gns

Last night I dreamt that B-, a man I have gone out with a few times who I really like, was dating his "housemate" In the dream I found out and was very upset and disappointed. I used to have these kinds of dreams about my ex all the time (turns out they were true!).

I asked B- if there is anything going on with his housemate and am waiting to hear back. I am very nervous and not sure if I did the right thing by asking, am I just being afaraid or trusting my instincts?

Advice and good thoughts are appreciated.

geees poncho

WHATS WRONG WITH HEARING THE TRUTH if indeed thats what it is.

GiveLove

Depends on what kind of man B is, but I can tell you I had the same experiences.

I used to have dreams -- very vivid dreams -- that my husband was unfaithful to me. I had suffered several such relationships and it was very much part of my unconscious mind. I would wake up, stumble around a bit, and wondering if my intuition was picking something up, would ask him point-blank whether any of it was true.

He being the self-contained man that he is, would say, "I am happy with you, and plan on being happy with you forever, and I wouldn't do that to anybody. If either of us ever wants to do that, we should agree to separate first, not sneak around like cowards."

If he had less self-esteem, he could've flown off the handle and raged and gotten hurt and angry that I would say such a thing.

Depends on what kind of man B is.....what the nature of your relationship is ......whether your intuition has picked up other signs of a lack of integrity on his part (has it?)......depends on a lot of things. Maybe it's a sign that you need to clarify some things and have some agreements. Maybe it's just leftover hurt. Maybe it's your heart trying to teach you that you could survive an event like that if you had to, because you still have YOU. Very hard to say....can you talk to him about it?

good_luck

I agree with GiveLove, but need to point out that she is talking about a situation with her husband. If you are having these issues after having gone out only a couple of times, perhaps a relationship is a bit much to handle right now.

If I put myself in the place of the man that you have started dating, I wouldn't respond to that question. Frankly, it would be a bright red flag.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. I just wanted to offer that perspective. I would have the same difficulty dating right now, carrying my issues from my past relationship into the new one. So I am waiting until I am in a different place so the old brain and the old heart can better handle it.

Dreams are really about you. It's your subconscious, not someone else's. Probably it is better to analyze it with that in mind.

Miss Pink

Your in fear....dont judge him by what someone else did to you.

Your fear is your issue....work to resolve it and you will have a happy relationship.

NoChoice

I am getting to know someone too. He is living with a woman, they did date a long time ago but have been platonic for a long time too. I am a bold upfront type. I just asked him. He said that they did date before but that they are not now. I think it is ok to ask. My biggest thing is that when I ask, I have to be ready to hear the answer and leave it as the answer and I can't work it around to say something that I want it to say other than what it is! Know what I mean?

Barbara52

I'll bet you've had all sort of dreams about people and things. Most of them aren't true. Would you confront someone because you dreamed they robbed a bank or had blue hair?

Dreams in general are us working out our issues in our subconsciousness as we sleep. Personally I don't give credence to my dreams. I know many do. But if I were going to pay attention to my dreams I would do so from the aspect of exploring what my dream might be telling me about what I am worried about or afraid of.

I would have some serious questions about someone who confronted me on the basis of "I dreamed you did thus-and-so."

gns

Thank you Gees Poncho, you are right that if it is the truth I need to hear it and deal with it.

thanks Give Love for sharing your experience, it is hard to know if it is my intution or just my fear.

I don't think having difficulty separating the two means I should not be dating someone or am not ready - some issues come up and can only be figured out within the context of a relationship. I was happy with my life before I met B-, a major change from before for me.

I also don't understand why it would be a big red flag to ask if the female roomate of someone you are dating is a significant other? - Seems to me to part of the are you in a relationship question.

I did ask him and he said I could ask him anything and that she was great but there was nothing going on and that he wanted me to meet her soon. He even asked me if that answered the question.

I was surprised by that kind of openness, it is how I would react, but not the way any of my ex-es would react.

Also having trouble believing that I deserve him. He is cute and charming. I would be more comfortable if he was not cute and socially ackward! More work to do!

NoChoice

GNS....

I really appreciate your post. I almost kicked this guy totally to the curb, but scaled our "getting to know eachother" waaaaaayyyy back. He is also very charming, attractive and nice. I am not used to that. I have been doing alot of work on me and have wanted to break the cycle that I was in for a while of picking not so nice guys. I think I got confused when he was so nice to me. It is a huge thing for us to believe that we deserve the best. We do, we just have to convince ourselves of that.

Thanks for your post.

Like I said, I think you were right on in asking.

geees poncho

GNS You can bet that if I started seeing someone that
I didn't know any of there backround I woud be full of questions.
The problem I have is being tactfull, but some times being blunt and straight
foreward is just easyer, than you get a straight answer, and if they hesitate,
that may be a procede with caution, yellow flag.
God Bless & Good Luck

Pick-a-name

Not to say that this is the case in your situation (which if you really do meet her soon,etc I think would help answer your questions),but I DID ask the questions,albeit with my AH and he was NOT truthful,even though I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Don't automatically turn off your "little voice" because you are trying not to over-react in the other direction.

Take it slow and trust yourself. imho if you aren't comfortable,you aren't. Figure out what would help,and then proceed or cut your losses.

Good luck. (I'm not one to talk.I have not been out there in the trenches since my AH divorced me last year,and it was 30yrs before that,so take what I say as you like. )

reader

Dreaming of an affair type situation often is the subconscious trying to work through something that may not be in your best interest. It can be total unrelated such as a concerns over finances or any of the things that bother u. It is a common dream that I see in my Tarot card readings. Relax....