Fernando

Okay I admitted my disease about 5 years ago. Been through the crisis hospitalization bit tied down to a bed like 4 times... and here I am again not drinking my meds... (only for 4 days)... I've been sleeping in and by the time I wake up the rythm is all messed up and I missed two doses out of three so what's the point in taking the third one? After all it's only for these few days of Christmas.... when I go back to work (yeah I can work while I'm on my meds!) I'll get the rhythm back.

My real problem is that I've done some partying during the holidays... of the coke kind. And it's getting really hard to stop using. My God please don't tell me how bad it is for me because I know exactly how bad it is... Lithium and coke make a deadly mix... but I'm on party mode and I forgot where the off switch is.

I'll get help. Today! I posted my number on the NA page and I'm standing by my phone. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and I'm really doing some damage using with my condition... I'm saying all of this to share with whoever reads this that being bipolar is really hard. I don't have the experience yet of knowing when I'm going into crisis... but I'm doing everything that I'm not supposed to and I'm playing with fire.

Can anyone out there relate to my situation? I'm going in for a visit to the psych on the 28th... should I come clean with him? The whole reason I started using was to be able to get out of bed in the morning... I've been sleeping 18 hours a day for the past year but he won't prescribe anti-depressants worried that it may trigger a manic attack. So I'm stuck in a vicious cycle. I snort a 20 in the morning to shake off the sleep... and one in the evening to stay awake. But I promise myself this much: It's going to stop TODAY! I took the first step: recognize that I have a really bad problem... and the second step is to seek out some counsel and some help.

Has anyone been in my shoes before? How did you stop? Did you do it by yourself? Well, I hope someone can give me some advise because I'm open for it!

kelsh

Hi Fernando,

I don't know anything about using coke & Lithium but suspect it is not good or safe. My drug of choice was Alcohol and I got into enough trouble with that without adding drugs to it.

Someone should come along to give you some info & support. It is very important to be honest with your doc...if he continues not to do more for you regarding depression maybe you need another doc's opinion.

kelsh

shutterbug

my suggestion would be to print out this page and take it with you to your appointment on the 28th and simply hand it to the pdoc.

Then....start educating yourself on your specific kind of bipolar disorder as much as possible and be sure you are seeing a pdoc who respects you enough to really listen and who you can respect to know more than even you do about your type of bipolar diagnosis and how best to treat it.

I say the last paragraph because your subject line says "Bipolar II...." and from what I know about bipolar II, Lithium is not the best mood stabalizer...and also...there's not really so much of a fear of anti-depressants pushing a bipolar II persion into mania as really that's more for a bipolar I person.

I'm bipolar II and have been on HIGH doses of anti-d's for years now with no issues of mania. I have cycles of hypomania, but never full-blown mania. Now, another hand...i've recently come across research that shows if 100 bipolar II are signed up for a study where half are treated with mood stabalizer/anti-depressant combos and the other half are treated with mood stabalizers alone.....neither half showed ANY more depression symptoms than the other half.

If you are sleeping 18+ hours a day then you are in crisis.
I say that because when I get to a point of sleeping that much that's when i KNOW I am in the middle of a major depressive episode and is the EXACT reason why i sought out ECT treatment this time around and recently underwent my first ever series of treatments. I've had 5 to date and my ECT doc is on holiday for another week or so before i'll under go any more.

Why ECT?
It has a 90 percent success rate for treating depression!!!!
The general public just isn't aware of that yet!

historyteach

I'm so glad you're recognizing the problem and seeking help. Good for you!
Please do be honest with your doctor. Only then can a doc help. Lying will only prolong the problem, and it will probably come out anyway, later on.

I wish you well on your journey, and look forward to getting to know you as we both work our recovery.

Shalom!

Fernando

Thanks everyone for your replies. I've decided that I'm going to tell the doctor exactly what's been going on with my substance abuse and that I'm joining NA and seeking a path of recovery.

I think that I may have to get a second opinion from another psychiatrist because the one I'm seeing now does not pay attention to me when I tell him about my sleeping habits and my overall recovery journey. Sometimes I think he's just interested in getting the money for the visit and filling out the next month's script and getting me out of there as fast as possible.

The only reason that I still visit him is that he is the one that found out the right medicine cocktail to get me back on track. I was unable to work for almost 4 years because none of the meds they gave me worked and he was able to find the right combination that allowed me to work again. I have a really good job and am making almost 100,000.00 a year right now and I don't want to jeopardize that.

Thanks to all of you for your replies. It shows that there are still people out there who care!