cagefree

Through the recent loss of my best friend - my dog - I came to a realization.

I no longer love XABF

I used to feel love towards him - but it's faded into indifference. I used to feel like I was almost completely done grieving for XABF but needed a bit more time to fully accept. I'm there now. What he does or is doing - really don't care and haven't thought about him hardly at all. It's sad that it took the death of my furbaby to complete the grief cycle for XABF, and very quickly. But I look at it like a gift from my fuzzy baby.

When ICU said that losing hobbes was more difficult than leaving XABF, I could not agree more - that's when it hit me that thinking about him brought no emotion to me at all, that I have finally fallen totally and completely out of love.

When I began to recover from my codependence, I finally quit denying feelings I had for XABF, and now I realize I no longer have them. I think Deny once said something like this a long time ago - and it's happening to me.

Anyone else had a major life event complete the grief cycle over your ex-alcoholic?

BohemiMamaof3

Well, my situation is different since my a loved one is my brother, I will always have a connection and love him. But I am realizing that I will have to love him from afar.

My condolences over the loss of your pet.

I am glad that you are comming to a place of healing and realizations.

ICU

Hmmmm....I had to think about this before replying. I think the best way I can describe what has happened to me with the loss of my dog, with respect to my ex, is I have mixed emotions.

See, my furbaby, the one I just lost, 'was' his at one time. So, naturally, my ex has been on my mind a lot lately.

In that respect, I think it brought up some feelings of anger towards my ex, but I think those feelings are related to one of the stages of grief, not my ex.

I do however, feel a much greater sense of relief, and my fear of him has lessened dramatically. I know my dog is safe now for all eternity as my ex can never get his hands on him. See, I ALWAYS feared my ex would try to break in and get him, 'when I least expected it', or, 'when I stopped fearing him and thinking about him'....like if I lowered my guard.

I also have to be honest in saying that I'm grateful to my ex, for had it not been for him, I never would have had this wonderful little furbaby in my life.

Yeah, mixed emotions describes me.

Good topic Cagefree!

Rella927

Cage.... it is ironic that I too after the loss of my fur baby back in June believe that I completed my grieving for my XABF. It was then that I began to realize that it was ok to let him go completely-I stopped wondering if he was getting sober, stopped wondering how his son was, stopped yes totally loving him-any ounce of love I had was gone-

I guess you can say loosing my little one gave me an ephinany on my own life! Amazing what our furry kids can do to us!

I can give without caring that I am giving

I am living my life, I am not just existing anymore!

Great thread Cage

denny57

I'm sad for your loss, cage, but happy for your release. A big part for me in acknowledging the love was gone was coming to terms with the idea that it didn't mean the love had not existed (or that I had been "wrong" in that love). It did exist. What matters to me today is not that he did not return that love in the way I wanted, but that I did love, deeply and completely. I believe I am capable of loving that way again, but with a better understanding of what "true" love might be.

The gifts of life are all around me and every day I try to see and accept them.

((()))

cagefree

Exactly - this is more clear to me now than ever...