jen960

I have recently left my addict husband. We have a ten month old daughter and I am finding it hard. He has now stopped all communication, changed his number, doesnt want to be a father anymore, cant stand me etc. I know this is what addicts do and I shouldnt be surprised but it is not easy. Anyone's experience and wise words would be appreciated!

Ann

When addicts are active in their disease, they don't want contact with those they love...it makes them feel guilty.

You are lucky that you and your daughter are no longer living in the world of chaos that addiction brings. I know it must hurt right now, but in the long run life will become more peaceful and better days will come.

Sending hugs and prayers, you probably can use both right now.

marle

I agree with Ann. My daughter is my addict but she displays the behavior that all addicts do. She recently told me that she does not love me, but I realize that is the drug talking and not my daughter. Addicts do not want responsibility. The world of drugs is one in which there is no family, no responsibility and certainly not much love except for the drug. Take care of you and your baby. Addiction is not the life you want to raise your child in. Hugs, Marle

jen960

thankyou for your words. Some days can just knock me over so to speak. My husband has just had surgery on his back so is on pain meds of some description at present. It is amazing how an addict can be so cruel and show no remorse and have no idea about responsibility.

mjpaao

jen960,
Welcome to sr. You will find many, many wonderful people here who are always willing to listen. I know how hard it is to have an addict husband. Mine left 4 years ago after a 33 year marraige, his drug of choice is crack. I had no idea of his addiction to this drug.
I agree with the others, his is no life style for you or your baby. Addiction is nothing but chaos and lies, lies, and more lies. Try to take care of you, for now, and ask for help when you need it.
(((jen960)))

caileesnana

Welcome to SR Jen,

sorry for your pain, but I am happy you are putting you and your daughter first. Addiction destroys lives. My addict is my daughter.

Keep coming back, lots of good people here!!

susan

mooselips

Jen,
Welcome to Sober Recovery. Lots of people here in the same situation you are describing, so hold on, more will be along shortly.

The addicts in my life are my 2 sons. It has been a long roller coaster of ups and downs, until I decided, like you, to get off the ride.

As for him not calling, and cutting off communication, that may be a good thing in the long run, although it's hard to see right now. At least you don't have to worry about his wanting to care for or see the baby when he's using.

For right now, this minute, just concentrate on you and the baby, because that's what's important.
Also, it may help you if you attend Alanon, or Naranon meetings. The meetings are just for YOU, to help YOU feel better, the meetings are not about the addict.

Hugs to you, and keep posting,
we're all here for you....

hope213

welcome to S.R. i am glad you are here. my addict is my son. there is alot of information here. read around there is alot of support here for you & keep coming back.prayers,

bookmiser

((((((((Jen))))))))))



I'm sorry things didn't work out and you had to leave your
husband due to his addiction.
17 years ago, I made a decision to leave my husband of 10 years
due to his alcoholism.
Today, he is in a halfway house/rehab. He was released from jail
and turned over to them. He'll probably be there until fall of '08.
I remarried a wonderful man who spoils me rotten daily. lol
On the 27th, we'll be celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary.
He makes me very happy. Couple o' beers during football- that's it.
He's never even smoked a cigarette. Which is funny, considering.
I recently started smoking again. lol
I know, I know, tellin' too much. That's just me. lol

Anyway, I wanted to welcome you. Invite you to come back and share
daily, lol, and begin a good path of recovery for you.
Prayers for your family,

P.S. I came to sr after I found out my adult son was addicted to drugs.
This place is a Godsend and I thank Him everyday for the people who
started this site. They saved my life.
Merry Christmas Soberrecovery!

devastated

Sorry for your pain it is never easy; however, all things considered, you may want to thank your husband for cutting off the lines of communication. By doing this, he is saving you a lot of pain and confusion. Most of them stay around long enough to steal and sell everything you own, and create nothing but chaos along the way.

I don't think he is doing it because he doesn't want to be a father to his child, I think he is doing it because he cannot be a father to his child right now.

Ann is right when she said they do not want contact with the ones they love because it makes them feel guilty. The more guilt they feel the more they blame everyone else.

Things may seem really grim right now, but I promise you it will get better with time.

Take care of yourself and your child.

Hugs, Devastated