Trying.

I have mulitple trauma's in my life whilst growing up... I feel I am finally slowing down inside, learning to find some sanity...today I witnessed a guy being chased by a woman my age...the guy I think had stolen the womens grocerys, I was unclear exactly...the guy run in front of me and was staring at me as he run and I wondered why...then the woman came up behind me shouting at him to drop the bag...it was like some sureal movie and I jsut couldn't "wake up"...I got in my car and drove slowly and caught up with the guy and our eyes met again and I knew then that I couldn't get involved...I would be paralysed with paranioa and fear in the next couple of days if I had gotten involved with police and giving evidence....because of my experience of becoming a victim of mistaken identity and being victimsed for being someone I wasn't and the police did nothing....I had ot think of my family...its made me sit tonight and think about what I am able to do in life and what I'm not...I am not happy wiht myself that I could not be the hero in this situation...I will always be the hero where my family are concerned but I felt the maddness of our society today is somethign I cannot afford to get mixed up with...I'd be out of my mind literally if I could just act without thinking...unfortunately I seem to have a mind now that thinks things out and when drinking I would just act...if the guy had been physically assorting the woman I would have had to do something...I'm never going to be a have-a-go hero.....I had to do to much of that as a child growing up and now I feel burnt out in that area...I guess I will have to find a way to work this new discovery today into who-I-am....I feel selfish sometimes when I do what I feel I have to do for my own wellbeing..

caraway

Thanks for you story Trying. Sorry to hear of your negative experiences, sounds horrific, traumatic. I agree, we need to be aware of our weaknesses as well as our strengths and to accept ourselves as we are. If we don't take care of ourselves we're no good to anyone else!