| Trying. | 12-21-2007 11:07 AM |
Knowing one's weaknesses as well as strenghts?
I have mulitple trauma's in my life whilst growing up... I feel I am finally slowing down inside, learning to find some sanity...today I witnessed a guy being chased by a woman my age...the guy I think had stolen the womens grocerys, I was unclear exactly...the guy run in front of me and was staring at me as he run and I wondered why...then the woman came up behind me shouting at him to drop the bag...it was like some sureal movie and I jsut couldn't "wake up"...I got in my car and drove slowly and caught up with the guy and our eyes met again and I knew then that I couldn't get involved...I would be paralysed with paranioa and fear in the next couple of days if I had gotten involved with police and giving evidence....because of my experience of becoming a victim of mistaken identity and being victimsed for being someone I wasn't and the police did nothing....I had ot think of my family...its made me sit tonight and think about what I am able to do in life and what I'm not...I am not happy wiht myself that I could not be the hero in this situation...I will always be the hero where my family are concerned but I felt the maddness of our society today is somethign I cannot afford to get mixed up with...I'd be out of my mind literally if I could just act without thinking...unfortunately I seem to have a mind now that thinks things out and when drinking I would just act...if the guy had been physically assorting the woman I would have had to do something...I'm never going to be a have-a-go hero.....I had to do to much of that as a child growing up and now I feel burnt out in that area...I guess I will have to find a way to work this new discovery today into who-I-am....I feel selfish sometimes when I do what I feel I have to do for my own wellbeing.. | 