this :-((
Prayers to you and yours....
Prayers to you and yours....
It helps to know there are alot of other people out there who understand what you are going through. It seems most of us are dealing with variations of the same story different dance. Thanks for the support
Sickathearthttp://img89.imageshack.us/img89/3370/smileyaayxgt6.gif
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Hang in there...I know it has been exhausting and frustrating.
The boundary that she can't come home at this stage, sounds like a good one.
I know as the Moms, in our own minds, we were determined to be there for them -to help them get sober. We put their needs above our own and endured with them throughout the toughest of times. But we have to see when it is counter-productive and know when it’s time for us to pull away for our own protection and take care of ourselves.
I am at that place myself.
The boundary that she can't come home at this stage, sounds like a good one.
I know as the Moms, in our own minds, we were determined to be there for them -to help them get sober. We put their needs above our own and endured with them throughout the toughest of times. But we have to see when it is counter-productive and know when it’s time for us to pull away for our own protection and take care of ourselves.
I am at that place myself.
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((((((Sick))))))))
Just adding my support and prayers to you and your husband.
My son's addiction to heroin drove him to do so many terrible things
to himself and his family. I, myself, did things for my son that no mother
should have to do for her child. Coming here in 2005 saved my sanity.
That's for sure. My son has been clean of heroin now for over 2 years.
I thank God daily that we don't have to go through that heartache and
pain any longer. It took me a while, but once I set my mind to not
enabling anymore and making sure he could not manipulate me, my whole
life changed. And now, so has his. I pray your daughter finds recovery
and that you continue on your own path from codependency.
I'm on your side.
All said with love and understanding,
Linda
Just adding my support and prayers to you and your husband.
My son's addiction to heroin drove him to do so many terrible things
to himself and his family. I, myself, did things for my son that no mother
should have to do for her child. Coming here in 2005 saved my sanity.
That's for sure. My son has been clean of heroin now for over 2 years.
I thank God daily that we don't have to go through that heartache and
pain any longer. It took me a while, but once I set my mind to not
enabling anymore and making sure he could not manipulate me, my whole
life changed. And now, so has his. I pray your daughter finds recovery
and that you continue on your own path from codependency.
I'm on your side.
All said with love and understanding,
Linda
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: hillsborough nj
Posts: 30
Hope for our Addicts!!!
Originally Posted by bookmiser
((((((((Sick))))))))
Just adding my support and prayers to you and your husband.
My son's addiction to heroin drove him to do so many terrible things
to himself and his family. I, myself, did things for my son that no mother
should have to do for her child. Coming here in 2005 saved my sanity.
That's for sure. My son has been clean of heroin now for over 2 years.
I thank God daily that we don't have to go through that heartache and
pain any longer. It took me a while, but once I set my mind to not
enabling anymore and making sure he could not manipulate me, my whole
life changed. And now, so has his. I pray your daughter finds recovery
and that you continue on your own path from codependency.
I'm on your side.
All said with love and understanding,
Linda
Just adding my support and prayers to you and your husband.
My son's addiction to heroin drove him to do so many terrible things
to himself and his family. I, myself, did things for my son that no mother
should have to do for her child. Coming here in 2005 saved my sanity.
That's for sure. My son has been clean of heroin now for over 2 years.
I thank God daily that we don't have to go through that heartache and
pain any longer. It took me a while, but once I set my mind to not
enabling anymore and making sure he could not manipulate me, my whole
life changed. And now, so has his. I pray your daughter finds recovery
and that you continue on your own path from codependency.
I'm on your side.
All said with love and understanding,
Linda
Sickatheart
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
Its' entirely up to you whether you want to help her again (if she calls again). I probably would with my AD. As a matter of fact I did just that the same day she got kicked out of detox for fighting with another girl( this was last spring) Of course, she got high all day first, before calling me and wanting help again. But I ran down to Newark and picked her up and started the whole nonsense of finding placement again. She didn't last but 3 days that time and hasn't asked for help to get clean since. But I would do it again, and again. For me, the majic words are "I want to get clean. Can you help me. mom?". for others here, they will say the addict can find there own way to treatment. Since I am also a recovering addict, i know that many times I was not capable of navigating that part. My family helped, and I did get clean eventually. This is just my own experience and my own opinion, though. I really do understand, "I am fed up!", too.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
((((((sickatheart))))
I hope you will remain strong my prayers are going out for you and your family. We are here with you. Know you do not have to fight this alone and, as our strength becomes your's, your strength will become ours.
I am glad that she is saying that she does not want to be a drug addict anymore. The sound of her own voice saying this may actually reach her brain.
Addict behavior is very predictable which is why I say this next line to you:
She may want to got the hospital to try to get dope. Since she did not call you back it sounds to me like they may have obtained some dope from somewhere.
I hope you will remain strong my prayers are going out for you and your family. We are here with you. Know you do not have to fight this alone and, as our strength becomes your's, your strength will become ours.
I am glad that she is saying that she does not want to be a drug addict anymore. The sound of her own voice saying this may actually reach her brain.
Addict behavior is very predictable which is why I say this next line to you:
She may want to got the hospital to try to get dope. Since she did not call you back it sounds to me like they may have obtained some dope from somewhere.
You set your boundries, now you have to keep them or whatever you say/do in the future will mean nothing and she will use it to the max!!!!Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Good for you!!!
I think you are making good progress. I had to think about what sleepygoat posted, and I can see her side, too. When I decided to get clean, I didn't do rehab/detox or any of that, but there were times I needed a little financial help. I think that my family helped me out, though, because of my actions....I WAS working and at the time staying in an extended-stay motel with my best friend and coworker. I didn't have a car, and needed to be close to work so I could catch the bus. I never needed a lot of money, but sometimes what I made just didn't cover my bills.
I think as long as we do what WE feel comfortable with and try our best not to enable or manipulate the A, we are doing okay. You've come a long way!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I think you are making good progress. I had to think about what sleepygoat posted, and I can see her side, too. When I decided to get clean, I didn't do rehab/detox or any of that, but there were times I needed a little financial help. I think that my family helped me out, though, because of my actions....I WAS working and at the time staying in an extended-stay motel with my best friend and coworker. I didn't have a car, and needed to be close to work so I could catch the bus. I never needed a lot of money, but sometimes what I made just didn't cover my bills.
I think as long as we do what WE feel comfortable with and try our best not to enable or manipulate the A, we are doing okay. You've come a long way!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 108
I understand your anger and frustration. My philosophy has always been that I will support my step-daughter's sobriety, but never enable her addiction. I would not let her live at home if she wasn't clean, but I would help her get into treatment as many times as it takes.
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