Please, no male/female bashing!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 98
Please, no male/female bashing!!
WARNING: this post will probably not help anyone in recovery. This is totally not a thread to incite male/female-bashing! Please disregard the below question if it is or if you feel it is inappropriate to ask this on such a forum, or if you feel I am offending the X or Y chromosomes or you personally.
I am inquisitive to a fault and, at the behest of my intuition, risk asking: is there some valid/scientific/sociologic/evolutionist/religious/etc. explanation as to why females greatly outnumber males posting in this forum (FAF)? I found the former disproportion to be true at each of the three different Al-Anon meetings that I have attended thus far.
Is this question irrelevant in that I went to female-dominated Al-Anon meetings by simple chance? Is it just this Web site's 'Friends and Families' forum? Am I surrounded by (majority) codie-females because I reside in the Midwest? Is this the case on a national/global level? Did all of the codie-males run for their lives when they learned of my coming to join the ranks in recovery?
Or is it because, sociologically speaking, codie-males prefer other therapeutic outlets? Or, dare I ask, do codie-men tend to 'fight' it out, while codie-women tend to 'talk' it out (absolutely no intended stereotyping...just wondering if anyone has ideas/stats/opinions/facts/thoughts/etc.)? Are codependent traits offshoots of a nurturing instinct, or are they symptoms of an abnormal desire to be needed? Could there be a genetic link to these traits? Are women 'pre-qualified' at birth to become codies?
Aren't there statistics that say males and females have the same chance of becoming alcoholics? If this is true, would not the percentage of men and women posting in Friends and Families of Alcoholics forums be the same?
I am inquisitive to a fault and, at the behest of my intuition, risk asking: is there some valid/scientific/sociologic/evolutionist/religious/etc. explanation as to why females greatly outnumber males posting in this forum (FAF)? I found the former disproportion to be true at each of the three different Al-Anon meetings that I have attended thus far.
Is this question irrelevant in that I went to female-dominated Al-Anon meetings by simple chance? Is it just this Web site's 'Friends and Families' forum? Am I surrounded by (majority) codie-females because I reside in the Midwest? Is this the case on a national/global level? Did all of the codie-males run for their lives when they learned of my coming to join the ranks in recovery?
Or is it because, sociologically speaking, codie-males prefer other therapeutic outlets? Or, dare I ask, do codie-men tend to 'fight' it out, while codie-women tend to 'talk' it out (absolutely no intended stereotyping...just wondering if anyone has ideas/stats/opinions/facts/thoughts/etc.)? Are codependent traits offshoots of a nurturing instinct, or are they symptoms of an abnormal desire to be needed? Could there be a genetic link to these traits? Are women 'pre-qualified' at birth to become codies? Aren't there statistics that say males and females have the same chance of becoming alcoholics? If this is true, would not the percentage of men and women posting in Friends and Families of Alcoholics forums be the same?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
I think being a codi is the same,,wheather you're a male or female.
I imagine a female codi would try to keep it together as much as
a male codi in the eye of the storm.lol
I deffernetly can't talk about my agf with the guys at work...
becuase i usually get the beat down after a beat down.lol
different personalities but still the same principles.
I've gone through stages of thinking all woman are evil Bees from hell.
I don't take it personally, when some people are at that stage or
sharing thier fustrations or just letting it all hang out.
i don't think codies are mean..ptsd, shellshock, angery, werry..maybe
well you know..giving the shirts off of our back and going to
great length to try to help someone throught thick and thin.
i think codi have a lot of tolerance...maybe too much , I don't know.
yes the percentage arn't the same.
You would think women would be more effected by alcohol than men.
Just body wieght or body chemitry.
Maybe they hind it better, i don't know.
Maybe it's just a stima. There's not s shelter for abused men or hotline for abused men...
Even if there were...I wouldn't go, if you make me.
I don't know..my ex-wife drank me under the table thou.
One drop of alcohol in my agf..she's a gonner. she gose bonkers
reletively overnite.Not sure what it is..maybe she reached threshold
I imagine a female codi would try to keep it together as much as
a male codi in the eye of the storm.lol
I deffernetly can't talk about my agf with the guys at work...
becuase i usually get the beat down after a beat down.lol
different personalities but still the same principles.
I've gone through stages of thinking all woman are evil Bees from hell.
I don't take it personally, when some people are at that stage or
sharing thier fustrations or just letting it all hang out.
i don't think codies are mean..ptsd, shellshock, angery, werry..maybe
well you know..giving the shirts off of our back and going to
great length to try to help someone throught thick and thin.
i think codi have a lot of tolerance...maybe too much , I don't know.
yes the percentage arn't the same.
You would think women would be more effected by alcohol than men.
Just body wieght or body chemitry.
Maybe they hind it better, i don't know.
Maybe it's just a stima. There's not s shelter for abused men or hotline for abused men...
Even if there were...I wouldn't go, if you make me.
I don't know..my ex-wife drank me under the table thou.
One drop of alcohol in my agf..she's a gonner. she gose bonkers
reletively overnite.Not sure what it is..maybe she reached threshold
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
From reading a lot about men and the difference, Men are somehow born problem solvers.
So they are not going to go to anyone for a long talk, they arn't going to a psychologist for emotional help.
You never see them with a self help book.
When they have some anxiety or worried about something, they are men, so booze is the Rx needed. After so long, the the booze causes the anxiety, so take more RX. They don't realize that it quit working.
Many many men would not be caught dead at an Al-Anon meeting, sad, but thats how it is.
We are lucky that some go to AlAnon and learn the program.
Seems teen aged boys only intersted in sports, mechanic's etc.
Any of this make sense.
Then we females if we start to fall for the guy we swear we love football, all other ball games, we act like we like to party, we love camping and fishing and hunting, boating, etc.
Sorta misrepresent ourselves or learn in a hurry we don't like that stuff.
He thinks he married his play mate, we want babies then he is supposed to love staying home with the baby, and go to family things, and things for the kids.
Their life as they knew it or what they thought is gone.
Am I off topic here? I should not have tried to post as am falling asleep.
Take was you can use and leave the rest, and there are always exceptions. we are not all alike.
So they are not going to go to anyone for a long talk, they arn't going to a psychologist for emotional help.
You never see them with a self help book.
When they have some anxiety or worried about something, they are men, so booze is the Rx needed. After so long, the the booze causes the anxiety, so take more RX. They don't realize that it quit working.
Many many men would not be caught dead at an Al-Anon meeting, sad, but thats how it is.
We are lucky that some go to AlAnon and learn the program.
Seems teen aged boys only intersted in sports, mechanic's etc.
Any of this make sense.
Then we females if we start to fall for the guy we swear we love football, all other ball games, we act like we like to party, we love camping and fishing and hunting, boating, etc.
Sorta misrepresent ourselves or learn in a hurry we don't like that stuff.
He thinks he married his play mate, we want babies then he is supposed to love staying home with the baby, and go to family things, and things for the kids.
Their life as they knew it or what they thought is gone.
Am I off topic here? I should not have tried to post as am falling asleep.
Take was you can use and leave the rest, and there are always exceptions. we are not all alike.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Hey Zoey, if AH were a born problem solver, why didn't he solve his addiction? Just joking!
I don't think there's an easy answer to the OP question. The Al-Anon meetings I attend have a healthy male/female ratio. I like it like that.
If I had to guess, I'd say it's a societal thing. I blame that for everything I don't understand.
I don't think there's an easy answer to the OP question. The Al-Anon meetings I attend have a healthy male/female ratio. I like it like that.
If I had to guess, I'd say it's a societal thing. I blame that for everything I don't understand.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: trail of discovery
Posts: 2,472
I don't know the validity of men being born problem sovlers...as women are, for the most part, the homemarker/child raisers....there are many problems there to be sovled as multi-tasking has always been a female area more so then men.
But to answer this question about anon's being mostly women....I think it's because women will seek out others to share stuff with more so then a men. Men tend to try and solve their issues on their own feeling that it is the manly thing to do. They are "men" and supposed to be the leaders...the strong ones...and many men have been known to feel that it is a sign of weekness to have to seek out help from others. It is an old way of thinking that I feel has been changing throught the years. So I think we will be seeing more and more men in these meetings as they want help in holding together their families as well.
just my humble opinion...I am no professional. I have also had these questions on this particular issues and have talked with guys on this stuff. Men internalize where women reach out to each other.....
But to answer this question about anon's being mostly women....I think it's because women will seek out others to share stuff with more so then a men. Men tend to try and solve their issues on their own feeling that it is the manly thing to do. They are "men" and supposed to be the leaders...the strong ones...and many men have been known to feel that it is a sign of weekness to have to seek out help from others. It is an old way of thinking that I feel has been changing throught the years. So I think we will be seeing more and more men in these meetings as they want help in holding together their families as well.
just my humble opinion...I am no professional. I have also had these questions on this particular issues and have talked with guys on this stuff. Men internalize where women reach out to each other.....
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
I look at it this way: (JMO)
When a woman seeks help in much the same way that was accepted through out their upbringing (seek out friends, talk with others, join a group) it looks natural to others. And if she manages to overcome she is strong.
Men, at least of my generation, were taught that to handle through strength and tough love and ultimatums. Kind of a king of the castle thing. And if they can't they are weak.
Woman are accepted and "expected" to be natural nuturers ( and are made to feel they must be on all occasions)
Men are allowed to tough love right from the start.
Does it make their pain any less?
I don't think so
I think many many men suffer in silience.
I do hope things are changing these days and finding a happy medium for both genders
(((Hugs)))
Cece
When a woman seeks help in much the same way that was accepted through out their upbringing (seek out friends, talk with others, join a group) it looks natural to others. And if she manages to overcome she is strong.
Men, at least of my generation, were taught that to handle through strength and tough love and ultimatums. Kind of a king of the castle thing. And if they can't they are weak.
Woman are accepted and "expected" to be natural nuturers ( and are made to feel they must be on all occasions)
Men are allowed to tough love right from the start.
Does it make their pain any less?
I don't think so
I think many many men suffer in silience.
I do hope things are changing these days and finding a happy medium for both genders
(((Hugs)))
Cece
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Originally Posted by tryingtoheal 
Or is it because, sociologically speaking, codie-males prefer other therapeutic outlets? Or, dare I ask, do codie-men tend to 'fight' it out, while codie-women tend to 'talk' it out (absolutely no intended stereotyping...just wondering if anyone has ideas/stats/opinions/facts/thoughts/etc.)? Are codependent traits offshoots of a nurturing instinct, or are they symptoms of an abnormal desire to be needed? Could there be a genetic link to these traits? Are women 'pre-qualified' at birth to become codies?
For me, I "solved" my A son's problems because that's what I was good at. Let's just make these problems go away! It's a talent! lol As misguided as it was, I thought it was my JOB!
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